Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by uwmarc
Joined: Sep 11, 2012
Last Post: Sep 13, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 9  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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uwmarc   
Sep 13, 2012
Essays / 'Lady Liberty'; Founding fathers of America - Patriot Pen essay contest [8]

Sure thing Abi. I responded to your other message with my email addy, so I think it would be overkill to respond here too. Forgotten Patriots...I like that theme. I don't feel forgotten though. I actually don't mind if no one even knows that I served. I guess it's just part of being a soldier. I felt an obligation to give back to this great nation when I was part of the U.S. Army, so whether I receive gratitude currently, or not, it doesn't matter. I'm satisfied to have just done my part. But sure, send me your interview questions and I'll answer them . Take care.

Mario M.
uwmarc   
Sep 13, 2012
Scholarship / UW Leadership/Volunteerism Scholarship Essay [7]

Sure thing Abi. I'd be glad to help you with your essay. You can reach me at marcem1@uw.edu. I check that address quite frequently, so if you message me, I'll respond right away. When did you want to get started? Oh, and when is it due?

Mario M.
uwmarc   
Sep 13, 2012
Essays / 'Lady Liberty'; Founding fathers of America - Patriot Pen essay contest [8]

Hey chess1921,

When is this essay due? There are quite a bit of grammatical errors and I can help, but it'll take some time. I think the theme of the essay is clear. I think the message is quite obvious as well. I'll definitely help, but it will take a little time. We'll start here:

America is home to soldiers who persevere through challenging scenarios intheretheir liveslife , overcome obstacles, and are determined (insert) to fight for freedom, regardless of the cost . They serve our country without asking for anything in return,. (Period, not comma.)Theyare riskingrisktheretheir liveslife to protect our country.

That's just a start. Hope that helps!

Mario M.
uwmarc   
Sep 13, 2012
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hello everybody. My name is Mario and I am new to EssayForum. I live in the Pacific Northwest, or the great Northwest, as it is sometimes called. Here to learn from others and contribute when and where I can. So far, I'm really enjoying reading these essays. Good work people!

Mario
uwmarc   
Sep 11, 2012
Scholarship / UW Leadership/Volunteerism Scholarship Essay [7]

The essay should address how your service or leadership activities have enhanced your campus, local community and/or yourself academically, professionally, and personally. Specifically identify evidence of self- improvement and motivation as a result of this involvement and discuss how you intend to continue service after graduation. Essays must be attached to the application form. The essay should be typed, double-spaced, and one (minimum) to two (maximum) pages in length.

I've posted my essay below. Can you help to ensure that I've met requirements for this scholarship? I think so, but that's a biased opinion, I'm sure. Thanks for your assistance!!

Mario Marcelle
Scholarship Application Essay
University of Washington - Tacoma
Institute of Technology

Volunteerism has always come naturally for me. As a child, I begged and pleaded with my mother to let me be part of the Boy Scouts of America. I saw the leadership they exhibited and the feats that they accomplished as volunteers. But at the age of nine, I only qualified to be a Cub Scout, so I set out to be the best Cub Scout that I could be. As a member, I was placed in various roles within the organization and handled them well. I remember once, specifically, I was a member of a team that ensured the campfire was maintained for our breakfast one morning. I helped in the gathering of kindling, paper, and whatever other combustible material we could find, and helped start the fire. My scout leader was so impressed; she nicknamed me "Lungs", because of my eagerness to keep the fire going. Another time, we were conducting a fundraiser for a trip to the capital of our nation, Washington D.C. We canvassed our town for about eight weeks to raise the necessary funding for this trip. I was so exhilarated to have a direct role in this endeavor that even when rejected, I would attempt one more time, reminding them that this was a tax-deductible donation, though I had no idea what this meant at the time. This volunteer spirit was such a distinct characteristic of my being that I volunteered to join the United States Armed Forces at the age of nineteen.

I remember going into the United States Army, a young, timid, immature boy, unsure of what to expect. But when I exited the Army, eight years later, I was older, bolder, more mature, and I had a sense of what my purpose should be in the world. When I was enlisted, I faced obstacles that I had never encountered before, some physical, some mental. I especially remember being deployed to Southwest Asia, in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and facing uncertainty like I never had before. Those experiences have shaped me into the person that I am today; a loving father, a giving human being, a committed student and a faithful member at my church. I have researched opportunities to give back to my school, while a student at the University of Washington - Tacoma, and intend to volunteer in committees within the school. I have also looked at opportunities in the community and will do my best to volunteer where needed. Upon graduation from UW-T, I intend to help veterans that are less fortunate than I, simply because I know what they've been through and can relate to their struggles. In the meantime, because of my obligations to family and education, my volunteering activities consist of playing music for my local church. For the last seven years or so, I have volunteered at my church as a musician. Currently, I play the drums, and enjoy giving back to my community in some way.
uwmarc   
Sep 11, 2012
Essays / 'Lady Liberty'; Founding fathers of America - Patriot Pen essay contest [8]

Hi there, I've noticed just a few things in the first few sentences of your essay. I'll try to help...
As I wake up each morning and see the horizon rising, as does Lady Liberty with her torch, I feel proud to be part of America, the Home of the Brave, and Land of the Free.

Where we are all equals, and have an opportunity to make our dreams real. This is a fragmented sentence. You possibly attempted to tie this in with the previous sentence, which can be done this way: As I wake up each morning and see the horizon rising, as does Lady Liberty with her torch, I feel proud to be part of the American people.America is a wondrous land of opportunity, quite simply the Home of the Brave, and Land of the Free, where we are all equals, and have an opportunity to make our dreams reala reality . I added a few lines because I thought it added to the substance of the essay.
uwmarc   
Sep 11, 2012
Essays / Quick Paper help editing! [3]

I've noticed just a few grammatical errors in your first paragraph. Here are the corrections, with the additions and errors in red:
I have learned a many different things from reading this book. (You could even change it to say, "I have learned a lot of things by reading this book .")

know how to communicate (insert a comma here), so why...
This is something I also believed to be true, until I began readingwhich encouraged me to read further into the chapter . I believe that since you already agreed with the author, this would be something that would encourage you, not contrast what you previously believed.

I do know how to communicate, but I will be honest and admit that I am not a pro at it. This could be reworded to maybe, "Written communication is a skill that I have not yet mastered, but am continously working to improve" or something like that .

There are many different aspects to it, (insert a comma here and give some examples) such as eye contact, gestures that indicate acknowledgment and a mutual understanding of the conversation .

Hope that helps!
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