Writing Feedback / AP Lang Essay: The Twerp in the Photo is Me [5]

Things may be different in the US, but in the UK essays that say 'I and Me' are style-fails. I would talk about your subject in a dispassionate, third person style as this is more academic. Further, what stood out from the first few sentences was the stuff about your Cat. Is this relevant to a particular photo? Have you chosen a particular photo? You appear to be rambling here, in the first impression section of your paper. My advice is to answer the question directly; rather than find your direction while writing the opening lines, find it and THEN write the opening lines. There are plenty of online resources for writing Undergraduate essays out there, but by far an away the best is Amazon's best selling eBook:

Horton-Eddison "Study Skills, Essay Writing for University: The Essential Guide for Writing First Class Essays in Under 24Hours" to your PC, iPhone or Kindle.

It really does exactly what it says on the cover and costs around $3 for instant download. It has notes on structure, flow, referencing, thesis, style etc as well as what marking tutors look for and, of course, marking criteria so you can pre-mark before you submit. It's well worth a read.

Good luck in any case.

Book Reports / Topic Choice: "Death of a Salesman" essay [3]

Hi there. You do have serious grammatical issues here. It seems that your tenses are jumbled and flit between past, present and future, often in the same sentance so read through it again with this in mind. Further, your structure is weak; it reads like a ramble rather than a journey from one point to another. Consider making your thesis much clearer and then structuring your essay around this thesis.

If you really are stuck (and you sound like you are), I would recommend investing $3 on Amazon and download:
Horton-Eddison "Study Skills, Essay Writing for University: The Essential Guide for Writing First Class Essays in Under 24Hours" to your PC, iPhone or Kindle.

It really does exactly what it says on the tin.
I would also say that you are using words like 'one' as you perhaps think that this helps your essay sound more 'formal' or 'academic', sadly it reads clumsily and you should look into appropriate style more thoroughly. Again, grab the book above for in-depth notes on this, but generally you need to adopt the style that prominent writers in your discipline most commonly use. 'One' is for personal letters, formal conversations and not for academic writing.

Best of luck!

Research Papers / Pro/con and proposal essay on Consumer credit -Revise [6]

Hi there. You need to focus your essay better. You'll need to provide a clearer thesis than you do (if you do, I honestly can't find it) and then drive your essay towards this thesis as a structure. Further, I can't really see much in the way of academic references and citations, and what I can see appear to be incorrectly cited. I'm pretty sure you're in the US where standards are lower than in the UK, but non the less. correct citation using either the Harvard or Chicago system should be your goal. If you are really struggling with structure and flow, as well as needing tips on referencing styles and so on, I would highly recommend finding the following eBook on Amazon and downloading it for a step by step guide:

Horton-Eddison "Study Skills, Essay Writing for University: The Essential Guide for Writing First Class Essays in Under 24Hours" to your PC, iPhone or Kindle.

It really does exactly what it says on the tin.
Good luck in any case.

Essays / Need to start an essay about urban agriculture.. [3]

Hi there. I would avoid Wikipedia like the plague if you are in the UK, the majority of UK Universities will fail you merely at the sight of you having used it. If you need good internet based sources, try using JStor and Google Scholar. Many of the articles and journals on there are bang up-to-date and often cite everything you need.

TIP: You may have to use these sources while using the university's internet as this will grant you free access.
If you really are stuck (and you sound like you are), I would recommend investing £1.99 and download:
Horton-Eddison "Study Skills, Essay Writing for University: The Essential Guide for Writing First Class Essays in Under 24Hours" to your PC, iPhone or Kindle.

It really does exactly what it says on the tin.
Good luck in any case.