Undergraduate / "Korean Eye of the Storm" UC Personal Statement Prompt #1 [NEW]

I am still in super rough draft mode - I had a huge bout of writer's block trying to write my thoughts, and so far this is what I have.

IT'S UNFINISHED AS WELL. Please comment, I need feedback of any kind.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Building a Working Product

I am a young tree caught in the eye of a storm. The colder clouds of my South Korean household engulfed the warm front of my American upbringing and combined to create the typhoon that swirls around me.

The cold front comes from my family - the only branch of the main household that ever emigrated to California. That thought of isolation really motivated my parents to pass as much Korean culture onto me while I was still a baby - whether it was eating Korean food every day at home, cultivating my mastery of the Korean language, or exposing me to Korean media. They themselves learned almost no English at all over the two decades we've been here, a lasting testimony to how much they shunned American culture. I became the hybrid immigrant in my family, the one that was bilingual and juggled two cultures every day.

For the other twelve hours not spent at home, I attended school that was almost entirely non-Korean. It was like I put on another persona when I stepped on school grounds - hiding the Korean culture I had in me, and embracing friends, education, and teachers raised in the American way. I remember not eating the Korean food my parents packed for me, and opting rather to eat the cheeseburgers and the pancakes at school.

For seventeen years the storm has battered me with its hail and its lightning, desperately trying to uproot me to one side or the other, yet I remain calm and thriving under the clash.

UPDATE:

COMPLETELY rewrote this. So if it's bad, please comment and ravish away!

Sometimes I felt like I was wearing a mask, hiding behind another face. Taking on a persona for half a day was always a challenge, especially at school or anywhere outside. Whether it's using only Korean at home, or only English with my friends, I became two different people to fit two cultures.

Born in South Korea and raised by cold, adamant parents, family and the motherland shaped my social culture. Throughout my childhood, I was taught values of independence and perseverance, just as it took me fifteen years to remaster two languages.

Growing up in Los Angeles, however, my teenage years absorbed the American culture that was thrown at me since the first grade. I walked into class not knowing a single letter of the alphabet, and so I had no initial knowledge of a classroom environment, of English, of anything. I learned as quickly as I could to embrace the massive wave of culture crashing down on me. Once I became fluent in English, and transferred to another school in third grade, I began to desire American culture more and more, as I was sheltered from it for so long at home. In order to fulfill that craving, I did my best not to act Korean in any way, so I could fully immerse myself in school and English. Within two years, Americanization infiltrated me, diminishing my knowledge of Korean, and molding me through long hours spent at school and with non-Korean friends. However, I was able to find a middle path between the two conflicting spheres in high school, as I realized that the two halves balanced together created a stronger bond than the two separated.

As I relish the satisfaction in putting long hours in building a working product, my dream is to be an engineer, be it aerospace or aeronautical. The education and culture I grew up with in Los Angeles, balanced with the Korean values passed down from my parents, also anchored my aspiration to become an example to immigrants who similarly struggle with finding their identity behind a persona.

Undergraduate / Office of Immigration Services - UC Essay- The inner Korean stuck with me [8]

Very, very rough draft of my common app essay. Please comment willingly and with all criticism.

Option #1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
This August marked the one-year anniversary of my family's closest step toward the finish line - when I became a Permanent Resident here in the United States. The decades-long journey for American citizenship that I faced with my family members was suddenly given a jet-engine boost when our applications fell through for the Green Card. This summer really made me think over all the difficulties I faced, whether it was not being able to travel to places I wanted to, or take opportunities in education that required American qualifications. I remembered how my world was always split between Korean and American culture, and so I was, and still am, an imperfect hybrid body, a yin-yang of two nationalities.

The profound reason that separates me from my other Korean friends is that I am the first-generation immigrant, which identifies my birth in South Korea. I carry along with me unalienable mannerisms and traditions that only exist if you were born and raised under a infamous strict Asian parenthood. The inner Korean stuck with me, even as I grew up here in Los Angeles, and I just became more and more Americanized on the outside. As I progressed through grade school, I learned to speak fluent English, made a wide circle of friends, and witnessed some of America's biggest events right on its soil. Little did I know that throughout my educational opportunity, my parents struggled to renew visa after visa, because they originally did not have the money to pay for the Green Card's astounding cost. Year after year they pinched away as much savings as they could to apply and advance up in the wait list for permanent residence - a fact kept from me until I was 14 years old. My parents did their best to keep the waitlist a secret from me until we were placed higher and given a possible chance for a Green Card interview.

The fateful opportunity finally arrived in the mail during the winter break of 2010. My family finally received a chance to head downtown and hold an interview about our life here in America at the Immigration Services building. I felt so nervous being dressed up in a suit and waiting for an hour until my name was called. Years of hope was riding on this interview, but I managed to keep my cool and push through. Three weeks later a large package came in the mail with our four permanent residence cards. It really was a green colored card - I thought that was just a nickname for it. Holding the slim, magnetic rectangle in my hands, it felt like I just covered half my goal to becoming an American citizen in a single bound. I could not help but feel so grateful, and so understanding of all the other peers and families I knew who were not as fortunate as I was to receive the card that year. All those years of filing papers, meeting with lawyers, and anxiety swirled around in my mind, clouding out all my other thoughts. Now that I had the opportunity to become a citizen, I felt even more empowered and inspired to reach the finish line - where I could fully become a citizen of the only country I know, and pledge allegiance to the shimmering flag that stood tall in the green card.

Since last August, the impact my permanent residence has been significant. I am no longer the anxious student who felt like Los Angeles was his only boundary. I am now the confident, optimistic, and eager man ready to enter college, study abroad, and make a difference in my community because I am that much closer to achieving my lifelong goal.