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Posts by DonnaJm
Joined: Nov 25, 2012
Last Post: Nov 28, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
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From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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DonnaJm   
Nov 28, 2012
Undergraduate / 'A career politician' - College Application Essay- Topic A [3]

Great essay. I agree with the other post that you may want to put more emphasis on how your mother's life has impacted yours.

One spelling error "My mother is the strongest women woman I know.
DonnaJm   
Nov 27, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'People with great imagination' - analytical GRE essay [3]

I think you have presented a good analysis but make sure you are not overusing commas and are clear in you sentences. I made some suggestions for the following paragraph:

A person who has much imagination and spends his days developing his dreams, and building larger and more elaborate castles in the air comma is akin to the man with many wonderful suggestions not sure I understand what you mean by suggestions but never does anything to attain any concrete success. A person with experience is the one who has created ideas in his mind delete comma and takes the time, trouble, and effort to add life to them. He takes the risks to plant the seed of his imagination, nurtures it through time delete comma and effort, fights off problems that come along and sees it to fruition. Along the way, experience teaches us to reflect, organise organize? and plan. These skills pave the way for more success in the next endeavour.

Let's take the example of the the artist, who is a person with great imagination and whoa person looks with his mind's eye, so to speak. He is someone with immense and unbounded imagination. But as long as he does not act on it, we will not know his genius. What is worse, he will not sell any art, or earn a living.this doesn't seem to relate to anything Today, we marvel at the art of Picasso and Van Gogh because they did not just imagine, they acted on their creative ideas. they went through the processes of art, and continued to create even more complex masterpieces on canvasses and paper as time went on.
DonnaJm   
Nov 27, 2012
Graduate / 'happy 2-yr-old diagnosed with autism' - Statement for Masters of Social Work program [4]

Thank you for the feedback! I have been working on it and added the information you suggested even before I saw your post. Great minds think alike. Here is the new paragraph about how I will manage the program:

I plan on working my first year of studies and then concentrate primarily on fieldwork and studies the remaining two years. I have taken graduate level courses in the last 3 years while working full time and know it is hard work. A valuable lesson I have learned as I have navigated life is to not be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help. My children are on their way to independence; my older son is a freshman in college and my son with Asperger's is in high school and doing extremely well. Even though I am a single parent, I feel this is the right time for me to pursue a new direction that will present a wider range of opportunities for employment. I am a believer in life-time learning and find academic communities stimulating. The cohort model at the Chelmsford campus is a great fit for me, I enjoy experiential learning in small groups.
DonnaJm   
Nov 25, 2012
Graduate / 'happy 2-yr-old diagnosed with autism' - Statement for Masters of Social Work program [4]

This is my a partially complete essay for application to the School of Social Work.
The prompts that They ask you to "touch on" are:
-Discuss why you believe the XXX School of Social Work is best suited to meet your graduate education needs.
-How do you believe you will manage the rigorous demands of coursework and field education during graduate study?
-If you have low or inconsistent grades in undergraduate (or graduate) study or have attended multiple schools to earn a degree, please discuss any issues you may have faced to help us better understand your academic background.

-Identify your strengths and areas in need of improvement that are relevant to the profession of Social Work.
-What inspires you to pursue this profession?

Would LOVE feedback!

Willie was a chubby, happy 2-yr-old diagnosed with autism. He lived with his parents and 3 siblings in a dilapidated apartment building in a neighborhood frequented by drug dealers. Willie's family struggled to make ends meet with public assistance. In addition to Willie's developmental delays, his parents had cognitive challenges, a brother had severe autism, another significant speech delays. I provided Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) and play therapy to teach Willie some basic skills. As an ABA therapist in early intervention I visited Willie daily. Over the course of a few months, I witnessed situations that I had never seen before. I saw Willie eat french fries off a dirty floor, hide in the oven, climb up the pantry shelves and play in the cat's litter box. On one occasion, I picked him up to give him a hug and he had a battery in his mouth. Although I kept him safe when I was with him, many of these dangerous occurrences happened as I arrived or was speaking with his mom at the end of the session.

As a mandated reporter, I followed my employer's policies and reported any signs of abuse or neglect to my supervisor. In Willie's case, I was told that the family had been offered help in the past but refused it for fear of their children being "taken away." The agency assured me that if I filed a 51a the family would stop all services in the home and my time with Willie would end.

I have worked with many children and families, but Willie and his family has remained in my heart. I was deeply affected by the fact that I did not have the knowledge or credentials to be able to help them.

Since 2009, I have been employed as a Student Support Instructor for the XXX Public Schools. I work in a sub-separate classroom with preschoolers diagnosed on the autism spectrum. The students are multi-cultural and many families use their native language in their homes. The special education system is complicated, and families cultural differences and the fact that English is not their first language can prove to be enormously challenging.

In my position in XXX I am not privy to any interaction with parents other than a home note describing their child's day. Again, I do not have the credentials to be able to offer any information or advice to families.

Although my career has been incredibly challenging and rewarding, I find myself wanting to make a difference in the social welfare of families with children with special needs. I want to be able to offer guidance, compassion, and assist families to access any support systems that are available to them. I would like to learn how to advocate for families whose cultural background or economic status may prevent them from being able to understand what is in the best interest for their child. I believe that educating myself and becoming a licensed social worker will offer the opportunity to obtain the skills and tools to help families in a more holistic model. (Need to add why University aligns with my interests in urban social work)

In 2003 I returned to school at YYY University to complete my bachelor's degree. My parents struggled financially with a family business that was frequently on the brink of failure. Although I was able to complete 2 years of college, I could not afford to continue and began working full time.

I continued to take classes in fine arts during my adult years. I freelanced as a graphic designer and worked from my home to be able to care for my children when they were young.

My younger son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when he was 4 years old. This required me to educate myself about autism to support him at home and school. The prospect of changing careers to special education was spurred by this experience. Having experienced a painful and frustrating road to my son's diagnosis (in 2002), I chose to write my baccalaureate thesis on families' experiences with this issue. Entitled "The Unforeseen Journey: Parent's Experiences With the Diagnosis of PDD-NOS or Asperger's Syndrome" my thesis was an invaluable learning experience. I wanted to determine whether the developmental milestones and age at diagnosis were different in each spectrum disorder and if this affected parent's feelings for their child. I designed a questionnaire and distributed it at XXX Early Intervention and the XXX Public Schools Integrated Preschool. I received over 50 responses. Although the questionaire did not require identifying information, many families were happy to be interviewed by phone or in their homes. Although it was satisifying that the data supported my thesis (there was a significant difference), it was the connections with the families and their willingness to share intimate details that was most rewarding.

In addition, I have experience in the adoption triad as my boys were adopted as infants. I also have an understanding of alcoholism and addictions and 12-step programs. Although my personal and professional experiences are strengths that will enable me to be successful as a social worker, I have much to learn. Counseling families, navigating the service programs and gaining more knowledge of multi-cultural issues are skills that I am looking forward to learning.

I plan on working my first year of studies and then concentrate primarily on fieldwork and studies the remaining two years. I have taken graduate level courses in the last 3 years while working full time and know it is hard work. A valuable lesson I have learned as I have navigated life is to not be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help. I have a strong support system.

Need conclusion
DonnaJm   
Nov 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Afghanistan used to be fun and carefree' - UC Personal Statement #1 [2]

I think this is very compelling and well-written.

The only suggestion I would make is to put in more about your goal of becoming a doctor which is your goal. The question states to "tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

Good luck!
DonnaJm   
Nov 25, 2012
Graduate / 'executive dysfunction' - SPEECH LANGUAGE PATHOLOGY letter of intent [3]

I work in special ed, so here is my opinion!

The first sentence is needs a little more punch. Maybe just delete it and go right into the story of your brother?

Change this paragraph :

... entered kindergarten difficult to understand which affected his learning and social skills.problems
... the correct term is Executive Dysfunction Disorder. (It is an identified learning disability under IDEA)

Third paragraph is great!

The use of the word "brother" is too frequent.

I agree with the previous post to cut back on the traveling parts. Talking about throwing up on a train is not appropriate for an application.

Good luck! I work with speech therapists and they do wonderful work.
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