Posts by UncleTungsten

UncleTungsten

Sep 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Standing for what I believe in' - Psychology- Essay for UIUC [3]

This is very good, but you hop around from subject to subject.
I;d say begin your essay with "people always ask me why I want to study psychology" or something like this. Continue with the fact that everyone is confused about your pursuits, since it isn't doctor/engineer. Then go on to talk about the crying girl you encountered and how that made you realize that while engineering and medicine are important, so is one's mental well being; in fact it's probably more important.

If you need to get rid of some words, you can definitely do so in the second paragraph. Get right to the point, that in India everyone wants to be an engineer/doctor but YOU want to be a psychologist. You need not talk about your school's reputation.

Also, it seems like what you want to be is a psychiatrist. The fact that you enjoyed assisting the girl and that you want to "make sure everyone feels a glow" will probably lead you to psychiatry. If I'm right, you should definitely mention psychiatry as a goal.

Your essay mentions some good stuff, and it's probably hard to piece it all together, but if you rearrange the paragraphs to improve the flow it will be stellar.

UncleTungsten

Sep 1, 2012

Undergraduate / I expect that my education at the art institute will help me become a legendary restaurant chef [2]

First of all, some grammatical errors: ...legendary chef along with open my own restaurants should be changed. Maybe make that sentence I expect that my education at the art institute will help me become a legendary chef who will one day open her own restaurants. The third sentence is a run on. Also they probably already know your name, so you shouldn't reintroduce yourself. Proceed my education is also incorrect ; it should be continue my education

UncleTungsten

Sep 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'keen interest in chemistry' - University of Illinois- Urbana Champaign [2]

Hey everybody, this is my very first post on essay forum. Be honest; brutally honest if you must. Also do you think supplements should have titles? Thank you!

Technology development and chemistry

Since I was young, I had a keen interest in chemistry. I would always find kitchen condiments, household chemicals and whatever else I could put my hands on, hoping they would change color, fizz or flare when combined. When I read Oliver Sacks' Uncle Tungsten, about Sacks' close relationship with chemistry as a boy my age, I immediately found someone I could identify with. When Sacks described that cabbage juice could be used like Litmus paper or that magnesium could remain burning under water, I found myself boiling down cabbages and ordering loads of magnesium online. I read this book when I was young, and for a few years afterward, my love for chemistry waned. Then, in 10th grade, chemistry class piqued my fascination once again. Learning the reason behind every reaction I had seen as a child was astonishing. At this point, I was certain that chemistry would be involved in my career, but I wondered how exactly it would. I knew I didn't want to be a 'chemist,' who would be bound to a laboratory all day.

My question was answered when I had the opportunity to partake in technology development for the Hospital for Special Surgery. Here, I was able to see the development of medical technologies from their inception to their patenting. Finally, I found my niche: the business side of science. That summer, I reread Uncle Tungsten but this time found myself identifying less with Oliver Sacks and more with the entrepreneurial spirit of his uncle who started a business producing tungsten filament light bulbs. Though my love for chemistry persisted, it was now alloyed with a love for business.

At this point, my propensity for science may lead me in the direction of engineering or chemistry in general, but in any case will be combined with entrepreneurship, whether as a minor or as a future endeavor .