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USC essay "My best friend gone slim" - Tell us about an external influence that affected you


solomonsun 2 / 3  
Jan 5, 2009   #1
Topic: Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion in the same direction unless acted upon by an external force. Tell us about an external influence (a person, an event, etc.) that affected you and how it caused you to change direction.

"3km/hour incline 1...6km/hr incline 2.0...7km/hour incline 2.0...8km/hour incline 2.5" As the red display numbers on the monitor of the treadmill increased gradually and the timer ticked steadily upwards, my heart began to beat harder and faster, until it was pounding like a bass drum and I began to fear it may actually explode. I could feel sweat trickle, and then drip down my face, its salty sting burning my eyes. After ten minutes of this torture, my stomach, arms, thighs and legs began to feel like they were on fire, which made it all the more strange when they suddenly turned numb and insensate barely a minute later. Trying to muster up the resources needed to keep my body in motion, I tried to block out the insistent inner voice that was both screaming at me to press the STOP button, and tempting me with images of me, eating my favorite potato chips in bed. After a few more seconds of hesitation and half-hearted resistance, I gave in to that voice and stepped-off the treadmill. This was only the first day of the "Fat Burning Work Out" experiment that I had decided to conduct during the summer of my sophomore year, and it had been a big bust thus far. I hadn't been able to exercise at a suitable pace for more than 15 minutes. I was disappointed in myself, to say the least, and could barely glance at my chubby tummy in the changing room mirror without wondering whether I would ever be able to lose weight and increase my fitness level.

My tummy and I had been best friends since primary school. We were bound together by our shared love of food, and had, over the years, achieved a simple division of labor. I took care of the gastronomy, and he handled the fat storage. I justified my eating habits by telling myself that I was powerless to resist the delicious and wide variety of food available in my native cosmopolitan, food-loving Hong Kong. In fact, my mother had even told me that as a growing child, it was essential for me to take in as many nutrients as possible. And so, for a long time, my relationship with my tummy proceeded amicably.

Unfortunately, as my best friend started to grow more and more conspicuous, my classmates began to mock and tease my appearance. Instead of calling me Solomon, they began to pick on me and refer to me as fatty or the chubby muffin. I began to grow increasingly unhappy as I realized the extent to which people judged me by my appearance instead of my personality. Things had to change. For the next few years, I tried a myriad of diets and workouts to try to transform my appearance. But having lacked self-discipline my whole life, I would find myself giving up within a few days of starting any regiment.

By the time I reach sophomore in high school, I had tried several different diets and work out plan; although they had greatly improved my overall athleticism and skills in various sports, I still lacked the discipline to truly transform/improve my physical appearance. But that year, my school PE class focused on running and endurance sports, rather than skill-based sports. All that we were asked to do in order to ace the class was run 3.8km in under 19 minutes, do timed interval-sprints, and participate in an 18-station circuit training routine. It seemed simple enough, and was, for everybody but my best friend and me. While wracking my brains to try and figure out how I would get through the class with an 'A' grade, I realized one simple thing about myself. I had always been very competitive scholastically. By treating PE as an academic subject, I realized I could naturally channel my innate competitiveness to motivate myself to complete a workout plan. My summer-long 'Fat Burning Work Out' plan was born of these humble origins.

The second day of my work out proceeded in a similar fashion to my first day, in that I was unable to stay on the treadmill for longer than 15 minutes. The same thing happened on the third day, the fourth day, the fifth day and so on. Never had I encountered so many obstacles in my quest to obtain an 'A'! Then, a miracle happened. After about two weeks of panting and groaning, I stayed on the treadmill for 30 minutes! This gave me the necessary encouragement to augment my running routine with weight-training, push ups, crunches and lunges. I began to like the gym. Sometimes, instead of lazing around at home, I'd just sit in the gym and meditate, in an attempt to make myself more and more acclimatized to the environment. Although I was discouraged at times by how slowly the weighing scales registered change, I tried not to think negatively. Thinking only of my 'A', I kept reminding myself of the Chinese axiom that says, 'with persistence, even a metal bar can be sharpened into a needle.' After a month's worth of obstinate insistence, I realized I was exercising for more than 2 hours at a time. I even began to pepper my running and weight-lifting regime with liberal doses of swimming, basketball training and cycling, so as to strengthen all parts of my body and improve my fitness and endurance. "10km/hr incline 2.3...11.5km/hour incline 2.3...12.5km/hour incline 2.5", was no longer a sweat pouring exercise.

On the last day of my summer holiday training, before stepping on the scales, I closed my eyes and recalled the hardship that I had gone through. Strangely, my physical weight itself no longer seemed important; the process had had a more profound effect on me. Yes, it was gratifying when I returned to school after that summer and found everyone noticing the change in my appearance. However, I was most impacted by the knowledge that I had been able to control and deal with difficulties in my life all by myself. Because of my weight, I had encountered teasing, bullying and negativity from my peers. Dealing with the problem was also fraught with difficulties and setbacks. But by persevering and disciplining myself, I had discovered that even seemingly insurmountable obstacles can be overcome and immediate success isn't guaranteed or even necessary. I believe college in USC is like weight-losing; it will bring me face to face with many of life's struggles. However, now I am equipped to solve this problem, and fight on like the USC Trojans.

Today, my tummy and I are still best friends, but we have less of an indulgent relationship, and as a result are better friends than ever.

Thanks very much!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 5, 2009   #2
The first paragraph should introduce the theme of the essay. Perhaps you can divide it into two paragraphs, and at the end of the first one add a sentence that captures the central truth of the essay -- the answer to that prompt question.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 5, 2009   #3
Really strong essay. I especially like your conclusion, and the running metaphor that prepares for it. I found, though, that the first half of the essay was a bit long, in that you spend a lot of time establishing that most people find it difficult to lose weight, and that skinny people react negatively to those who are fat. I think both of those things are common knowledge, and so require less space than you give them to establish them.
OP solomonsun 2 / 3  
Jan 6, 2009   #4
thanks for all the useful comments!
i have also found it quite lengthy, thanks for pointing out that too


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