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'a career in dentistry' - UC Prompt #1


TheJackal2013 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2012   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Growing up, the rules that are upheld in our household by my parents can be very strict at many times unlike that of my peers. My parents also have high expectations of my success because of the education available to young minds. The fact that our family business has not been doing too well, financially, also heightens my parent's expectations of me. Witnessing the struggles and hard work my parents do to maintain our business strongly motivates me to reach my goal of becoming a dentist, so I can create a better life for not just myself, but also my parents.

It was about a year ago that I noticed some of my friends' were confused about what they plan to do after high school because their parent's were not involved with them and were too carefree of what their kids did. My friend Nathaniel loved to skateboard, and even though skateboarding is a good exercise, skating was all he ever did. His parents let him skateboard all the time and never enforced any rules upon him, which I believe is the reason to why he is unsure if he wants to go to college. Seeing how hard of a time Nathaniel was having with his future, I realized how lucky I was to have helpful parents. My mother helps me plan out my life after high school multiple times a week. Having a bedtime at ten o' clock at night on weekdays and making me tutor my ten year old brother in basic math skills were just a few rules my parents enforced upon me. As odd as it may sound, I am thankful that my parents were involved and strict towards me because it keeps me on track and responsible for my life.

The one thing that strongly motivates me to reach my goal of working as a dentist is that I don't want to let my parents down. With the current bad state our family business is in, I cannot imagine my parents having to work through it another ten years. I want to be able to financially support my parents and family, which is why I desirably strive for success.

I want to pursue a career in dentistry by attending dental school after I complete four years of college as an undergraduate student majoring in biology. While I was in middle school, before I had braces, I was made fun of because my teeth were crooked. After having braces, many people, even strangers, complimented me of my teeth by how "pretty" they looked. The main reason I want to pursue dentistry is to help those who have bad teeth because I have been in their place before. I do not want others to get bullied because of their teeth, and by helping them as a dentist I can significantly lower their chance of being bullied.
chow95 - / 24 1  
Nov 25, 2012   #2
I want to pursue a career in dentistry by attending dental school after I complete four years of college as an undergraduate student majoring in biology.

undergraduate student is redundant
CubiksRuber 2 / 6  
Nov 25, 2012   #3
Growing up, the rules that are upheld in our household by my parents can be very strict at many times unlike that of my peers.

Growing up, the rules that are upheld by my parents (or "in my household) were very strict at many times unlike that of my peers.

The fact that our family business has not been doing too well, financially, also heightens my parent's expectations of me. (erase the comma after "too well" and "financially" - it flows more smoothly that way)

Witnessing the struggles and hard work my parents go through to maintain our business strongly motivated me to reach my goal of becoming a dentist, so I could create a better life for not just myself, but also my parents.

That sentence above ^ should be the focus of your essay. Try to write a short, specific anecdote about a certain hardship your parents went through. Then you reflect on it and show the admissions officers what your dream is - like buying your parents a dream home in the future. How did that specific memory/hardship shape your dream of creating a better life?

Overall I think it's a good essay but the stories or examples need to be narrowed down to one strong story that has impact to the reader to make them think "Gee, this student really has strong aspirations for something."


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