DRitrosky
Sep 29, 2012
Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill. When you changed your mind about something that mattered to you? [9]
bump helppp
bump helppp
DRitrosky
Sep 26, 2012
Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill. When you changed your mind about something that mattered to you? [9]
helpp meeee
helpp meeee
DRitrosky
Sep 25, 2012
Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill. When you changed your mind about something that mattered to you? [9]
bump
PLEASE HELP!!
bump
PLEASE HELP!!
DRitrosky
Sep 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Computers have always been a key part of my life' CMU SUPPLEMENT [3]
As a kid my dad often forced me to perform "operations"...
Being in the computer field himself, my father knew the importance of not only utilizing themany devices many of us take for granted but also the abundant number of perks they can provide if one knows how to operate them.
I would often return from the electron riddles floor of the computer, dust covered and full of excitement, the rush of removing and replacing parts, building and remodeling all seemed to overtake me, so much so that I would often lose hours lost in the maze of wires and circuits.<---Try revising this. It's too long of a sentence. Break it up into smaller sentences because it bores the reader when having to go on and on in just one sentence to get to the point.
Soon, everything about the insides of Del-e became common...
...e mbedded in my brain, never to be forgotten.
...previously evaded me by mere clicks.
As the world begins toexpand and growevolve, more and more uses for computers will be found.
As a kid my dad often forced me to perform "operations"...
Being in the computer field himself, my father knew the importance of not only utilizing the
I would often return from the electron riddles floor of the computer, dust covered and full of excitement, the rush of removing and replacing parts, building and remodeling all seemed to overtake me, so much so that I would often lose hours lost in the maze of wires and circuits.<---Try revising this. It's too long of a sentence. Break it up into smaller sentences because it bores the reader when having to go on and on in just one sentence to get to the point.
Soon, everything about the insides of Del-e became common...
...e mbedded in my brain, never to be forgotten.
...previously evaded me by mere clicks.
As the world begins to
DRitrosky
Sep 24, 2012
Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill. When you changed your mind about something that mattered to you? [9]
Which essay would you prefer my help with?
Which essay would you prefer my help with?
DRitrosky
Sep 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'always helping people' - FSU learning essay admission 2012 [4]
You choose a particular topic, rather you almost incorporated all of them. Now, that may sound astounding, but to the admissions officers, they won't like it one bit. You need to make sure you deliver which exact topic you chose to talk about.
My guess is that your topic was the learning part? I'm not entirely sure.
Try to change it and revolve the essay around one particular subject.
You choose a particular topic, rather you almost incorporated all of them. Now, that may sound astounding, but to the admissions officers, they won't like it one bit. You need to make sure you deliver which exact topic you chose to talk about.
My guess is that your topic was the learning part? I'm not entirely sure.
Try to change it and revolve the essay around one particular subject.
DRitrosky
Sep 24, 2012
Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill. When you changed your mind about something that mattered to you? [9]
hellppp
hellppp
DRitrosky
Sep 24, 2012
Undergraduate / UF Essay - Visiting El Salvador; meaningful experience [3]
We are very close and enjoy doing much together, especially our family trips.As a result of having such close relationships, we enjoy going on family trips together.
We all share a passion to learn about new cultures and explore foreign regions.After travelling to numerous countries, we all noticed that poverty was a shared trait among these beautiful countries. It wasn't until this past summer until it really hit me.
This past summer, my family and I visited my mother's home country of El Salvador, located in Central America.
One girl, no older than 6, was carrying what looked like a heavy basket filled with handmade objects. They walked barefoot over mud and rocks which cut their hardened feet. With the absence of adequate clothing, you could tell that they werent the wealthiest.They also seemed to need some food and healthcare.Overcome with remorse, I requested for the car to hault and handed the young girl and her younger brother a sandwich from the mini mart.T heir faces lit up as they thanked us in Spanish and ran off to share with their family.
We all share a passion to learn about new cultures and explore foreign regions.After travelling to numerous countries, we all noticed that poverty was a shared trait among these beautiful countries. It wasn't until this past summer until it really hit me.
This past summer, my family and I visited my mother's home country of El Salvador, located in Central America.
One girl, no older than 6, was carrying what looked like a heavy basket filled with handmade objects. They walked barefoot over mud and rocks which cut their hardened feet. With the absence of adequate clothing, you could tell that they werent the wealthiest.
DRitrosky
Sep 24, 2012
Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill. When you changed your mind about something that mattered to you? [9]
bump pleaseeeeeeee help
bump pleaseeeeeeee help
DRitrosky
Sep 22, 2012
Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill. When you changed your mind about something that mattered to you? [9]
Prompt: Tell us about a time when you changed your mind about something that mattered to you. What led to that change?
The ringing in my ear combined with a dazed state of mind had me faltering all over the place. What was that throbbing pain on the side of my head? Taking time to recover, I attempted to gather my thoughts and make of what just happened. Bam! Another hit to the face! This second blow to the head put me in an even more disoriented state than the first. Seeing that I was struggling to recover, my boxing coach decided to refrain from raining any more hits upon my exhausted body. With a tournament in the near future, the intensity of my training had become harder than ever before. Accepting the fact that success cannot come without sacrifice, I persisted to try to push my mind and body past their limits.
Boxing became my life. I woke up every morning between the hours of 3:30 and 4 am to prepare myself for the battle to succeed. Who was my enemy? My enemy was not the other person in the boxing ring. My enemy was the constant temptation to give up. Starting at 3:30 in the morning, I began my rigorous training schedule that totaled to about seven and a half hours every day.
With only two weeks until the tournament, I felt like I was already prepared. While my zeal was greater than ever, my academic performance had drifted to the other end of the spectrum. I was dedicating so much time to boxing that I didn't make time for school. Regardless of my gifted mental abilities, my grades just didn't reflect my potential. I discovered that the boxing tournament fell into the same week of my finals for school. This created a new problem: I either had to risk my academic career by continuing to train for the tournament, or put all of my hard work towards boxing to waste and quit. I sought advice from my boxing coach and he informed me that if I was to drop out of this tournament, I would never be allowed back to train with this team that I've grown to cherish as a family.
After many hours of deep contemplation, I concluded that I needed to put my training to a halt in order to improve my academic performance. Thinking back to my training, I remembered that I had accepted the fact that success cannot come without sacrifice. My love for boxing was a sacrifice that I needed to make in order to succeed in school to build a strong foundation for my future career, which was not in boxing. Not only did I stop boxing, but I momentarily stopped all extracurricular activities in order to get back on the right path for school. I spent every day of the week, including weekends, religiously studying for my upcoming exams. After getting the results back for my exams, I believed that sacrificing my love for boxing was worth the exceptional results I got out of my rigorous studies.
Prompt: Tell us about a time when you changed your mind about something that mattered to you. What led to that change?
The ringing in my ear combined with a dazed state of mind had me faltering all over the place. What was that throbbing pain on the side of my head? Taking time to recover, I attempted to gather my thoughts and make of what just happened. Bam! Another hit to the face! This second blow to the head put me in an even more disoriented state than the first. Seeing that I was struggling to recover, my boxing coach decided to refrain from raining any more hits upon my exhausted body. With a tournament in the near future, the intensity of my training had become harder than ever before. Accepting the fact that success cannot come without sacrifice, I persisted to try to push my mind and body past their limits.
Boxing became my life. I woke up every morning between the hours of 3:30 and 4 am to prepare myself for the battle to succeed. Who was my enemy? My enemy was not the other person in the boxing ring. My enemy was the constant temptation to give up. Starting at 3:30 in the morning, I began my rigorous training schedule that totaled to about seven and a half hours every day.
With only two weeks until the tournament, I felt like I was already prepared. While my zeal was greater than ever, my academic performance had drifted to the other end of the spectrum. I was dedicating so much time to boxing that I didn't make time for school. Regardless of my gifted mental abilities, my grades just didn't reflect my potential. I discovered that the boxing tournament fell into the same week of my finals for school. This created a new problem: I either had to risk my academic career by continuing to train for the tournament, or put all of my hard work towards boxing to waste and quit. I sought advice from my boxing coach and he informed me that if I was to drop out of this tournament, I would never be allowed back to train with this team that I've grown to cherish as a family.
After many hours of deep contemplation, I concluded that I needed to put my training to a halt in order to improve my academic performance. Thinking back to my training, I remembered that I had accepted the fact that success cannot come without sacrifice. My love for boxing was a sacrifice that I needed to make in order to succeed in school to build a strong foundation for my future career, which was not in boxing. Not only did I stop boxing, but I momentarily stopped all extracurricular activities in order to get back on the right path for school. I spent every day of the week, including weekends, religiously studying for my upcoming exams. After getting the results back for my exams, I believed that sacrificing my love for boxing was worth the exceptional results I got out of my rigorous studies.
DRitrosky
Sep 22, 2012
Undergraduate / "Brandon - My true Best Friend" -Texas A&M Topic A [2]
These past three years have beenthree of the most difficult years of my life.T hree years ago, in April, I lost a very close friend of mine. We had been best friends since the eighth grade.
He was a very interesting person. To everyone, he was just a person you thought you knew. He reached out to me in search of a friend. I had the honor of becoming his best friend. <---Fragment sentences. Try to combine these sentences to make it sound more smooth.
During the summer before sophomore year, we did not know that this would be the last summer we would spend together; I had decided that I wanted to join the Cross Country team. Brandon thought it was a ridiculous idea because he knew how uncoordinated I was. Even though he thought it was ridiculous, he asked me what time he needed to be over the next morning. I told him around 7 a.m. so we could get a head start on running.<---Is Brandon in charge of the CC team or what? This part is very confusing for the reader because you don't give the reason for him needing to come over.
At the time, we were both too young to drive . Luckily, he only lived three miles from my house.
These past three years have been
He was a very interesting person. To everyone, he was just a person you thought you knew. He reached out to me in search of a friend. I had the honor of becoming his best friend. <---Fragment sentences. Try to combine these sentences to make it sound more smooth.
During the summer before sophomore year
At the time, we were both too young to drive . Luckily, he only lived three miles from my house.
DRitrosky
Sep 12, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Stick Man' - Topic B UT Undergrad [2]
"Hey Stick Man! What inventions did you make today? A UFO perhaps?" a kid from the other side of the lunch room yelled out as other kids laughed. My cheeks burned and I cringed at the harsh words that were obviously directed for me. Unfortunately, that was just one of the many insults I encountered over the course of my elementary school years. I was a typical example of the try revising your choice of words--> smallest and skinniest<-- kid in the grade being put down by others, otherwise known as bullying. Instead of enjoying an extremely happy childhood, I often found myself wishing I didn't have to go to school solely to avoid torment . As is the case, I was just one of hundreds of thousands of victims suffering this affliction just because they don't fit in. It's a serious, often ignored, issue that I feel is deserving of more publicity.
"Hey Stick Man! What inventions did you make today? A UFO perhaps?" a kid from the other side of the lunch room yelled out as other kids laughed. My cheeks burned and I cringed at the harsh words that were obviously directed for me. Unfortunately, that was just one of the many insults I encountered over the course of my elementary school years. I was a typical example of the try revising your choice of words--> smallest and skinniest<-- kid in the grade being put down by others, otherwise known as bullying. Instead of enjoying an extremely happy childhood, I often found myself wishing I didn't have to go to school solely to avoid torment . As is the case, I was just one of hundreds of thousands of victims suffering this affliction just because they don't fit in. It's a serious, often ignored, issue that I feel is deserving of more publicity.
DRitrosky
Sep 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Operation on human heart' - Meaningful event - affect your college experience? [3]
Thank you very much!!
You were a great help :)
Thank you very much!!
You were a great help :)
DRitrosky
Sep 3, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Operation on human heart' - Meaningful event - affect your college experience? [3]
Prompt: "In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service." (400-500 words)
My essay:
Seeing the surgeon operate on this human heart right before my eyes sparked something in me. The desire to learn more about the human body has ignited. This revelation has led to my ever-growing interest in human anatomy, physiology, and all sciences alike. Watching my father operating the anesthesia machines while I lean over this anesthetized body was probably one of the most captivating experiences I've ever witnessed. I know that my strongest subjects are math and science, but experiencing what goes on in the operating room has revealed to me what I can really utilize my skills for.
Being in the medical field has been a tradition in my family for a few generations. My grandparents, both are pediatricians, gave birth to my aunt, uncle, and father. My aunt grew up to be an OB/GYN, my uncle a plastic surgeon, and my father an anesthesiologist. Having these members, and many others, of my life being in the medical field has been a large influence on my desire to pursue a career in medicine. But the largest influence on my decision to pursue medicine has to be the week I shadowed my father at the hospital. Viewing various surgeries like open-heart surgery, obstetrics and brain surgery provided me with a wide range of different kinds of medical procedures to experience. As I stared at these surgeries, bewildered, I realized that medicine would become my passion.
I became so passionate about medicine that I decided to take a 10 day trip to Johns Hopkins University with the People to People Leadership Ambassador Program to further my knowledge in this field of study. This program taught me all the necessary skills needed to not only become a successful medical doctor, but also a leader in my community. Some other skills I learned on this program were team-building skills, quick problem-solving skills, and skills that are needed to help build a better relationship with my surrounding peers.
A career in medicine requires commitment, dedication, and courage. Not only am I rich in these qualities, but I also possess a great deal of sympathy for others. My father is always telling me how important sympathy is in a doctor-patient relationship. All of these skills and qualities combined give me the right kind of mentality needed to become a successful medical doctor. This is a mentality where failure is not an option and the desire will bring you places you've only dreamt of being. I believe that these skills and qualities will be nothing short of a beneficial addition to the Gator community at the UF campus.
Word count: 432
Prompt: "In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service." (400-500 words)
My essay:
Seeing the surgeon operate on this human heart right before my eyes sparked something in me. The desire to learn more about the human body has ignited. This revelation has led to my ever-growing interest in human anatomy, physiology, and all sciences alike. Watching my father operating the anesthesia machines while I lean over this anesthetized body was probably one of the most captivating experiences I've ever witnessed. I know that my strongest subjects are math and science, but experiencing what goes on in the operating room has revealed to me what I can really utilize my skills for.
Being in the medical field has been a tradition in my family for a few generations. My grandparents, both are pediatricians, gave birth to my aunt, uncle, and father. My aunt grew up to be an OB/GYN, my uncle a plastic surgeon, and my father an anesthesiologist. Having these members, and many others, of my life being in the medical field has been a large influence on my desire to pursue a career in medicine. But the largest influence on my decision to pursue medicine has to be the week I shadowed my father at the hospital. Viewing various surgeries like open-heart surgery, obstetrics and brain surgery provided me with a wide range of different kinds of medical procedures to experience. As I stared at these surgeries, bewildered, I realized that medicine would become my passion.
I became so passionate about medicine that I decided to take a 10 day trip to Johns Hopkins University with the People to People Leadership Ambassador Program to further my knowledge in this field of study. This program taught me all the necessary skills needed to not only become a successful medical doctor, but also a leader in my community. Some other skills I learned on this program were team-building skills, quick problem-solving skills, and skills that are needed to help build a better relationship with my surrounding peers.
A career in medicine requires commitment, dedication, and courage. Not only am I rich in these qualities, but I also possess a great deal of sympathy for others. My father is always telling me how important sympathy is in a doctor-patient relationship. All of these skills and qualities combined give me the right kind of mentality needed to become a successful medical doctor. This is a mentality where failure is not an option and the desire will bring you places you've only dreamt of being. I believe that these skills and qualities will be nothing short of a beneficial addition to the Gator community at the UF campus.
Word count: 432
