Posts by nalatieer

nalatieer

Nov 25, 2012

Undergraduate / 'eyes, ears, mouth, and nose' - Diversity Common App essay [7]

Hello! I think you have done a good job! This is a unique experience that will set you apart.
But the MSU prompt says what you would contribute to the MSU community and how this will add to the overall richness of campus life.

I think you should elaborate more on this. How can your bilingual ability contribute to MSU?

nalatieer

Nov 25, 2012

Undergraduate / Snowboarding and Photography: UC Prompts #1 & #2 [2]

Hey adam! Your essays are great!
I like the way you discribe your love for snowboard, very humorous:-)
But I think you should elaborate a little bit on how you "dug myself out, picked myself up"...I think that at first you were scared to death but the next moment your were sound and happy just because you think "failure leads to success" is a little bit wired. That wisdom can give you motivation but can't make the situation easier, right?

As for the photography one, I don't like the ending... Maybe you can think of a better idea rather than the next-is-the-best clichĂŠ?
What do you think?
Can you look at my essay? THANKS!

nalatieer

Nov 25, 2012

Undergraduate / 'journalism and media' - USC Supplement for Academic Interests in Journalism [6]

Hello Emily! Good work, it's clear that you really want to get in and you have a plan, but I think your essay lacks emotion...You didn't explain why you like journalism, except for facts and facts. Does it have a word limit? I think you can elaborate more on how your love for journalism sprouted during grade school and why you think journalism is special for you...What do you think?

Can you help me with my essay? Thanks :)

nalatieer

Nov 25, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Reading masterpieces' - umich supplement essey communities [2]

Hello! I'm new here~
Please help me with this essay below, I'm not sure whether I answer the prompt, and since I'm not a native speaker, I will need help with grammar and misspelling too:

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

I am the hacker whose life is extended to the cyberspace and discovered a world far more colorful than normal; I am the casual observer gazing into the starry sky who believes that humanity is not alone in the universe. My identification is changing as I flipping through the pages.

In Ender's Game, the alien Bugger forgives humanity for nearly driving her colony to distinction; Savage from Brave New World asks us what the limitations of civilization are; while in Fahrenheit 451, a world where books are banned and burnt, Montag bursts into tears for the beauty of a poem. I was constructing brand new worlds one after another inside my head when I read through the lines.

Proudly, I am the unusual girl who can be defined as a science fiction geek. Reading these masterpieces are important moments in my life, they give me the courage and imagination I need to think critically on a grander scale. This is a realm without the restriction of individual and country differences. Combining imagination with sound scientific and technical details, science fiction helps me fall in love with the enormity of space, the intricate microscopic world and let me contemplate the future of mankind. I have no fear for the future-utopian future gives me hope while apocalyptic scenes let me ponder on the problems in the real world. When I participate in forum discussion and gain new insights, help translate great new novels into Chinese and share with others, I become calm and content.

It is not just power of words that make me calm. It is the power of the future.
Any help is appreciated!
It is urgent,Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!