fedail
Sep 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay; assess this essay and show me my mistakes? [3]
I wrote another essay, i hope it could score better.
The bar chart above, shows the proportion of students who are good in organizing their finances, by monitoring and checking their account and credit card, and their ability to live at home or rented accommodation.
The most of students- just above three quarter of the total number- live at their home and save that money of renting home, while, the rest around a quarter, do live in rented accommodation.
If we look at the students, who care about checking their banks account, we can see that, the proportion is apparently like the previous one, nearly 75% of the entire students, in contrast with the students that don't check their account at all, approximately 25%.
On the talk of checking bank account, which helps students manage their finances; the percentage of students that pay attention about their credit card statements are slightly less, roughly under 60%, while up to 40% don't check or even look for it.
From the information given by the diagrams and what written here, we can conclude that the majority of the students in this area don't spend money on renting accommodation. About their ability to manage their finances, by comparing the students who check bank account with and who check credit card statements, we can see that, students need to be more careful and responsible of how they are spending money by reviewing them frequently.
I wrote another essay, i hope it could score better.
The bar chart above, shows the proportion of students who are good in organizing their finances, by monitoring and checking their account and credit card, and their ability to live at home or rented accommodation.
The most of students- just above three quarter of the total number- live at their home and save that money of renting home, while, the rest around a quarter, do live in rented accommodation.
If we look at the students, who care about checking their banks account, we can see that, the proportion is apparently like the previous one, nearly 75% of the entire students, in contrast with the students that don't check their account at all, approximately 25%.
On the talk of checking bank account, which helps students manage their finances; the percentage of students that pay attention about their credit card statements are slightly less, roughly under 60%, while up to 40% don't check or even look for it.
From the information given by the diagrams and what written here, we can conclude that the majority of the students in this area don't spend money on renting accommodation. About their ability to manage their finances, by comparing the students who check bank account with and who check credit card statements, we can see that, students need to be more careful and responsible of how they are spending money by reviewing them frequently.
