macklemorebro
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Ideas worth spreading"/ Columbia/ "Meaningful" [5]
what can i remove from my current paragraph?
what can i remove from my current paragraph?
macklemorebro
Dec 27, 2012
Graduate / India opened to foriegn investors; SOP/International marketing & Brand Management [4]
I really liked your essay.
try the word "intrigued?"
"social" instead of society guided
is probably not the right word to use. Maybe "void."
I feel like you should add "together" at the end. It's up to you.
Take out the "A" in the beginning. Or if you want to refer to a specific project, say "A study."
Remove the A
Hmm, there is slight bragging here. Not sure if it crosses the line, though.
I liked how you weaved your father into the essay! Very cohesive throughout. There is a lot of information to grasp, and I have no idea how long this essay is supposed to be, but maybe slimming it down a bit might make it more attractive? It depends on the word limit.
And by the way, one of the reasons that no one has commented yet is probably because it takes a certain expertise to judge your essay. There are a lot of marketing terms here that most people on this site are unfamiliar with, and people don't feel comfortable giving feedback if they don't think they should be giving any in the first place.
Good luck!
I really liked your essay.
appealed to
try the word "intrigued?"
society guided perspective of sustaining
"social" instead of society guided
loophole
is probably not the right word to use. Maybe "void."
world that links them
I feel like you should add "together" at the end. It's up to you.
A research about the brand history
Take out the "A" in the beginning. Or if you want to refer to a specific project, say "A study."
I learnt that a there
Remove the A
A college professor, seeing my portfolio, once told me that being good at too many things can be a negative and make it difficult to choose one.
Hmm, there is slight bragging here. Not sure if it crosses the line, though.
I liked how you weaved your father into the essay! Very cohesive throughout. There is a lot of information to grasp, and I have no idea how long this essay is supposed to be, but maybe slimming it down a bit might make it more attractive? It depends on the word limit.
And by the way, one of the reasons that no one has commented yet is probably because it takes a certain expertise to judge your essay. There are a lot of marketing terms here that most people on this site are unfamiliar with, and people don't feel comfortable giving feedback if they don't think they should be giving any in the first place.
Good luck!
macklemorebro
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Ideas worth spreading"/ Columbia/ "Meaningful" [5]
Is this boring? How can I improve it?
Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events (1500 characters).
Can you imagine a conference of the greatest minds of the world? The speakers that TED attracts are akin to the scientists at the Fifth Solvay Conference, which revolutionized particle and theoretical physics. These conferences draw experts and speakers from a myriad of fields to talk for a maximum of 20 minutes about topics ranging from motivation to cancer. And put simply, they are amazing. Justin Hall-Tipping, the CEO of an energy-affiliated startup called NanoHoldings and the spotlight of my first TED talk, stated, "The power plant of tomorrow is no power plant. The grid of tomorrow is no grid." He was referring to the newfound ability of embedded nanomaterials in windows to efficiently siphon radiated energy from the sun and convert it to electricity. This is technology that has been developed less than a year ago, and is being presented in an unesoteric manner for the public to learn about. I personally identify with their mission to stimulate communities; I have always been interested in bringing knowledge to the public. But what separates TED events from any other lecture is the charisma of the speakers, who are able to so effectively communicate their message that they can woo viewers from all backgrounds. I glean from TED talks sophisticated content presented in a fresh and compelling manner. It is no wonder they pride themselves on "ideas worth spreading."
Is this boring? How can I improve it?
Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events (1500 characters).
Can you imagine a conference of the greatest minds of the world? The speakers that TED attracts are akin to the scientists at the Fifth Solvay Conference, which revolutionized particle and theoretical physics. These conferences draw experts and speakers from a myriad of fields to talk for a maximum of 20 minutes about topics ranging from motivation to cancer. And put simply, they are amazing. Justin Hall-Tipping, the CEO of an energy-affiliated startup called NanoHoldings and the spotlight of my first TED talk, stated, "The power plant of tomorrow is no power plant. The grid of tomorrow is no grid." He was referring to the newfound ability of embedded nanomaterials in windows to efficiently siphon radiated energy from the sun and convert it to electricity. This is technology that has been developed less than a year ago, and is being presented in an unesoteric manner for the public to learn about. I personally identify with their mission to stimulate communities; I have always been interested in bringing knowledge to the public. But what separates TED events from any other lecture is the charisma of the speakers, who are able to so effectively communicate their message that they can woo viewers from all backgrounds. I glean from TED talks sophisticated content presented in a fresh and compelling manner. It is no wonder they pride themselves on "ideas worth spreading."
