Grammar, Usage / Droping out of highschool [PERSUASIVE ESAAY] [3]

HI, I kinda wrote a persuasive essay about teenagers who drop schools and begin their adult life by going live by their own. I think I do have some grammar problem. If you guys could fix it, Ill be appreciate it :)

In the persuasive essay "What Does Responsibility Look Like," Louise Bohmer Turnbull reveals the" hard reality" of students dropping out of school and going living on their own. Teens have responsibility to attend schools, study and get a college degree. However, some teens believe that they should dropout school and go begin their adult life. My advice to teenagers who feel ready to be on their own has not changed. Teens have responsibility to attend schools, study and get a college degree for getting a high income job. But some teens believe that they should begin their adult life and to not attend school. Though, don't they think how are they going to support themselves, financially? I believe teens should avoid dropping out schools and continue their studies. They must, continue their schools, then later go to college and get a college degree then to get a good high salary job so that they can support themselves, such as paying bills, paying rent or cars, or even when later the time they get married and have children. The author, Louise Bohmer Turnbull argued that" high-paying positions require college degrees. Other employers want a high school graduate or GED equivalent." Nevertheless, teenagers need to continue their education and get their degrees in order to get a good high salary job. Thus, teens should avoid dropping out schools and continue their school education due to get a good high income salary job so that they can support themselves or their family when they get married.

Writing Feedback / Using cell phone while driving should be banned [6]

Cell Phone While Driving

In today's world, cell phone made peoples life easier as we can do many things with it such as text messaging, receiving phone calls, or surfing websites to get in touch with people. Almost everyone has appeared to carry one of these devices. But with technology growing rapidly cell phone isn't becoming only useful but becoming more dangerous and putting people's life at risk. And one of the most dangerous sides of the cell phone is using it while driving. The research is beginning to show that driving while simply talking on a cell phone had caused a lot of accident in the following year. Though, according to this research don't you think that using cell phone while driving should be banned?

Using cell phone while driving slows the reaction time. A study at the University of Utah that was published in the journal "Psychological Science" stated that "people who had conversations on any type of cell phone were twice as likely to hit the person in front of them, braked slowly and accelerated slower after braking." Which, cell phone is the significant distraction that causes accidents.

In the same way, driving should be prohibited due to the fact that it can be life threatening for many drivers and put other people's life in danger. According to the statistics, it has proven that "In 2011, 31.2 people are killed every day, and 11,388 are killed every year by the drivers who used cell phones while driving, in the U.S." This represents that using cell phone while driving is a risky business which will cause not just killing themselves but killing other people.

Furthermore, In 2010 Cell phone was the major distraction to drivers. Drivers who used cell phone for example texting they've been most likely looking over the phone than the road and can take away a life in a blank of eye. The National Traffic Safety Institute stated in its report that, "In 2009, 5,474 people were killed in the U.S. because of texting and not looking over the road that distracted driving and another 448,000 were injured." As a result it will cause a serious accident in the time being.

I know that cell phones are dangerous to use while driving but people are already aware of it how dangerous it is. But, according to researches and statistics lots of people have died due to using cell phone while driving and seeing that no one has obeyed the law.

So if you want everyone to be safe and to enjoy their life with less death, write a letter and sign it and send it to state to ban using cell phones while driving at all times.

PLEASE CAN YOU CHECK IF I HAVE ANY GRAMMAR PROBLEM! THANKS :)

Writing Feedback / Using mobile phone while driving should be banned [6]

Hello,

Ive had a essay to write or basically persuasive essay to write about using cell phone while driving. And though I wrote that and I just want to see if my essay is correct in the terms of grammar. And basically my point is to ban and illegalize using cell phones while driving.

ORIGINAL DOCUMENT ESSAY :

Link: herosh.com/download/11039016/Serich.Essay.cell.phone.using.while.drivi ng.docx.html

Here's essay:

Mobile Phone use while driving is common, but widely considered dangerous. Due to the number of accidents that are related to cell phone use while driving, some jurisdictions have made the use of a cell phone while driving illegal. I think use of cell phone while driving should be banned at any time, at any age or any circumstances.

Cell phones are also a major distraction to the driver, because it occupies one's eyes and attention which should be appointed on the road and though this causes an accident. Statistics showed that in 2009, 5,474 people were killed in the U.S. because of accidents that involved, distracted driving and another 448,000 were injured. Cell phones cause distraction and horrible accidents which even led to death.

In addition, phone use has been linked to slower reaction times. A study at the University of Utah that was published in the journal "Psychological Science" found that people who had conversations on any type of cell phone were twice as likely to hit the person in front of them, braked more slowly and accelerated more slowly after braking.

More importantly, it will put other people's life in danger .The using cell-phone while driving; grabs driver's attention then can easily lead to an accident and killing a person. Research has proven that in 2011, 28% of accidents-1.6 million crashes each year-on U.S. roadways involve texting and not paying attention to his/her driving. It is a great importance to understand that using cell-phones while driving can be a very risky business.

I know that we should not use our phone while driving but, when an emergency truly exist we should call 911 to report him or else an accident will occur. But this behavior is wrong because maybe they get into an accident. Thus, they should pull over and then make a call.

Cell phones are great devices that are useful is life but the using of cell phones while driving poses threats to the safety of drivers, their passengers and other road user. Over 50 countries have banned the use of cell phones while driving. Therefore to win the fight against the risk associated with cell phones while driving a combination of physician advocacy public education, medical community awareness, and change in legislations required to increase fines and penalties.