Undergraduate / Singing; Common App/ Extracurricular Activity [2]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

I stood front and center on the stage, as the spotlight beamed on my face. Although, I was in a room filled of people, I cannot hear or see anyone.I raised my head, took a deep breath and said to the crowd "I am going to sing a song titled 'Red Bean.' It is the symbol of love in my country." Suddenly the tune of ba-la-ba played, and I began to sing my heart out. I closed my eyes to visualize the lyrics and pour my soul into the song. When the last note ended, I opened my eyes, noticed the reactions of the audience. Surprisingly, I saw happiness and enjoyment on their face. Despite the fact that the song was sung in a foreign language everyone seem to understand the underlying message of love. With the spotlight still glaring on my face, I proudly smiled at audience.

guys please give some advice, be brutal!

Undergraduate / Walking in the coldness of the winter/ Common App [11]

Hi guys, this is my first essay in common app, please read it and let me know how you feel about it, what can you see about me after reading it.

Before coming to Colorado as an exchange student, never had I thought walking would be a suffering. In the coldness of the winter, I walked from home to bus station at 6 a.m, helplessness accompanying me through a mile-long way. I felt cars passed me like the wind. "I'm a foreigner, and nobody would offer me a ride in this seemingly endless mountainous path.

As winter approaching, fickle weather, rugged path and randomly appeared wild animals reminded me how dangerous walking in the darkness would be; problem will never be solved if I just wait for an answer. Screwing up courage, one day, I stopped a car and asked the driver for a ride embarrassedly. Surprisingly, she invited me to the car so enthusiastically. Just by asking, the severe problem was solved easily. It was my passiveness that resulted in my wrong judgment on others' attitude to me. The active exchange proved to be important for my easy life. Now, I could actively to fit in a new situation and made improvement in life.

What I'm concerned as following:
1. I felt my essay described a lot of negative attitude and thoughts, would this be appropriate for application?

2. Personally I think my essay might be a bit too narrative but not vivid and alive. Will you feel the same way?

3. Most of all, what can you tell about me after reading my essay? What you discovered about me after reading it?

Thanks for helping! I really appreciate!