LW Trojan
Jan 11, 2009
Essays / a comparative essay between any two things [12]
You have to post your draft as a thread and someone can help you with it.
You have to post your draft as a thread and someone can help you with it.
LW Trojan
Jan 10, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT Essay -- "I am a physics anomaly." [4]
I think this response is GREAT! It reminds me of one that I wrote on being both Haitian and American (although it's not posted on this site). I can totally relate, and I love your writing style.
I think this response is GREAT! It reminds me of one that I wrote on being both Haitian and American (although it's not posted on this site). I can totally relate, and I love your writing style.
LW Trojan
Jan 10, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Tupac's changes' - NYU short response [4]
I pretty much reached the character limit with this response already. Thanks for the comments!
I pretty much reached the character limit with this response already. Thanks for the comments!
LW Trojan
Jan 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Study different cultures / Playing the guitar [4]
I like this short answer. There's one sentence that I'm not sure what you should do with:
I'm not sure endearing is the word you were thinking of...maybe endure or something of the like. Otherwise the response is okay.
I like this short answer. There's one sentence that I'm not sure what you should do with:
Born musically inclined, playing guitar has influenced me to work hard and to be endearing in my pursuits.
I'm not sure endearing is the word you were thinking of...maybe endure or something of the like. Otherwise the response is okay.
LW Trojan
Jan 9, 2009
Undergraduate / Third-world country, first-world classroom - Texas Freshman application essay. [5]
I think this essay is GREAT. You did a really good job of answering the prompt without outwardly saying "this issue is important to me" or "this issue is significant because..." What makes it even better is that it'll most likely stand out from all the others.
I think this essay is GREAT. You did a really good job of answering the prompt without outwardly saying "this issue is important to me" or "this issue is significant because..." What makes it even better is that it'll most likely stand out from all the others.
LW Trojan
Jan 6, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Tupac's changes' - NYU short response [4]
What do you think about this response?; this is the prompt:
You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?
I experienced a sort of catharsis as I sat in my living room and watched an African-American nominee be elected president of the United States. I was reminded also of a verse from the song "Changes" by Tupac: "Although it seems heaven-sent, we ain't ready to see a black president." Suddenly the song seemed to take on a new meaning that spoke of our progress and endless possibilities, and inspired hope. As I utter the words to this song, I re-experience that cathartic moment. I sing proudly.
What do you think about this response?; this is the prompt:
You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?
I experienced a sort of catharsis as I sat in my living room and watched an African-American nominee be elected president of the United States. I was reminded also of a verse from the song "Changes" by Tupac: "Although it seems heaven-sent, we ain't ready to see a black president." Suddenly the song seemed to take on a new meaning that spoke of our progress and endless possibilities, and inspired hope. As I utter the words to this song, I re-experience that cathartic moment. I sing proudly.
LW Trojan
Jan 5, 2009
Undergraduate / Teacher of influence essay [6]
I'm a little confused on what tense you are speaking in (present tense or past tense). You seem to be going back and forth between the two, but you should choose one and stick to it. Otherwise, your response sounds good. One more suggestion: the last sentence will be a lot stronger if you take out the word "probably."
I'm a little confused on what tense you are speaking in (present tense or past tense). You seem to be going back and forth between the two, but you should choose one and stick to it. Otherwise, your response sounds good. One more suggestion: the last sentence will be a lot stronger if you take out the word "probably."
LW Trojan
Jan 5, 2009
Essays / Very confused on my Thesis statement. AP Euro History class [7]
How about:
Women from the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries began to break the social norm as they ventured into the world of science, and were met with conflicting attitudes: while fellow women scientists were supportive, non-Enlightened scientists and traditional women were disapproving.
How about:
Women from the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries began to break the social norm as they ventured into the world of science, and were met with conflicting attitudes: while fellow women scientists were supportive, non-Enlightened scientists and traditional women were disapproving.
LW Trojan
Jan 4, 2009
Graduate / Entrance Essay - Master of Public Affairs [4]
I think this essay is GREAT. The one thing that you could change is your use of contractions such as "I'm" instead of "I am." It can come off as informal.
I think this essay is GREAT. The one thing that you could change is your use of contractions such as "I'm" instead of "I am." It can come off as informal.
LW Trojan
Jan 4, 2009
Undergraduate / VCU essay: "Education and Life: A Personal Statement." In this essay, discuss your educational goals [8]
Here are some suggestions:
The above is somewhat redundant.
Here are some suggestions:
When I emigrated from South Korea, I had a difficult time communicating with others, so art provided a way for me to "speak" with others. When I came to the United States, I barely knew English; I could not talk with other people, even though I wanted to. However, I was able to use my art skills as a means of communication.
The above is somewhat redundant.
LW Trojan
Jan 4, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Washington. Limit for number of word? [13]
I don't think that it will be a big problem if your essay is over by 50 words. However, one of the main reasons for word count restrictions is to see whether a student can effectively answer the prompt even with the restrictions. If you are able to do this, it will demonstrate your writing ability.
I don't think that it will be a big problem if your essay is over by 50 words. However, one of the main reasons for word count restrictions is to see whether a student can effectively answer the prompt even with the restrictions. If you are able to do this, it will demonstrate your writing ability.
