Undergraduate / Story from your life - University of Washington Essay; "myopic" [4]

Deadline is extended until Monday at 5:00 P.M

" My dad worked hard so that we could move to California and finally, during the summer, my dad had finalized the preparations of our move to California, his goal: to mend our family back together "

It think is that is too long. Can you try to make more sentence from this?

You know its 681 words ? You need to cut some out to make it 650.

I am too applying and working on my essay for uw too xD