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Posts by lcgmt
Joined: Dec 23, 2012
Last Post: Dec 24, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: United States of America

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lcgmt   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / Opportunities/Mulan/Personal/Majored in unafraid/ Boaring Community; Barnard [5]

Really great job! I enjoyed reading your "women in history" response. Just a few suggestions I have:
TheAn ancient Chinese poem, The Ballad of Mulan was the inspiration for multiple stories, folklore and even a Disney movie. The story of Mulan is incredibly inspiring for young women everywhere however, I personally associated her story with mine being an only child of working class parents. Sitting down with this headstrong, selfless woman would be an absolute honor for me. I would ask her about her struggles in the army, and how she overcame any insecurities she faced being a woman in a man's world. I would just feel like listening to everything she said, because I'm sure she would have a lot to say and before going to the army I'm sure not many people listened to her. I would tell her how while the role of women has changed, certain societal expectations for women have not changed .

Or
I would tell her how the role of women has changed, but certain societal expectations have not.

Best of luck! I'm applying to Barnard too so hopefully we'll be part of the class of 2017 together!
lcgmt   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / That night changed my perspective on myself; Common App/ Significant experience [3]

Hi please provide feedback and constructive criticism on my common application essay "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." It is still in need of editing but I'd just like to get some opinions on it. Real first names have been censored from this post!

It was nearly the end of May. Entering the dim room, I was taken aback by the photos that hung on the wall. Smiles and laughter were captured in those images, serving as reminders of the girl that I had known at the start of the school year. Looking over to the somber, sunken-in face that sat before me I wasn't even thinking of whether or not my actions would be successful; I just knew that it was what I needed to do.

Though we lived in the same house and danced in the same class, M and I were not close friends. We did not often do things together outside of class, but it was impossible for me to not be concerned as every bone in her body was made visible under her increasingly transparent skin and her lively nature gave way to constant fatigue. The environment in which we lived in was one that naturally fostered self-criticism, so it was easy for many, including teachers, to disregard the significance of the situation. Unlike my peers however, I could not stand by and watch such self-destruction take place.

Unsure of how exactly I would be able to help; we talked. As M gradually began to open up to me about the fog of confusion within her own mind, I began to discover that I possessed insight that could help cut through it. Forty-five minutes later I got up to leave after what felt like hours, feeling as though while my words were appreciated, I hadn't truly been able to make a difference. Later that night though, M's roommate approached me. "L, I don't know what you told her," she said, "but I think you just made the breakthrough." Starting the very next day, I watched as M gradually attempted to rebuild herself back to the happy, strong girl in the photos. Through the process of helping M realize the value of herself, I became aware of the strength of my own attributes.

That night changed my perspective on myself. Caught by the notion that I was under qualified, I previously hadn't understood myself as someone who carried the potential to bring about change. Compared to issues that I believed to be far greater than me, I saw myself as a mere teenage girl who was too small to make a difference. This was the first time I realized that through seeming small gestures I can have an impact on others' lives, who in turn will affect even more people. It has made me committed to not allowing apprehension about the outcome stop me from acting on something I believe in. There is no cause that is too big to act upon, because we all possess the ability to be a catalyst and initiate change.
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