Undergraduate / "Refusing Dante's Ash" - IU Bloomington [2]

the essay is nicely written, great syntax especially, but i feel that it becomes a but too descriptive, without really having a purpose - you kind of meander throughout, discussing what you aren't (ie another statistic, another person with ash in his eyes), and you don't focus enough on what makes you so different... remember - show, don't tell - be direct and explicit

Undergraduate / Summer of Medical and Dental Educational Program at Yale University Medical School [3]

First: your repetition of "medicine, health disparities, public health" in the first sentences really does nothing for your essay. It just makes it sound jagged.

Secondly: why use the word holistic? Did studying medicine really broaden the scope of how you see the world? Or did it solidify your love for medicine, thus narrowing your interests (the exact opposite...)

Third: there is actually a really simple etc...

Fourth: you do not stop to "retrospect;" you stop and, retrospectively looking back at the past few weeks, etc...

Good job making it into the SMDEP! It's quite a challenge, I've heard! But focus more on what you learned from it more so than the fact that you attended it - after all, colleges can figure that out as soon as they look at your resume. =)

Good luck! and btw where are you applying?

Undergraduate / 'A timid countenance and window reflection' - My commonapp essay [2]

Not a bad piece of writing, but avoid using too many of the pronoun "I." Also, while I understand that the first paragraph is supposed to be introspective, it comes across as a bit too much; you might want to tone/ trim it down a bit. Additionally, your sentences are largely composed of simple or complex sentences - try to create some more variety to aid with the flow of your writing =)

I really like your choice of topic... well written overall! Btw where are you applying?