I'm Looking to get some feed back on the short essay, this is my first draft.
As Eminem once said,"it's an adrenaline rush to feel the bass thump
In the place all the way to the parking lot". In one sense music is like a dose of adrenaline when in the hands of an athlete preparing to hit the field with confidence. In another, music gives a social movement a voice or an identity, connecting like minded individuals by sound. Furthermore music can also create a suspenseful atmosphere in a scene that racks up the nerves of the viewers. Like water which takes the shape of its container, the power of music takes shape in the context of it's use. The ample amount of purposes music can take on is something which is truely amazing and i find intriguing.
Music is the essence of my being. I'll go hours on end listening to everything from Wu-tang Clan to Hans Zimmer. When I'm with friends I get carried off explaining why a song hits the way it does by analyzing the production and songwriting. Music is like no other media, I can express myself in a creative manner and have others connect to what I make and use it however they like. That is what I love about music.
It's very well written and its message is well-delivered but for a few grammatical and flow issues.
"In another, music gives a social movement a voice or an identity, connecting like minded individuals by sound; furthermore , music can..."
The flow between "preparing to hit the field with confidence." and " In another, music gives a social..." could also be improved. Presently it seems amateurish (no offence). "Professional" writing is always smooth and every sentence segues meaningfully into the next.
I agree with victoration1, very well written!! I feel you on how you want to put Eminem in your essay and you did it well man, that lyric went right into your essay. your passionate about music and a place like NYU would appreciate it.
Your essay is great! In such a short length, you have clearly stated your message and how music has made an impact in your life. If it were me, I might add in a little incident or experience as to show how music affected you. If you feel like that is not something you would like to do, then your essay, as it is now, is wonderful! Good luck to you :)
