joiedelire
Oct 29, 2012
Undergraduate / 1000 character Common App Extracurricular - Track [5]
Nice! I really like how this essay reflects on your personal traits as well as your extracurricular activity! The only thing that I would say is that
"He mocked me, coaxed me. "Give up, Owen, there's always the next race... Is the pain really worth it? Just. Give. Up."" sounds a little awkward. Perhaps consider revising it to be:
"Give up, Owen," he mocked. "There's always the next race..." etc.
But otherwise, really well-written! Hope that helped!
Nice! I really like how this essay reflects on your personal traits as well as your extracurricular activity! The only thing that I would say is that
"He mocked me, coaxed me. "Give up, Owen, there's always the next race... Is the pain really worth it? Just. Give. Up."" sounds a little awkward. Perhaps consider revising it to be:
"Give up, Owen," he mocked. "There's always the next race..." etc.
But otherwise, really well-written! Hope that helped!