Undergraduate / 'The job I both hate and love' - COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER - EXTRACURRICULARS [2]

I'm applying to Wharton as a primary choice, followed by Brown, Cornell, Stern and some others.
The Character count is exactly 1,000 =)
Here's my short answer:

People leap like apes from one shelf to another, while others stand in their designated spot pretending to dance like hormone-fueled teenagers. It's not a typical work atmosphere; it's dark, house music roars, while sweet, artificial scents diffuse across the shop floor. Like most other colleagues I count down the minutes until I can leave this mad house. Nevertheless, as I leave after each shift, a part of me always impatiently awaits my return. It's not the wage, it's not the discounts, it's something so brilliant, it cannot be quantified.

Despite the barbaric nature of the environment at Hollister, we always find a way to work in harmony. Whether I work on the bustling shop floor, or in the vast underground network of the stock rooms, the interpersonal skills I develop through handling impatient customers while collaborating with colleagues made every minute of my job worthwhile. The invaluable skills I have learnt will encourage my integration in whatever community I am yet to join.

Undergraduate / Common App Extracurricular Short Answer - Rowing [6]

Please have a look at what I came up with. Comment honestly and helpfully :)

On a dark winter's evening, [my high school's name] Boat Club witnessed an unfamiliar figure making it's way into the training room. Eye-brows were raised, crew stretching halted, there were grins of contempt. "You're not starting now, are you?". The prospect, self confident and assertive, answered "Yeah, I thought I'll give it a go". Over the next seven months, eye-brows continued to be raised as records were hit and oarsmen were beaten.

It's September. I glance upon the tasks that lay ahead of me: admission to my sought-after college, academic assignments, leading the Economics Society and my new role as Captain of Boats. The latter task calls for a leader, role-model and key athlete. My recent inheritance of power and authority demands for an equal measure of responsibility and maturity, both of which are weaved into my personality. I did not give up becoming who I am today. If my followers adopt my worth ethic and perseverance, there will be no limits to what we, as a rowing club, can achieve.

Hope it's good!

My College List:
Penn (Wharton), Brown, Cornell, BU, NYU, Northeastern, Harvard, Stanford.