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Posts by mintsnapple
Joined: Sep 28, 2012
Last Post: Dec 30, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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mintsnapple   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Background's Influence on Types of Problems You Want Solved - Harvey Mudd Supp. [2]

This is the Harvey Mudd supplement prompt for one of its essays:

1. "Scientific research is a human endeavor. The choices of topics that we research are based on our biases, our beliefs, and what we bring: our cultures and our families. The kinds of problems that people put their talents to solving depends on their values." - Dr. Clifton Poodry

How has your own background influenced the types of problems you want to solve?

In the Philippines, we have an old saying: "He who does not know to look where he came from will never get to his destination." I've always believed that the environment and a person's upbringing are what shape his tendencies, characteristics, and qualities. I keep my roots in mind every day in my pursuits, goals, and ambitions.

My parents have had a great impact on me, and I don't mean the neverending support and aid I receive from them, but the things they did even before I was born. My mother never had the opportunity to go to college; growing up as the oldest of eight children in the Philippines she spent most of her time taking care of her siblings and working hard and diligently. My father, conversely, had some college education, but, like my mother, sacrificed his own self-actualization for his posterity: they both believed moving to the United States would provide both them and their children better opportunities for healthy lives.

Even though we weren't by any means affluent or opulent, my mother decided to send my brother and sister and I to Catholic elementary schools, stressing the importance of what she believed to be high quality education. She constantly reminded me to "work hard, because someone is paying for your school." And I did just that, becoming valedictorian of my graduating class.

Slowly approaching my high school career, I began to notice the strains of my tuition on my mother, who I still believe the main breadwinner of my family. Working overtime, becoming furious when her shifts were cancelled, and constant arguing with my father - it was too overwhelming for her. I had won a $2000 scholarship to a good Catholic high school, the same one my brother and sister attended years before, but I knew that alone wasn't enough to relieve the burden. And so, I myself made the decision to go to a public high school.

Yet, that alone was still insufficient to alleviate the situation. My parents' separation in my sophomore year of high school put my mother in even more financial strain. She had difficulty coping with test fees and other finances associated to my education. Not qualifying for meal tickets and thus fee waivers further aggravated the weight.

As such, I did what I could to help my mother. After being rejected to various jobs, I took to selling various snacks and foods to other students, even though it is forbidden on campus, in order to help pay for my multiple AP's, SAT's, and my volleyball dues. I even used some of my Christmas and birthday money to compensate for my test fees.

I was both confused and extremely angry. I did not understand why or how a financial situation could deter or obstruct a high-achieving person from his goals. I vowed to not only use my talents and abilities for myself and my family, but for others who were in my situation. Yet right now, I thought to myself, I could never achieve anything without focusing on a proper education.

In my high school career, I was drawn to pursue a career in engineering, which is, like me, logical and rational, and I still believe that engineering can change the world in so many fields. I promised myself to not only solve the world's problems through mathematics, but to solve the problems of high-achieving students suffering from financial difficulties everywhere.

I wanted so desperately to start some sort of fund - some sort of organization, some sort of foundation - where needy students of all backgrounds could seek help and aid so earnestly that I thought about my own children in the future and how I did not wish for any financial hardship to impede their success and aspirations. I knew companies like this existed - and I'm thankful from the bottom of my heart that they do - but I also knew that not everyone received the help that they deserved, and many did not even know about the potential benefits they qualified for. I'm aware that I can't possibly alleviate the whole world of its financial problems, but I know that even the tiniest speck of help can inspire others to do the same.

Though my situation was quite adverse, I was cognizant that thousands of other people would give anything for my life here in America. I realized when I lived in the Philippines, things that I took for granted - clean water and air, showers, medicine, and what hurt most of all: education - weren't always readily supplied. These things were necessities; how can there be any doubt or uncertainty as to whether or not they were available?

To me, technology is a beautiful thing. Its growth reflects that of humans themselves; with every discovery, technology improves; with every experience, good or bad, technology improves; with every change in thinking, technology improves. In the modern world, technology is becoming fundamental for survival - it provides us with clean water, life support, medication, and homes. Auspiciousness doesn't come as easily to other countries, yet why should that be their burden alone? Sharing and introducing technology is equivalent to establishing a foundation for basic necessities, and I believe that advancement only facilitates living even further. In essence, my ultimate goal and dream isn't to merely attend Harvey Mudd, but to contribute to the engineering field and society in ways that can only benefit and inspire others.
mintsnapple   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein ; Common App/ Literature that surprised me [2]

It's good, just a few things:

Try not to be too redundant with "however"

Try to make a shorter summary of the story; it isn't what your essay is about.

"but I realize now, that I was only taking"

There should be no comma

Also, try to make your essay sound better by using active voice.
mintsnapple   
Dec 30, 2012
Letters / Letter to the Head of xxxx Group [3]

It's good, just a few things though:

First of all, sorry for not responding sooner.

Should be more formal, like "Firstly, I apologize for not responding sooner."

Unfortunately, I have to cancel my postdoc request and I do apologize for that.

Should be something like "Unfortunately, I have to cancel the postdoc request I made". Just so you're not redundant with apologizing.

As a respect to him, I will continue for the moment.

Should be "In respect to him, I am deciding to continue with my current position."

However during my postdoc

Take out "However".

so during 2013 I will contact you

Make it sound more formal by saying something like "In 2013, I will contact you..."

In meantime

Should be "In the meantime"
mintsnapple   
Sep 28, 2012
Scholarship / "My greatest achievement was my greatest loss" (AcaDeca) - Common App prompt [3]

Hi, I'm doing this scholarship essay and the prompt is as follows:
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)

My essay is below, any feedback is appreciated. My only problems is that I think the topic is boring and not unique enough; to me I feel like it's cliche. Also, I was thinking of taking out the first paragraph as I think it leads on to the story's message too much. Thank you!

---
Everyone enjoys winning -- the right to brag in front of peers, friends, family, and infatuations certainly is seemingly appealing. Losing, however, is a very important experience in itself; after all what good is winning when one learns more from losing?

My school is a very competitive contender in the Academic Decathlon; we are invited to the state
competition every year and usually place in the top five. In the 10th grade, the stars seemingly aligned to allow me a coveted spot on the team, a spot only two sophomores before me in my school's entire history had achieved. I studied day and night for my spot; studying in class whenever I could and even prioritizing Decathlon before everything else. I yearned to hold that seat in history for the third sophomore to ever make the team, and had the scores to qualify, but a junior instead replaced me on the day the final roster was due. I could only assume my coach decided that she was more mature than me and felt remorse that she had not made the team the previous year, but that was just an angry, disappointed, and confused 10th grader thinking. Why didn't I win? I vowed to prove myself, and I believe I did. But, this essay isn't about me trying out the next year and becoming the all-time highest scorer in history - or something like that. I learned much more from that loss than what I could have had I continued on as a member of the team.

I competed that year at the western Regionals of the World's Scholar's Cup, an international team competition filled with subjects such as Team Debate, Team Essay, Economics, Literature, Fine Arts, etc. I wanted to prove to my coach that he had made a wrong decision - it was the only thing my overconfident, immature 10th grade mind could think of. But looking back at that event, I didn't care that I scored the highest in my school, that I took home more than 10 medals, including 3rd in Team Debate, 2nd overall in test scores, and 3rd overall in the entire competition. I triumphed over my previous loss and gained skills and abilities unattainable at that level anywhere else: speech, debate, problem solving, study strategies, time-efficiency, analyzing, synthesizing, and countless others.

My desire to be the best in these academic competitions had left me with experience vital to life. I went on to fulfill leadership roles in different clubs such as National Honors Society and my school newspaper, I excelled in my classes using the skills I had gained, and most importantly, realized the importance of loss. I recognized that if I learned from my loss, I didn't really lose much at all. Ironically, I gained; "Why didn't I win?" became "What is this loss trying to teach me?" Ironically, my most significant achievement was my greatest loss.
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