Scholarship / What makes you unique and why do you deserve this honor? [4]

" I want all students to know that it is possible to succeed by being who you are, developing your positive attributes and working hard to be a..." the use of word 'student' makes you sound quite like teacher, so better just refer to them as your fellow friends.

And it would be better if you would include some exact instances of your life for eg. a time that you were so obsessed with details and perfectionism that you awed your team mates... something like that.