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Posts by craver
Joined: Jan 2, 2009
Last Post: Apr 7, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
From: United Arab Emirates

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craver   
Apr 7, 2010
Writing Feedback / Obedience and Disobedience in their extremes! [2]

The teacher wanted us to write about obedience and disobedience in their extremes(whether they exist or not ..) and does our society apply moderation as a whole when talking about obedience. We need to write an essay and we should include 3 body paragraphs , two supportive to my thesis statement and my argument and one representing the counter argument and I should show that my argument is more effective. I cant group all my points in just 3 paragraphs but if there is a way then ill be thankful . I also need to make sure of my errors. Is the essay well organized and how can i make it better.

thanks a lot
...

Obedience is a characteristic of human beings in all societies. We obey god, our parents, teacher, manager and any person having an authority over us. But sometimes obedience can go to the extremes, which can lead a man to only obey or to only disobey. Obedience and disobedience have always been two opposites that have shaped our society and our relationships whether in moderation or extremes . When laws , orders and authority are diminished , people tend to be obedient or disobedient according to their circumstances but when the 3 exist together , then people would moderate.

When a society lacks the laws and authority to control its people, chaos happens. People start to obey for survival or for being convinced while others disobey for being under no one's control. This is not a recent issue , it was and will always be part of our society as long as we are stay in chaos. As a matter of fact , throughout history, the presence of a master and slave had always demonstrated obedience in its extremes. I call this type of obedience an extreme since the obedient person becomes a robot or an animal acting upon certain presented orders. For instance ,the master used to make the orders and the slave obeyed them all whether he was convinced or not. The only reason behind this was the fear of death on the hands of the upper class . They served the fruits and drinks, they cooked, cleaned, took care of the elderly and entertained the master and his guests , and that was all without any payment . When you think about it , you see that the master is controlled by another powerful master who is god. So technically we are all slaves of god, which means that we tend to dedicate fully to god. But, if we were true, then slavery would not exist. The life we are talking about is different, with different circumstances and laws. We are actually slaves of desire, the desire of power which is an invisible force which controls us and we show it by controlling people. We believe that what is not theirs should be theirs. Desire of power means greed and that's what we are for , we practically want everything. The concept of slavery is not necessary physical but also mental. Let's look at the servant, unless he's chained he can run away and be "free", but what freedom would that be if he is a slave of circumstances. He was born with no power or lost his power during his life. If he is to run, then what shall he do? Live a hard life in a cruel world? What about his family? He needs to feed them also and take care of them. What life would they have as outcasts and refugees? He is a slave of love, family and duty!

Other then the case of the slaves, there is the commitment to a group, whether religious, ethnic, or political. People in such groups tend to believe in all the group's norms and values and obey all its rules and orders, otherwise death would be better than living according to them. In an article by Emile Durkheim, the author mentions that when an individual is really bounded to a highly integrated group, he tends to accept the values and norms with total convincement and agreement. He would not distinguish between his and the group's interests. He would actually sacrifice himself for the group's sake. In this case, self-destruction is looked upon as self-conformation and fulfillment. This type of obedience can lead to Altruistic Suicide.

Moreover, when we discuss obedience we directly think of obedient women who lose their dignity and self esteem when being under their husbands' control. Many women in our society suffer from such marriages where the woman should stay at home, cook , do the dishes, teach her children, be in bed , limit her friend list. He would also limit or stop her visits to her parents house, use violence on her like hitting and slapping her when doing something wrong, humiliate her and so on. She , as his wife should be obedient since she knows it might be hard for to remarry or she would lose her children or end up would a bad reputation. On the other hand , in some marriages it is the opposite.The man would be under his wife's control. She might use violence and engage him in matters that affects his masculinity . In all cases ,obedience to that extent can have harsh impacts on both sexes , whether the male or the female is obeying his/her partner.

In an experiment by Milgram , the psychologist wanted to see people's degree of obedience . He brought in 40 participants who had to act like teachers . When a student answers a wrong question , the teacher should automatically punish him/ her by sending on voltage shocks of increasing intensities depending on the number of incorrect answers. Milgram realized that when the teacher reached a certain level , the student would make another mistake and the teacher would be forced to use the punishing tool even if he/she wasn't convinced. 65% of the participants reached the maximum shocks. This shows that even people under certain circumstance would always obey even if they were not convinced or had nothing in return . We , human beings, have the trait of obedience in our blood, carrying it from one generation to the next. (Milgram, 1974 )

On the other hand, there are always cases of disobedience by people and a well known case was the case of Adam and Eve, two of which were living in the Gardens of Eden. They obeyed god in everything, they lived in peace and harmony. But all that changed when they disobeyed an order. That was when god allowed them to eat from everything except the tree of knowledge. The serpent started telling them to eat from the tree since it will make them immortal. They then disobeyed god and ate from it, which made them leave heaven and go down to earth. They did not intend to disobey god, but the circumstances and their desires made them do so. That was one of the cases that created the human civilization by an act of disobedience.(Fromm,1963)

In addition, we see many people in our societies being disobedient to any law or order. They miss meetings, workers for instance if not given authority, would disobey since in all cases they are not getting enough wages. They would do only part of their job, would not be punctual and would mess up. They do work inefficiently either cause of pay as mentioned or cause of abuse by the manager , or simple cause no one is watching them. That is natural human behavior, obedience can not be put into action unless there is authority. Moreover, traffic is a good example of representing disobedience. For instance, most people in Lebanon specifically , tend to ignore traffic lights which is one of the main causes of great accidents and collisions in the world. Since there is no authority and the police do not really punish those outlaws and rebellious actions, people insist on doing so. Also, in the family, you can always find a disobedient child who never listens to his parents' orders. He would not pay attention to his studies , would rather make his parents shout all day and not do the thing they want, and would act more repulsive and rebellious.

Even though, many people might disagree with me , they might say that things are changing to the better as more societies are showing authority and discipline. People have become more open minded, more social through the use of media and internet, and are able to seek whatever they want. And when talking about women , we now see that matters have changed . Women have more rights, laws are easier , divorce rates have increased, women are educated and can no longer accept such torture. Still, we have not reached the point were we have control over the extremes. When people go to war or destroy something, they always have this common statement " We have nothing to do with this . We are only obeying.". when the manager tells the workers to work in a dangerous place and then something goes wrong , they would put the blame on the workers even though they were obeying the manager's orders. And we still find thousands of women beaten up for not making their husbands coffee in the morning or not obeying one of his orders!

To sum up, in our society there are 2 stages , the first is the order/law carrying it out represents authority, morality and moderation. The second one depends on your humanity and psychology , and that determines whether you would actually obey or disobey.
craver   
Apr 7, 2010
Book Reports / Chaucer's character Pardoner and the relationship [3]

Hey David,

Outlining is a good way for organizing ur information.Just relax and write whatever comes to ur mind ..seriously on a blank paper.Iit doesnot have to be anything related to ur topic .Write about something u like or ur good at , then after u hv written few lines n u feel ur able to write about ur topic start then by outlining or taking notes . Try to improve your skills by practice.

Good luck!
craver   
Jan 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / response paragraph for the essay "why we crave horror movies" [4]

Hi
Thanks a lot for your corrections. This is my essay i really want to know whether i have other mistakes .

Thanks a lot for your efforts

Response Paragraph
Narrator's Ideas
In the essay "Why We Crave Horror Movies", Steven king explores why people usually crave horror by using the cause effect method. King begins his essay with a bold opening statement "We are all mentally sick. This opening statement caught many readers' attention so it was a good hook. I believe that this statement showed insult for some readers and that if it had little truth, it would have opposed his argument. King reveals that people's reactions towards movies are normal and are not sicknesses. I think his ideas were not really well stated. For instance, he well presents the causes to craving horror movies but, unfortunately he presents the effects indirectly which makes the reader search for them throughout the passage. Steven king wrote this essay according to his point of view. What are stated in the essay are not facts but opinions.
craver   
Jan 4, 2009
Writing Feedback / writing technique advices for the essay " regular and election days" [8]

Hi
Will my thesis statement get affected?? ...because the thesis statement provides clues for the topic sentences . and if i want to summarize the 3 differences in a paragraph and then talk again about them this means that the 3rds paragraph's topic sentence is somewhat the same as the 2nd's . in other words i have 3 paragraphs that should have 3 topic sentences so what should my thesis statement look like ?

thanks
craver   
Jan 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / writing technique advices for the essay " regular and election days" [8]

hi
I totally agree with your point but my instructor wanted me to include 3 differences and 2 similarities in a 5 paragraph essay .In this case i wont be able to fully treat each point. I included all this similarities and differences but still i feel that the essay is not organized. I really need help in my essay .

thanks a lot
craver   
Jan 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / writing technique advices for the essay " regular and election days" [8]

Regular and Election Days

I need some help in checking my writing technique and my essay structure and please rate it

thanks


Regular and Election Days

What is it like to have an election day in the American University of Beirut (AUB)?
The election day in AUB was somehow different than a regular day there. The election day was exciting and full of events, while a regular day was full of routines. There are some similarities and differences between a normal day and an election day in the AUB.

One of the few similarities between the two days is the classes. On both, the regular and the election days, classes were not canceled. All teachers took attendance and gave a class. For example, my English teacher gave us, the students, a lecture even though half the class was absent. Also, students still had to do their exams. All exams were taken in their proper timings. There were no excuses for candidates and voters. . For instance, I took a math exam that day at the time of voting. Even make up exams were not delayed. For students who hate "studying", the election day is technically similar to the regular day.

But, there are many major differences between these two days. One of these differences is the educational atmosphere. On regular days there is a serious educational atmosphere. Usually, students pay attention to their teachers and show some concern. Some students whine about their classes, with nothing to entertain them. They would feel they are locked up in a closet. Although in the election day classes were not canceled, most of the students were not paying attention in the class. Almost all students were thinking of the elections during their classes. Election was the key to their patience. Only few students attended their classes.

Other differences are the communication between students and students' hostility. On regular days, there is less communication between students. Students walk in the university like strangers, no one knows the other. And, there is no hostility between students because, students hide their political views. On the other hand, during the election day, there was a lot of communication between students. Candidates, for example, tried to convince people to vote for them. And, students were hostile and adverse. Each student was supporting different parties for instance, even my close friends had different political views and they had to oppose each others.

There are certain similarities and differences between regular and election days in AUB. I think that the election day is important in any university because it joins the students together and entertains them every now and then. Any university can improve its reputation if it also had a well prepared and organized election day with students participating and standing for their beliefs.
craver   
Jan 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / response paragraph for the essay "why we crave horror movies" [4]

Response Paragraph

Narrator's Ideas

In the essay "why we crave horror movies", Steven king explored why people usually crave horror by using the cause effect method. King began his essay by a bold opening statement "we are all mentally sick. This opening statement caught many readers' attention so it was a good hook. I believe that this statement showed insult for some readers and that if it had little truth, it would have opposed his argument. Steven revealed that people's reactions towards movies are normal and are not sicknesses. I think that king's ideas were not really well stated. For instance, he well presented the causes to craving horror movies but, unfortunately he presented the effects indirectly which made the reader search for them throughout the passage. Steven king wrote this essay according to his point of view. What was stated in the essay were not facts but opinions.

Please check my paragraph's grammar, language ,punctuation and structure errors

thanks
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