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Posts by canyouhelpme
Joined: Oct 8, 2012
Last Post: Nov 22, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  

From: India

Displayed posts: 10
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canyouhelpme   
Nov 22, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'advice from immature people' - about making decisions [4]

Dumi, what do you mean by improving clarity of the sentences. Could you please please make it more explanatory with errors ? This would really help me. My toefl is exam is near.
canyouhelpme   
Nov 22, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'advice from immature people' - about making decisions [4]

Before making a decision, it is important to find out if the decision will be popular with others.
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When considering a solution at times it is necessary to consult many people. However, personally, I disagree with the assertion that decisions making should be based on popularity. This opinion is based on the ideas such as decision based on others consent; solution leading to utter confusion; and voluntary solution is the best.

First, I believe that basing decision on the grounds whether being accepted by other could lead you to a disastrous solution. Consider, for example, that some might feel it's not important to send children to the best school as it is expensive. If you agree with this statement then your son or daughter would never get the best education. We know that education is the best investment for any person. As this stays throughout their lifetime and would help a person in one or the other ways. In spite of, you knowing this if you believe others, who have never got the taste of good education, you might risks future life of youngsters. If there is any doubt then rather than taking advice from immature people it's better to consult an expert in the area, who would be better to guide you.

In addition to the issue of decision based on others' thoughts, I feel that considering many people on a single question would lead to confusion. There is a saying that many head on one problem might lead to confusion. This correctly applies to every situation, decision making by managers at a MNC or at home where all the family members might fight with each other to make a simple choice. Managers are trained not to commit this mistake so they put only specific number of people in a project. Even at home elders will ask only a few people, whom they think are the best to solve a problem. For example, at home if there are some items to be purchased for decoration, then only women in the house make this decision. Thus, decision making should not be given to many people to increase the muddiness of the situation.

Finally alongside the issue of having decision making by taking others' help and thoughts by many leading to confusion, I think that decision making is a voluntary process which should not be manipulated as it can stress a person. When we ask a child about his best chocolate then we get an instantaneous answer. Some parent might suppress this by showing eye or by beating their child as they think chocolates are not good for health. In this case, child would never ask for his favorite chocolates and would link chocolates with a feeling of fear. This would be detrimental to the cognitive development of this child. Hence, applying force to change a choice can lead to a sever problem which relates back that a choice selection should be based on voluntary actions.

My consideration of the issue of decision making based on popularity has explored factors such as taking help from others, solution leading to confusion, and decision making a voluntary process. These considerations led me to disagree with the blanket statement that decision making should be a based others opinion rather than on one's own selection.
canyouhelpme   
Nov 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / US government to cease funding the NASA [10]

Not sure what is the problem for the below sentence.

2.Apart from taking NASA as ... (This sentence has grammar problem.)

3. ... like NASA should not be a solution to the other problems. (Why you use "to the other" many times?)

Corrected : I do agree that poverty and homelessness are very important issues but decrease in funding to an organization like NASA should not be a proper solution.
canyouhelpme   
Nov 21, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the gravity of challenges' - Bentley University Supplement Essay [5]

Albert, it's not a problem even if you do not have a good writing skills. This could be developed over time so read, read and read, and write a lot.

Some info on writing templates :-

Intro.
Point1 with supporting examples
Point1 with supporting examples.
Conclusion.

This is the easiest way to have a good essay. Use transition words. Do some research on the topic and then start writing.
canyouhelpme   
Nov 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / Individualism and Personal Diversity [3]

You have made mistakes in have/has, is .

On the other hand, the latter means only thinking oneself and behaving without consideration of other persons

On the other hand, the latter concentrates on only thinking about oneself and behaving without considering others.
canyouhelpme   
Nov 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / US government to cease funding the NASA [10]

If is the best interest of the US government to cease funding the National Aeronautic and Space Administration (NASA). The cost of a federal agency like NASA a gargantuan, and the returns on the investment are limited. Funding could be better allocated to dealing with pressing social problems, such as homelessness and poverty. Develop a response to the claim in which you discuss whether or not agree with it. Focus especially on the most powerful or compelling examples that could be used to refute your position.

Request for full review. Look for overall idea, sentence structure, punctuation. Do I add any more details. Is there any contradictory ideas or statements ??

funding the National Aeronautic and Space Administration (NASA)



Beyond doubt, the issue to homelessness and poverty are important and should be taken with utmost importance. However, personally, I disagree with the assertion that decrease in funding of NASA and concentrating more on issues like homelessness and poverty, would be the best interest to the government. This opinion is based on the ideas such as innovation by NASA; supporting young innovator in their research; and providing job to a large number and supporting poor.

First, NASA has implemented a number of innovative ideas which has created good business that cannot be overlooked. During 19th century NASA was the first organization in the world to send a manned spacecraft to moon. Even though, one might question the importance of sending spacecraft to moon compared to the benefits from poverty and other important issues, it might be shortsightedness to dismiss the benefits this program has given for the years. Currently, NASA is earning 3 billion dollars business just by helping other nations prepare for the manned spacecraft to moon. This brings foreign currency in US which in turn does benefit the nation. To add, NASA is indirectly supporting poverty by creating job. Hence, dismissing the benefits of NASA would affect the nation financially and also in fighting poverty and joblessness.

In addition to innovative ideas, NASA has supported young research fellows to conduct experiment in space, who have given solution for difficult problems. It is a dream come true for the researchers who get a chance to work in NASA as this will boost their practical knowledge in space. This research conducted by young genius has developed outstanding ideas like medicines to fight cancer and HVI. Not supporting will decrease these research programs which would also force these research people to choose a different field of study. Thus, this would lead to fewer innovators and would also leave the unsolved problems in the world.

Finally, alongside the issue of innovation and young innovators, NASA has employed two lakhs people and benefited many by financial support. Apart from taking NASA as a funding sink, we must also look into the other side where NASA has created job and is home for a number of people. Also, every year NASA is one of the biggest recruiters from engineering and medical schools. Not just that, NASA has even started programs by sponsoring students at a very young age to get involved with their areas of interest, thereby giving poor a chance to study. Thus, the idea of negating funds given to NASA as a bad return on investment would not have looked into the others areas like financial support given by NASA.

My consideration of the issue of decrease in funding NASA has explored factors such as innovation, a place for innovators, and employment and financial support. These considerations led me to disagree with the blanket statement that decrease in funding NASA would be beneficial to the government. I do agree that poverty and homelessness are very important issues but decrease in funds to an organization like NASA should not be a solution to the other problems.
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