Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by baileynmerrill
Joined: Nov 27, 2012
Last Post: Jun 30, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
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From: United States of America

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baileynmerrill   
Jun 30, 2014
Undergraduate / "Cheater" - Ethical Dilemma (Caltech Writing Supplement) [3]

"I felt the sympathy rushing inside ofthrough me as it was passingI passed through the ethical barrier of honesty. Sitting next to Sarah, I heard her sobbing in her darkened face.Those times... those efforts... yet... she might fail the class. I clenched my fist and looked down to my effortlessly completed answer sheet of the chemistry final;, "Sarah, here..." I whispered to her as I slid it rightward and showed her the answers. Under those red eyes, Sarah gave me a smile and corruptly said "Thank you [my name] but, I'd rather fail myself than pass cheating.""

"Those times... those efforts... yet... she might fail the class." times should not be plural

I like the writing and the story!
baileynmerrill   
Jun 30, 2014
Undergraduate / Stanford Supplemental Essay #1: Towards a brilliant future [8]

" their laptop, but then again, nothing is impossible." change the wording, how about "their laptop, but as Ebeling said, nothing is impossible." something like that. relate this back to the idea that nothing is impossible is the motto of the convention and the point of your essay.

" I suddenly felt a sense of belonging." what about, "In this moment I felt a sense of belonging" or "This is when I realized this is where I belonged." show that you do belong, not that you think or feel you do.

"Everyone here had a thirst for knowledge, and the determination to quench it." either hook this on to your last sentence or change it to something like "Like me, Everyone here had a thirst for knowledge, and the determination to quench it." show that this is what makes you belong

"one brief week, we " remove comma

"we were one entity, moving singularly towards a better future and transcending cultural and language divides." I am in LOVE with this line!!! keep it! it is beautifully worded and really speaks volumes

"d proclaim, "What's next?" " add a period after the quote.

I really love everything about this essay! You are a talented writer and I think this essay shows a lot of great qualities about you. I love the last line! My boyfriend goes to stanford and absolutely loves it, I wish you the best! Please look at my writing when you have a chance.
baileynmerrill   
Oct 3, 2013
Undergraduate / I thought I was tough; " What Tough is " - TULANE PERSONAL STATEMENT [2]

The idea behind this essay is phenomenal and really touching. I don't think you should change the ending at all, but maybe add a little in between the court's decision and the lesson learned that shows how you felt about the decision and how you applied this lesson to your own life. Also, the sentences at the beginning are a little choppy. Other than that this is a great essay! Best of luck! Check out my threads if you get the chance.
baileynmerrill   
Nov 29, 2012
Undergraduate / ADMISSIONS ESSAY - "Maybe I am not good enough for this" [3]

Maybe instead of "I had always had a bad habit of doubting my abilities, though I was not sure where it came from. I had not always been that way." try something like "Though it had not always been this way, I struggled with the habit of doubting my abilities, a problem I did not know the origin of." or something along those lines. Word choice just seems a little awkward, and the sentence fluency is not as good as it could be. you should not say you always had the bad habit, if you later say, it had not always been this way. This is contradicting yourself. "the wavering thoughts in my head. "Should I stay or should I go?" " should be "the wavering thoughts in my head, "Should I stay or should I go?"." Instead of "and thus began the period of preparation for the performance" I would say and thus began my preparation, or the preparation. Other than this, it is a great essay with a great story! Best of luck!
baileynmerrill   
Nov 29, 2012
Essays / A Tale of Two Cities: Carton's Sacrifice [2]

Sydney Carton's Redemption
In Charles Dickens's novel, A Tale of Two Cities, main character Sydney Carton is characterized as a worthless drunken lawyer with loads of self-pity. As the plot progresses, Carton interacts with capital character Lucie Manette and the reader learns the many emotions Carton is actually feeling, and his concealed caring and loving tendencies. When Lucie's husband Charles Darnay is condemned for the crimes committed by his father and uncle against Madame Defarge's family and sentenced to death by the guillotine, Darnay realizes he must do everything in his power to preserve Lucie's family and happiness. In a quickly devised plan, Carton purchases poison, visits Darnay, renders him unconscious, quickly switches clothes with him, and has Darnay carried to his family awaiting him in a carriage outside, whilst Carton prepares for his fate with the guillotine. This exchange is allowed by the fact that Darnay and Carton have an uncanny resemblance, pointed out in Darnay's first trial. The question the reader must decide is was this sacrificial act a good thing for Carton to do, and did this one act redeem his wasted life? Through Carton's famous last words and act of ultimate sacrifice, Dickens shows that death is the only possible way for Carton to redeem his wasted life and assure Lucie's future happiness.

Carton's sacrificial decision was for the better because Dickens conveyed many times throughout the novel that even if Darnay was executed or Lucie came to love Carton, his life and character would never improve. While the reader is exposed to Carton's more sensitive, vulnerable side, it is still apparent that he is a drunk and full of self-pity and low confidence. Although during the time Carton spent in Lucie's life getting close with her and her family he did stop drinking, it is made apparent several times throughout the novel that Carton would not become a better man with or without Lucie's love. One point in the novel where Dickens first introduces Carton as a low life drunk is in Book 2 Chapter 4 Congratulatory, when he and Darnay are out for drinks together and Carton explains "I am a disappointed drugde, sir. I care for no man on earth, and no man on earth cares for me" (Dickens 102). Through this quote from Sydney Carton and his later attitudinal actions around Lucie Manette, the reader begins to conceptualize the fact that Carton's problems reside within himself, and therefore must be solved by himself, not by another person. Through Carton admitting that he cares for no one and no one cares for him, the reader sees that he struggles with man versus self conflict, and that even if he were to be with Lucie, she could not solve his deep rooted issues, he must come to face his demons himself. After seeing Lucie's resurrection of her father, Dr.Manette, whom she "recalled to life" after his 18 year imprisonment in the Bastille, it is expected that Carton would long after such an individual in hopes that she could save him too. It is this that leads the reader to believe that Carton does not truly love Lucie, he loves the idea of Lucie. Carton longs for someone like Lucie in his life, sweet, caring, "golden", to resurrect him and save him from himself. This parallels the paradox at the beginning of the novel, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" (Dickens 4), where Lucie and Carton's similarities bring them together to become friends, but as they discover their few similarities, their differences are accentuated. It is arguable that Carton is not only a foil of Charles Darnay, but also Lucie Manette. Carton observes Lucie as the opposite of him and is attracted to the idea of becoming like her, or loving her in hopes that her love with fix him. This idea of someone else "fixing" Carton was further supported after Carton "resurrected" Darnay in his first trial. When he observed this second "resurrection" it was once again shown to him that others can solve one's problems. As the themes of resurrection and redemption are many times shown throughout the novel, such as Jerry Cruncher the "resurrection-man, it becomes obvious to the reader that in order to redeem his wasted life, Carton must be resurrected. Carton did not truly love Lucie; he felt he needed her to redeem himself, though the only way to redeem his life was through resurrection. Because of this, his life would never have gotten any better, so the sacrifice Carton made was essential for his resurrection into something better.

Carton's decision to make an ultimate sacrifice was for the better because Lucie living happily with her husband and children is a far better thing than ever would have happened if Darnay had been executed. If Carton had allowed Darnay to be killed, nothing good would have come from the situation; but by Carton sacrificing his own life, he allowed Darnay to live on with his family, a "far, far better thing" (Dickens 462) than Carton could have ever done while living. Once again, it is shown that only through resurrection is Carton's flawed character and wasted life redeemed. While Carton did not love Lucie in a romantic sense and lusted after her character and healing manner, he did develop an intimate friendship with her, and did care about her wellbeing and happiness. An ultimate sacrifice is foreshadowed when Carton tells Lucie "For you, and any dear to you, I would do anything...I would embrace any sacrifice for you and for those dear to you" (Dickens 188) and the reader can surmise that Carton will at some point compromise his life for Lucie's family and their happiness. By Lucie's family being able to stay together, the legacy Carton leaves behind far surpasses anything he could have done without being "resurrected". Carton even admits this in his final words "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known" (Dickens 462). Carton's sacrifice was essential to Lucie's family and their happiness, and therefore is far better than any alternative situation that could have happened without his "resurrection".

In the end, Carton's decision was best for everyone involved. It helped him to end the horrid life he didn't want to continue, redeemed his wasted life and "resurrected" him into something better, and saved Charles Darnay's life and allowed him to live happily with his family. Because Darnay is a drunk and has many issues with himself, no one, not even Lucie Manette, could resurrect him into a better person. And similar to the paradox at the beginning of the novel, Darnay is attracted to Lucie because she is his opposite, and he therefore does not love her, he only lusts after her "healing powers". Carton's decision to sacrifice his life preserved the happiness of Lucie and her family, and kept his promise of doing anything for her or those dear to her. Because of these reasons, Carton's act was for the better, and redeemed his broken life.
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