Wonder woman is what I call her. Soul mate is what is she calls me. She taught me everything from my ABC's to the basics of "how to be a nice, young lady". As she grows older in age, she continues to lose so many people she's loved and still manages to continue to live with the changes. My grandmother would me give the world if she could. My grandmother, the only grandparent I have, is an incredible woman because everything she knows that will make me a better person she tries to embed in my lifestyle.
Most of my childhood was spent at her house. All of our free time was with each other together, by choice. On Sunday's we went to church and then to shop at the mall. She sometimes picked me up from school even though I lived three minutes walking distance away, just so we could talk and go on an adventure. But of course, with every adventure came a life lesson. This woman couldn't forget to teach me something timeless that would help me in life. All the years we shared that we were inseparable, made it even harder to leave her by herself in her house right after the death of her son, and move 1500 miles away.
Of course I called her every day, just so she could ask me in her low, raspy voice if I had "crossed my legs in my skirt at school" and remembered to "say please and thank you". At first, I hated my new school with all those new faces and not having my grandmother by my side to teach me how to handle certain situations. After school one day, I called her and told her that these boys were bothering me in the cafeteria at lunch and made me cry. She told me that "you can't let anybody or anything get in the way of your happiness in life". If anything, I became stronger in character because I had to learn to be an individual thinker and my simple manners have brought me a long way and helped me experience a lot of opportunities.
As a senior in high school on a tough day, I still call my grandmother for a life lesson because her wisdom will always overpower the youthful incentive I possess. One of the most difficult days recently, was when my mother picked my little brother and me up from school and, unfortunately, told us that my grandmother has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Her optimistic attitude and determination to continue living life with such a drastic change is a characteristic I hope to one day be able to obtain. Now, every day is a battle for her because fighting cancer at 78 years old along with asthma, diabetes, and a heart defibrillator is something only a wonder woman can do. I hope to one day, be like my grandmother and help better others as well as fulfill my life with happiness no matter the situation.
I TRIED TO BE A LITTLE HUMOROUS. PLEASE FIX ANY SYNTAX AND GRAMMAR ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREAT!! THANKS!!
Hello ^_^
I liked your essay although I thought it lacked a little bit of you. You wrote a lot about your grandmother and her attributes, but you kind of forgot to include how your actions have changed or how you as a whole have changed.
Also, you might want to include an example of a lesson she taught you while you were out on your adventure.
The third paragraph is great because it shows how you sort of changed and developed with the help of your grandmother, but I think you need to do this a little more in your second and fourth paragraph.
I think your description ("every day is a battle for her because fighting cancer at 78 years old along with asthma, diabetes, and a heart defibrillator is something only a wonder woman can do.") in the fourth paragraph should go in the first paragraph, to serve as a more concrete introduction. If you put her description at the end, it makes this essay more about her and less about you.
"All the years we shared that we were inseparable, made it even harder to leave her by herself in her house right after the death of her son, and move 1500 miles away." this sentence is a bit wordy, but it's good because it sets up your next paragraph.
"Of course I called her every day, just so I could talk to her. she would ask me in her low, raspy voice if I had "crossed my legs in my skirt at school" and remembered to "say please and thank you". This is just a suggestion of how you could rewrite this.
" On Sunday's Sundays" Small error here.
I hope that helped!
[Also, I hope you wouldn't mind helping me edit my essay. Thank you!]
Overall well written , but try to include more about how she influenced your personality
Few things related to grammer or syntax
first paragraph My grandmother would me give the world My grandmother would give me the world
second paragraph On Sunday's On sundays
second paragraph , helped me experience a lot of opportunities you cant experience an opportunity. This needs to be changed
fourth paragraph at 78 years old along with at the age of 78 years along with
I love the first two sentences. I think it perfectly opens up an essay that gives you an oppurtunity to fully describe your grandmother's impact on your life in a truly heartfelt and genuine way. I also like the subject matter because I believe it has the potential to pull on the heartstrings of the college admission officers. However, I think you could polish up the last paragraph, specifically the last sentence.
"The characteristics that my grandmother has are also mine because I want to continue to better others in different ways as well as fulfill my life with happiness no matter the situation."
My opinion counts for nothing, but I think that the final sentence of an admissions essay should be the strongest one on the paper. I think you could a better job finalizing your thoughts in a concise statement that will leave a great final impression on the respective college admission officer.
I also noticed that you wondering if you were focusing too much on your grandmother. In my opinion, you are on the right track in adressing the prompt. In my opinion, there is an equal balance of personal anecdotes and examples your grandmother's impact on your life.
Good Luck!
