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Posts by rahullmantri
Joined: Nov 14, 2012
Last Post: Nov 26, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: India

Displayed posts: 5
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rahullmantri   
Nov 26, 2012
Undergraduate / personal statement of sarah: 'college is one of the scariest dreams' [4]

blueeyes816
Growing up my mother has always told me, "Not going to college is not an option," but for some reason I never thought putting my life into a five hundred word personal statement would be this hard.

You should write a good thesis statement that captures the reader at the end of the first paragraph. Try working on that.

And, I guess this works fine : I have put a lot of thought into my college decision, and Saint Mary's is number one on my list
rahullmantri   
Nov 14, 2012
Undergraduate / Dribble, pass, shoot -Simple Concepts, yet Complex in Execution; EXTRACURRICULAR ACT [6]

Dribble, pass, shoot-simple concepts, yet complex in execution when it comes to my favorite sport, soccer. It is the teamwork, strategy, and pure adrenaline rush that I get when I'm on the field that elevates my passion for it. My biggest achievement was at the semifinals of one of the world's largest youth soccer tournaments, the Dana Cup in Denmark. Our team was down to 10 men and we had just tied the game in the injury time. A penalty shootout was to decide the verdict. After four shots, the score was 4-3. We needed a goal to seal the victory. My coach called me and said, "This is everything you have been trained for." I was nervous, but I told myself, "its now or never." I got myself together, looked at my teammates who had their hopes pinned on me, and took the shot. I scored, and we won. I felt ecstatic.

I just made this draft of the common app essay. Any revisions that you suggest ?
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