Posts by psam

psam

Oct 11, 2012

Undergraduate / How debating changed me - Commonapp Extracurricular short essay [4]

Thanks for the feedback. You're right that the passivity of the sentences make them sound weird, but I didn't want to make it "I, I, I", you know?

The second sentence was there to sort of try to show what sort of work was required (which I assume a good admissions officer would take to be personal skills/qualities I possess since I was a two-time champion).

Will work on some changes and post. Thanks again.

**EDIT** Also, I can't think of a way to rephrase the first sentence. "The art... is a thrilling experience" just sounds wrong. Will keep you guys posted. Many thanks.

psam

Oct 10, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Chinese bamboo hammers' - extracurricular essay-FINAL [2]

I think that your essay is very well written and captivating. Showing that the yangqin's role is indispensable serves to highlight that you are considered important, and the 'perfect harmony' suggests that you are a team player. The closing sentence sums it up rather nicely.

I like it!

psam

Oct 10, 2012

Undergraduate / How debating changed me - Commonapp Extracurricular short essay [4]

"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences"

The art of using opinions and facts to convince an audience is a thrilling experience. Being a debater for the inter-secondary school debates was an experience which gave me a new outlook on everything.

Competitively arguing, critically analysing opponents' arguments and yet speaking clearly and concisely was required of me so that our team could win. Hours of practice enunciating words and jargon required for certain topics was necessary.

Aside from the actual debates, we spent hours researching factual evidence and attempting to predict what our opponents would argue. Debating, therefore, endowed me with several skills including critical thinking, time management and research skills.

Being national champion two years in a row was a rewarding experience, which taught me that hard work pays off. The debating mindset helps me in all other aspects of my life as it allows me to objectively consider all given facts and come up with conclusions, which is an invaluable skill.

The above is 985 characters, just under the 1000 character limit. Please critique it as harshly as you want. Any grammar tips, more complex vocabulary or turns of phrase to make the essay a better read would be appreciated. Thanks very much! :)