everalf1995
Nov 30, 2012
Undergraduate / UC Personal Statement 2 - Overcoming Depression - 'It was the last week of school' [8]
try to add something about your weight and/or body at the beginning or in the middle so this sentence doesn't look like it came out of nowhere.
while reading it i noticed you jumped from one topic to another, try to add transitions and show how one thing lead to another. mother got cancer > depression > lost weight? > psychologist > you overcoming the problem. make it all come together at the end. check my essay it might not have good punctuation or grammar but you'll see what i mean
good luck :)
I was unhappy with my body, so I decided to eat more, eat healthier, and workout frequently and I have stayed consistent because the pride that I get from not feeling scrawny anymore drives me to keep going
try to add something about your weight and/or body at the beginning or in the middle so this sentence doesn't look like it came out of nowhere.
while reading it i noticed you jumped from one topic to another, try to add transitions and show how one thing lead to another. mother got cancer > depression > lost weight? > psychologist > you overcoming the problem. make it all come together at the end. check my essay it might not have good punctuation or grammar but you'll see what i mean
good luck :)
