Undergraduate / Villanova University Supp. "Thai boy Chart" [12]

My deadline for this supplement is today. Please critique my essay. I feel that my conclusion isn't strong enough, can anyone give me some suggestion to make the conclusion better??

Thanks very much!

Air conditioning, comfy bed, clean clothes, tasty food and my loving family, I had always taken all these wonderful things for granted until I traveled to Thailand for my sophomore year interim service program at my high school, HKIS. The Thailand Reefs to Rainforest program was adventurous, exploratory and fun; it was also highly instructive, as among the exploration of the dark and dangerous caves, snorkeling with sharks and kayaking through the river, I learned one of the most profound lessons of my life while serving one day on a remote, impoverished island village.

On our fourth day in Thailand, when everyone was exhausted from the thrilling exploration of the past few days, our Thai brothers, who were serving as our travel guides, decided to sail us to a remote island for a relaxing day. However, when we landed ashore, my first impression of the village was gross. There were ramshackle wooden huts with garbage scattered all along the beach shore, and the unbearable odor of excrement filled the place. I thought to myself "how is this relaxing?" as I sauntered disappointedly towards the village. Our Thai brother Song met us along the way and took us to visit a local primary school located near the sea side.

The primary school did not have walls, windows, blackboards or even chairs. But from the expressions of the little kids, surprisingly, I felt nothing but joy and satisfaction. For the rest of the afternoon, my friends and I spent most of our time teaching these little kids English and building a wooden hut. Gradually I began to forget about the uncomfortable atmosphere that had bothered me initially. On a personal level, I developed a really great friendship with a boy called Chart. Chart lost his left leg due to a sailing accident when he was twelve. Although he lost his leg, he did not become discouraged, and was still striving to achieve his dream- to become a doctor. Although there was a language barrier between us, it was not insurmountable, as through his drawings and his facial expressions, I could understand both his pain and dreams. His tenacity and innocence touched me deeply.

In the evening, we built a campfire near the beach. The whole village, which was about sixty people, gathered around the fire and started to dance. While I was dancing with the villagers, I pulled out Chart from the crowd and danced with him on my back. When I saw the smile on his face, I shed a few tears.

This one day service trip pushed me to step outside of my comfort zone and take initiative to help those less fortunate than I. There is no better feeling than knowing you've made a positive impact on another person's life. I now know it is my responsibility, due to all of the privileges I have been lucky enough to receive, to help those that have been less lucky. We may not be able to perfect the word in our lifetimes, but our efforts are surely greatly rewarded.

Undergraduate / USC essay "My best friend gone slim" - Tell us about an external influence that affected you [4]

Topic: Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion in the same direction unless acted upon by an external force. Tell us about an external influence (a person, an event, etc.) that affected you and how it caused you to change direction.

"3km/hour incline 1...6km/hr incline 2.0...7km/hour incline 2.0...8km/hour incline 2.5" As the red display numbers on the monitor of the treadmill increased gradually and the timer ticked steadily upwards, my heart began to beat harder and faster, until it was pounding like a bass drum and I began to fear it may actually explode. I could feel sweat trickle, and then drip down my face, its salty sting burning my eyes. After ten minutes of this torture, my stomach, arms, thighs and legs began to feel like they were on fire, which made it all the more strange when they suddenly turned numb and insensate barely a minute later. Trying to muster up the resources needed to keep my body in motion, I tried to block out the insistent inner voice that was both screaming at me to press the STOP button, and tempting me with images of me, eating my favorite potato chips in bed. After a few more seconds of hesitation and half-hearted resistance, I gave in to that voice and stepped-off the treadmill. This was only the first day of the "Fat Burning Work Out" experiment that I had decided to conduct during the summer of my sophomore year, and it had been a big bust thus far. I hadn't been able to exercise at a suitable pace for more than 15 minutes. I was disappointed in myself, to say the least, and could barely glance at my chubby tummy in the changing room mirror without wondering whether I would ever be able to lose weight and increase my fitness level.

My tummy and I had been best friends since primary school. We were bound together by our shared love of food, and had, over the years, achieved a simple division of labor. I took care of the gastronomy, and he handled the fat storage. I justified my eating habits by telling myself that I was powerless to resist the delicious and wide variety of food available in my native cosmopolitan, food-loving Hong Kong. In fact, my mother had even told me that as a growing child, it was essential for me to take in as many nutrients as possible. And so, for a long time, my relationship with my tummy proceeded amicably.

Unfortunately, as my best friend started to grow more and more conspicuous, my classmates began to mock and tease my appearance. Instead of calling me Solomon, they began to pick on me and refer to me as fatty or the chubby muffin. I began to grow increasingly unhappy as I realized the extent to which people judged me by my appearance instead of my personality. Things had to change. For the next few years, I tried a myriad of diets and workouts to try to transform my appearance. But having lacked self-discipline my whole life, I would find myself giving up within a few days of starting any regiment.

By the time I reach sophomore in high school, I had tried several different diets and work out plan; although they had greatly improved my overall athleticism and skills in various sports, I still lacked the discipline to truly transform/improve my physical appearance. But that year, my school PE class focused on running and endurance sports, rather than skill-based sports. All that we were asked to do in order to ace the class was run 3.8km in under 19 minutes, do timed interval-sprints, and participate in an 18-station circuit training routine. It seemed simple enough, and was, for everybody but my best friend and me. While wracking my brains to try and figure out how I would get through the class with an 'A' grade, I realized one simple thing about myself. I had always been very competitive scholastically. By treating PE as an academic subject, I realized I could naturally channel my innate competitiveness to motivate myself to complete a workout plan. My summer-long 'Fat Burning Work Out' plan was born of these humble origins.

The second day of my work out proceeded in a similar fashion to my first day, in that I was unable to stay on the treadmill for longer than 15 minutes. The same thing happened on the third day, the fourth day, the fifth day and so on. Never had I encountered so many obstacles in my quest to obtain an 'A'! Then, a miracle happened. After about two weeks of panting and groaning, I stayed on the treadmill for 30 minutes! This gave me the necessary encouragement to augment my running routine with weight-training, push ups, crunches and lunges. I began to like the gym. Sometimes, instead of lazing around at home, I'd just sit in the gym and meditate, in an attempt to make myself more and more acclimatized to the environment. Although I was discouraged at times by how slowly the weighing scales registered change, I tried not to think negatively. Thinking only of my 'A', I kept reminding myself of the Chinese axiom that says, 'with persistence, even a metal bar can be sharpened into a needle.' After a month's worth of obstinate insistence, I realized I was exercising for more than 2 hours at a time. I even began to pepper my running and weight-lifting regime with liberal doses of swimming, basketball training and cycling, so as to strengthen all parts of my body and improve my fitness and endurance. "10km/hr incline 2.3...11.5km/hour incline 2.3...12.5km/hour incline 2.5", was no longer a sweat pouring exercise.

On the last day of my summer holiday training, before stepping on the scales, I closed my eyes and recalled the hardship that I had gone through. Strangely, my physical weight itself no longer seemed important; the process had had a more profound effect on me. Yes, it was gratifying when I returned to school after that summer and found everyone noticing the change in my appearance. However, I was most impacted by the knowledge that I had been able to control and deal with difficulties in my life all by myself. Because of my weight, I had encountered teasing, bullying and negativity from my peers. Dealing with the problem was also fraught with difficulties and setbacks. But by persevering and disciplining myself, I had discovered that even seemingly insurmountable obstacles can be overcome and immediate success isn't guaranteed or even necessary. I believe college in USC is like weight-losing; it will bring me face to face with many of life's struggles. However, now I am equipped to solve this problem, and fight on like the USC Trojans.

Today, my tummy and I are still best friends, but we have less of an indulgent relationship, and as a result are better friends than ever.

Thanks very much!