Prompt: "In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service." (400-500 words)
My essay:
Seeing the surgeon operate on this human heart right before my eyes sparked something in me. The desire to learn more about the human body has ignited. This revelation has led to my ever-growing interest in human anatomy, physiology, and all sciences alike. Watching my father operating the anesthesia machines while I lean over this anesthetized body was probably one of the most captivating experiences I've ever witnessed. I know that my strongest subjects are math and science, but experiencing what goes on in the operating room has revealed to me what I can really utilize my skills for.
Being in the medical field has been a tradition in my family for a few generations. My grandparents, both are pediatricians, gave birth to my aunt, uncle, and father. My aunt grew up to be an OB/GYN, my uncle a plastic surgeon, and my father an anesthesiologist. Having these members, and many others, of my life being in the medical field has been a large influence on my desire to pursue a career in medicine. But the largest influence on my decision to pursue medicine has to be the week I shadowed my father at the hospital. Viewing various surgeries like open-heart surgery, obstetrics and brain surgery provided me with a wide range of different kinds of medical procedures to experience. As I stared at these surgeries, bewildered, I realized that medicine would become my passion.
I became so passionate about medicine that I decided to take a 10 day trip to Johns Hopkins University with the People to People Leadership Ambassador Program to further my knowledge in this field of study. This program taught me all the necessary skills needed to not only become a successful medical doctor, but also a leader in my community. Some other skills I learned on this program were team-building skills, quick problem-solving skills, and skills that are needed to help build a better relationship with my surrounding peers.
A career in medicine requires commitment, dedication, and courage. Not only am I rich in these qualities, but I also possess a great deal of sympathy for others. My father is always telling me how important sympathy is in a doctor-patient relationship. All of these skills and qualities combined give me the right kind of mentality needed to become a successful medical doctor. This is a mentality where failure is not an option and the desire will bring you places you've only dreamt of being. I believe that these skills and qualities will be nothing short of a beneficial addition to the Gator community at the UF campus.
Word count: 432
Hi :) I have some suggestions.
Seeing theAs I watched the surgeon operate on thisa human heart right before my eyes sparked something in me. TheMy desire to learn more about the human body haswas ignited. This revelation has ledwas the catalyst to my ever-growing interest in human anatomy, physiology, and all sciences alike. Watching my father operate the anesthesia machines while I leaned over thisan anesthetized body was probably one of the most captivating experiences I've ever witnessed. I know that my strongest subjects aremy natural talents are in math and science, but experiencing what goes on in the operating room has revealed to me what I can really utilize my skills for.
Both of m y grandparents, both are pediatricians.gave birth to my aunt, uncle, and father.
Some other skills I learned on this program were team-building skills, quick problem-solving skills, and skills that are needed to help build a better relationship with my surrounding peers.
You say "skills" too many times in this sentence, it becomes repetitive.
I think you answer the questions quite well. You would be a great contribution to any college! Good luck in school :)
