mjinoh1220
Jan 29, 2009
Undergraduate / I like to consider myself as a fledgling learning how to fly. USC transfer - me against the world [7]
thanks a lot for the help =]
thanks a lot for the help =]
mjinoh1220
Jan 28, 2009
Undergraduate / I like to consider myself as a fledgling learning how to fly. USC transfer - me against the world [7]
After a long day of school and work, I come back to an empty and dark home. It wasn't always empty, and the lights were always on, until I decided to move out and live on my own. It was a tough choice. After getting rejected by the school of my dream, I chose not to attend any other colleges and to start over- on my own. I was living with my mom during high school and my dad was back in Korea. When I decided to take another shot at USC, I made the decision to live on my own. My dad, going into his mid 50s, needed my mom more than I did. It all seemed simple to me at first. I knew how to feed myself, I had a job, and I had a goal - what else do I need to worry about? I had a very premature understanding of independence. There were myriads of hardship awaiting me in this journey. Each adversity was like a teacher to me, and it trained me in ways no textbook could ever teach.
how does that sound..? do you think there is a smooth transition between each paragraphs? and does the conclusion seem complete? I keep feeling like theres something missing in the last paragraph
After a long day of school and work, I come back to an empty and dark home. It wasn't always empty, and the lights were always on, until I decided to move out and live on my own. It was a tough choice. After getting rejected by the school of my dream, I chose not to attend any other colleges and to start over- on my own. I was living with my mom during high school and my dad was back in Korea. When I decided to take another shot at USC, I made the decision to live on my own. My dad, going into his mid 50s, needed my mom more than I did. It all seemed simple to me at first. I knew how to feed myself, I had a job, and I had a goal - what else do I need to worry about? I had a very premature understanding of independence. There were myriads of hardship awaiting me in this journey. Each adversity was like a teacher to me, and it trained me in ways no textbook could ever teach.
how does that sound..? do you think there is a smooth transition between each paragraphs? and does the conclusion seem complete? I keep feeling like theres something missing in the last paragraph
mjinoh1220
Jan 27, 2009
Undergraduate / I like to consider myself as a fledgling learning how to fly. USC transfer - me against the world [7]
haha i do feel like my essay doesnt flow the way i wanted to
my intension were to write about living alone as my external influence
and the reason why i had to move out was..like i stated in the essay...
cuz my dad needed my mom more than i did..but i guess that wasnt made
clear in the first paragrah..well when i first wrote the essay it went over the
500-700 limit and so i started erasing stuff that i thought werent as important
and now the essay doesn seem to flow...any ideas on how to change it...?
thanks for your opinion tho..
i really need help on this =/..anyone else with other ideas or comments plz
feel free to criticize lol
haha i do feel like my essay doesnt flow the way i wanted to
my intension were to write about living alone as my external influence
and the reason why i had to move out was..like i stated in the essay...
cuz my dad needed my mom more than i did..but i guess that wasnt made
clear in the first paragrah..well when i first wrote the essay it went over the
500-700 limit and so i started erasing stuff that i thought werent as important
and now the essay doesn seem to flow...any ideas on how to change it...?
thanks for your opinion tho..
i really need help on this =/..anyone else with other ideas or comments plz
feel free to criticize lol
mjinoh1220
Jan 27, 2009
Undergraduate / I like to consider myself as a fledgling learning how to fly. USC transfer - me against the world [7]
Topic # 3 Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion in the same direction unless acted upon by an external force. Tell us about an external influence that affected you and how it caused you to change direction.
I like to consider myself as a fledgling learning how to fly. A mother bird can teach its baby the tips for flying, but it's all up to the baby to fly. If I were afraid to falling, I would never fly. At first, I was afraid of throwing myself out into this world. My parents always protected me. I was so used to my parents taking care of me. At first, I missed my parents and their strict rules. I hated the fact that I had to set my own rules and regulations. It took me a long time to realize that without self-control, I cannot make it in this world. This experience has put myself in perspective of this tough and challenging place we call the world.
Society doesn't always have its arms open and ready for you. I couldn't be an immature teenager anymore. I didn't have my parents to remind me of what I am supposed to do everyday. No one was there to tell me if I was making the right choices. There were times when I just wanted to give up everything and call my mom for help. Frustration piled up like the unclean dishes in my kitchen. I wanted to live a 'normal' student life like all my other friends. But then, I started to realize something. One day, as my friends were complaining about how little spending money they received and how annoyed they were of their parents, something clicked inside me. What I had was a privilege. I was the one living the 'normal' life. This privileged life had finally opened me to the real world. It was as if this experience uncovered a veil called teenage life, and I was able to view the world the way it was suppose to be.
I have certainly learned many valuable lessons through this experience. The most essential one is that small things are the key to making it big in this world. No one can shine in this world without knowing how to take care of oneself. How can somebody manage a whole company if he cannot even keep his house clean? These weren't any new ideas I came up with. My parents have tried to drill these messages in me for 18 years. It took me six months of living alone to finally realize what they were trying to teach me.
I can't say I have learnt everything about the world through this experience. I have only begun to dip my toes into this ocean. There will be some rough times in my life. There will be times when I find myself caught between vicious waves. When those times come, I will remember the things I learned today; I will remember not how hard it was when I lived alone, but how great it felt when I stayed strong and fought through the waves. I will remember that once the waves leave, I will have advanced deeper into the ocean.
hmmm i feel like i'm missing something in the conclusion..seems unfinished..but arghhh i need lots of touchup on this..plz help me out guys!! thanks =]
Topic # 3 Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion in the same direction unless acted upon by an external force. Tell us about an external influence that affected you and how it caused you to change direction.
I like to consider myself as a fledgling learning how to fly. A mother bird can teach its baby the tips for flying, but it's all up to the baby to fly. If I were afraid to falling, I would never fly. At first, I was afraid of throwing myself out into this world. My parents always protected me. I was so used to my parents taking care of me. At first, I missed my parents and their strict rules. I hated the fact that I had to set my own rules and regulations. It took me a long time to realize that without self-control, I cannot make it in this world. This experience has put myself in perspective of this tough and challenging place we call the world.
Society doesn't always have its arms open and ready for you. I couldn't be an immature teenager anymore. I didn't have my parents to remind me of what I am supposed to do everyday. No one was there to tell me if I was making the right choices. There were times when I just wanted to give up everything and call my mom for help. Frustration piled up like the unclean dishes in my kitchen. I wanted to live a 'normal' student life like all my other friends. But then, I started to realize something. One day, as my friends were complaining about how little spending money they received and how annoyed they were of their parents, something clicked inside me. What I had was a privilege. I was the one living the 'normal' life. This privileged life had finally opened me to the real world. It was as if this experience uncovered a veil called teenage life, and I was able to view the world the way it was suppose to be.
I have certainly learned many valuable lessons through this experience. The most essential one is that small things are the key to making it big in this world. No one can shine in this world without knowing how to take care of oneself. How can somebody manage a whole company if he cannot even keep his house clean? These weren't any new ideas I came up with. My parents have tried to drill these messages in me for 18 years. It took me six months of living alone to finally realize what they were trying to teach me.
I can't say I have learnt everything about the world through this experience. I have only begun to dip my toes into this ocean. There will be some rough times in my life. There will be times when I find myself caught between vicious waves. When those times come, I will remember the things I learned today; I will remember not how hard it was when I lived alone, but how great it felt when I stayed strong and fought through the waves. I will remember that once the waves leave, I will have advanced deeper into the ocean.
hmmm i feel like i'm missing something in the conclusion..seems unfinished..but arghhh i need lots of touchup on this..plz help me out guys!! thanks =]
