pguz
Nov 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I call her Wonder woman' - someone who has made an impact on your life [4]
I love the first two sentences. I think it perfectly opens up an essay that gives you an oppurtunity to fully describe your grandmother's impact on your life in a truly heartfelt and genuine way. I also like the subject matter because I believe it has the potential to pull on the heartstrings of the college admission officers. However, I think you could polish up the last paragraph, specifically the last sentence.
"The characteristics that my grandmother has are also mine because I want to continue to better others in different ways as well as fulfill my life with happiness no matter the situation."
My opinion counts for nothing, but I think that the final sentence of an admissions essay should be the strongest one on the paper. I think you could a better job finalizing your thoughts in a concise statement that will leave a great final impression on the respective college admission officer.
I also noticed that you wondering if you were focusing too much on your grandmother. In my opinion, you are on the right track in adressing the prompt. In my opinion, there is an equal balance of personal anecdotes and examples your grandmother's impact on your life.
Good Luck!
I love the first two sentences. I think it perfectly opens up an essay that gives you an oppurtunity to fully describe your grandmother's impact on your life in a truly heartfelt and genuine way. I also like the subject matter because I believe it has the potential to pull on the heartstrings of the college admission officers. However, I think you could polish up the last paragraph, specifically the last sentence.
"The characteristics that my grandmother has are also mine because I want to continue to better others in different ways as well as fulfill my life with happiness no matter the situation."
My opinion counts for nothing, but I think that the final sentence of an admissions essay should be the strongest one on the paper. I think you could a better job finalizing your thoughts in a concise statement that will leave a great final impression on the respective college admission officer.
I also noticed that you wondering if you were focusing too much on your grandmother. In my opinion, you are on the right track in adressing the prompt. In my opinion, there is an equal balance of personal anecdotes and examples your grandmother's impact on your life.
Good Luck!