Scholarship / Overcoming Silence: How I dealt with the greatest challenge of my high school career [2]

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read my essay. This essay is for a scholarship that my school is offering that I kind of really need so please comment on how I can make this better. The deadline is Feb 28th, 2013. The prompt is sort of confusing to me so if you think that my essay isn't answering the question then please explain what you interpret the question to be asking.

Prompt: Submit an essay discussing the greatest challenge of your high school career. Examine your response to that challenge , the lessons you learned from it,and how you think it will affect your adulthood.

Silence. For the majority of my life up to my junior year, that word described me more perfectly than any other word in the English language. Why? Well it all began when I transferred to Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic School in the 3rd Grade. When I entered the schoolyard, not knowing a single person on the small campus, I told myself what my mother had kept telling me when she told that I was switching schools, "Don't be afraid, -----. Just think about all the new friends you'll make and all the great times you'll have here. I know that this place will be great for you." I had no idea how wrong she would be.

In the beginning, the majority of my new classmates were either kind and welcoming, or indifferent as is expected. However, there was one classmate that was neither, one classmate that didn't like me at all, one classmate that would do everything possible to hurt me in the worse way possible. At first, he was direct. He bullied me the same way most bullies do by pointing out my differences, calling me names, spreading rumors about me, etc. But then in the 6th grade, he offered me a deal. He claimed that he was tired fighting and wanted to be friends. Thanks to him, I never had a friend before so I agreed and I thought we had actually become good friends. That was until the end of 6th grade. On the very last day of 6th grade, during our final break before being excused to go home, he pulled me aside and told me that he never liked me and that he never really wanted to be my friend, he just wanted to see how dumb and desperate I was and then he simply walked away snickering with his friends. Apparently it was all a lie and from then on I lost all hope in people. He didn't simply hurt my feelings by making me feel worthless and stupid. No, he completely obliterated my self-esteem. I told myself that no one could really be trusted and that I had to rely on no one but myself and so I did for the last two years of Jr. High. I never spoke to anyone, I never asked others to play, and I never asked for their help. Even when I transferred to the Upland Unified School District to Upland High my freshman year, I retained the same protective behavior and avoided people. I never spoke up in class unless the teacher asked, I always ate lunch by myself, and I never reciprocated the friendliness other showed to me. But by the end of the year, I realized that maybe all those attempts weren't lies and maybe they weren't bad people. Who was I to judge them without getting to know them first? By my sophomore year, however, it was already too late. The damage was done.

I no longer knew how to interact with my peers and I was unimaginably shy to the point where it was literally painful for me to speak to or in front of any of my classmates. However, I was determined to change. I knew that I couldn't go on being so antisocial so I decided to go out more by getting involved with my school. I became an active volunteer in the California Scholarship Federation, participated in the California Math League competition, and joined my school's swim team. I was able to meet and work with other people and by the end of sophomore year I had made a few friends, by the end of my junior year I finally felt like I belonged. I learned that people could indeed be trusted, that all people are not inherently the same and most importantly I was able to "redevelop" the social skills I had lost so many years ago and I was able to become a normal person again, or at least weird in a way that was socially acceptable to those around me.

In summation, the greatest challenge of my high school career was overcoming my inability to trust other people, or rather my inability to become a part of a society or any group, if you will. However, in overcoming this challenge by letting go of the past and reconstructing my shattered self-esteem, I learned that no matter how hard I try, or how great I become, I can't succeed on my own, that I will always need to work with other people and that it's not a bad thing to ask others for help. In fact, I enjoy working in a more collaborative environment as opposed to an intensely competitive one. As for how I believe that this will affect my adulthood, the social skills I developed from overcoming this personal challenge will help me to succeed in my adult life by giving me the ability to break out of my "comfort zone" and explore all the possibilities the world has to offer. Thank you for taking the time to consider me for this scholarship.

That's my essay and thank you again for reading it. So please let me know what you think, I would really appreciate it. Thank you :D

Scholarship / Diverse Academic Intersts, Responsibility, my Culture; HMC President's Scholar-SOP [3]

So the only prompt they give is, "Submit a statement of purpose indicating why you are a deserving recipient of the award. (One page, single spaced)" That is literally all that it says on the application so I wasn't sure about where to go with this so all constructive criticism is not only helpful but also encouraged, Thank you!!!

Ever since I was a kid, I've had big dreams for myself. Being rich & successful, making my friends & family proud, really changing the world, stuff like that. And until recently, it's always been just that, a dream. But now I have the opportunity to use my diverse academic interests, my sense of leadership, and my culture's traditions & values to turn my dream into a reality. You say that this scholarship program is made for someone who is intellectually curious, exceptionally responsible, and that will help Harvey Mudd's diversity efforts, and I say that I might be the kind of person you're looking for.

First of all, my intellectual curiosity can be defined through my diverse academic interests. You see, my academic interests are diverse because I like to make connections between unrelated subjects and learn more about them. For example, in the 10th grade I did a report on the contributions of the French philosopher René Descartes to modern-day Calculus in my World History class; in the 11th grade I wrote an essay for the final in my AP Language and Composition class on the impact of Genetic Engineering on contemporary society. What I am trying to say is that my academic interests represent my intellectual curiosity by accentuating the areas I enjoy learning about, the areas that awaken my passion for learning. Furthermore, it is this passion for learning that has driven me to pursue a higher education, not because my family wants me to, not because my friends think I should, but because I want to go to college to continue doing what I love, to keep on learning.

Secondly, my sense of responsibility can be explained through the sense of leadership that I have developed through my experiences with the Boy Scouts of America. In fact, in the four years I have been involved I have managed to obtain the position of my troop's highest ranked scout and leader as a Life-ranked Scout and current Senior Patrol Leader, SPL for short. One of the main values that I have learned through my experiences as an SPL is the importance of having an exceptional sense of responsibility because of how much work it takes. For instance, over the summer was our annual, week-long, summer camp where it was my responsibility to go to daily meetings where we, the Senior Patrol Leaders of each troop, were informed of our troop's daily activities, where to report and the schedule for our troop for the day. On top of that I was expected to manage my troop's assigned campsite for the week, assign jobs to keep our camp neat for inspections, and to keep up with my own merit badge assignments. By the end of the week however, we had held two of the daily awards for having the cleanest campsite, had completed over 50 merit badges among 8 scouts, and had won the camp's "Reverse Archery" competition. That was my first outing as SPL and I felt quite proud of my troop for being the cooperative people they were and helping make it such a successful experience. Through this experience I was able to utilize my exceptional sense of responsibility with my leadership position to prove to my fellow scouts and to our adult leaders that I am capable of being a successful, trustworthy, and responsible leader.

Finally, my culture's traditions and values that have defined the type of person I am can be interpreted through my personal qualities. To describe myself in a sentence, I am a shy, friendly, nerdy, fun-loving, hard-working, bisexual, Salvadorian guy who enjoys talking to others and exploring the outdoors, but let's focus on the friendly, hard-working Salvadorian part for now. You see a big part of my family's Salvadorian culture is the belief that only through hard work can our true goals be realized. What this means is that my Salvadorian culture has shaped my work ethic through my desire to succeed. However, another major part of culture affects my philosophy on others and how they should be treated. You see my family believes strictly being friendly and inviting to everyone and at times this is where it takes a lot of self-control and devotion. For example, in the 6th grade my "bully turned best friend" confessed that he was never really my friend. I guess part of me just wanted to believe that things had changed and forget the past but when it all turned out to be a lie, you have no idea how idiotic and hateful I felt. But I still held on to my beliefs and dealt with it. He never changed, so why should I, I reasoned. And this led to a renewed conviction and how my personal qualities of hard-work and friendliness helped shape the person I am today.

Through this statement I have been trying to say that my qualifications for this scholarship are my the diversity of my academic interests, my experiences as a leader with the Boy Scouts of America, and my personal qualities defined by Salvadorian culture in order to convince you that I am deserving of this scholarship. Now, I would just like to conclude by thanking you so much for taking the time to consider me for this amazing opportunity.

Undergraduate / Project Lead the Way program; Harvey-Mudd / Own Background [3]

Okay so I feel like I my response isn't exactly what the question is asking but I feel like I kind of related it. And then I'd also like to shorten it but I'm not really sure. So if you can offer some advice, that would be excellent and thank you so much for taking the time to help me.

Prompt: "Scientific research is a human endeavor. The choices of topics that we research are based on our biases, our beliefs, and what we bring: our cultures and our families. The kinds of problems that people put their talents to solving depends on their values." - Dr. Clifton Poodry

How has your own background influenced the types of problems you want to solve?

My Response:

I discovered my interest in engineering when I was a freshman and enrolled in the program's Introduction to Engineering Design (IED) class. From there, my interest developed during my junior year when I learned about each of the distinct engineering disciplines in my PLTW: Principles of Engineering (POE) class. In fact, it was in that class that I learned about the core principle of engineering itself: The solution of real-life societal problems through the application of mathematical and scientific knowledge. This principle constantly rang in my head for the remainder of that school year and has impacted my life by serving as the foundation of my desire to obtain a career in engineering and formulating my background as an engineering student.

The summer before my freshman year, I chose my IED course as an elective because I thought it would be fun and easy. While it did turn out to be a very fun class, it was anything but easy. Take my first semester project for example. I was to create a cube out of 5 interlocking pieces constructed from wooden blocks, each with an approximate volume of 1 cubic inch, using the engineering design process we had been recently introduced to. Like most of my fellow classmates, I wasn't sure where to begin. Unlike most of my fellow classmates, I remembered that I had written down each of the steps of the design process in my notes from the week before. From there, I was able to get started, and after a week of struggling, I managed to finish. When I handed the completed packet to my teacher at the end of the period, he looked at me shocked and asked me to sit down while he looked it over. After observing his many, and I do mean many, facial expressions shift from a "questioning" glare, to an "interested gaze", to an "impressed" smirk and back, he motioned for me to come forward. He told me that he couldn't believe after struggling so much in the beginning that I was able to produce such a quality product. I then proceeded to blush because I had felt like I hadn't done much besides put time and effort into my work. That's even what I told him. And then he said, "That's what makes a real engineer. You see, being an engineer isn't just having the brains to solve a problem; it's having the conviction to put all of your effort into solving a problem and being proud of the work you do. I think you'll make a fine engineer one day." And that's how it all started; that's when I knew that I wanted to be an engineer.

Unfortunately, I then had to take a year off from engineering due to a scheduling conflict. Anticlimactic, I know, but the following year I was able to resume and take the second engineering course at my school, Principles of Engineering. This class was definitely more difficult compared to the first engineering class I took because it had a completely different focus. Where IED focused on the design process, hypothetical solutions, and success as an individual engineer; POE focused on teamwork, constructing real solutions to real problems, and some of the major concepts of the more well-known engineering disciplines (such as Electrical, Mechanical, Chemical, and Civil). This resulted in the assignment of many, many more projects, and, as a consequence, much more fun. Tragic, I know. Moving on, being one of the most type-A people in existence (according to my friends and family), I'm a total perfectionist and a little difficult to work with, or at least I was at first. You see, I have always been able to work with others if they were willing to put in their fair share of work. However, I had a very difficult time working with those who weren't as willing to cooperate. That's where our group projects came in. For example, during the second semester of POE I was in a group instructed to design and build a machine that could sort marbles of wood, glass, colored glass, steel, and aluminum from each other and put them in different bins. As a group, we were quickly able to figure out the goals of our project, we just needed to figure out how to fulfill our goals. We decided to split up the work, with me and my friend Sean dealing with actually designing and constructing our device, while the other two members of our group focused on programming the device to perform its function and formatting the write-up we needed for the project. While Sean and I wasted no time in getting to work on the "sorting machine", I couldn't help but notice that the other two were constantly goofing off and not remaining on task. Now if this occurred two years ago, I would've gone to our teacher and reported them, but this was after I had developed some team leadership skills through my BSA troop, so I was able to tell them all the things they needed to accomplish by the end of the week if they wanted to get a good grade on the project and miraculously, they listened to me and we ended up getting a good grade on the project. On the last day of school my junior year, I went to talk to my POE teacher and out of curiosity asked him why we had so many group projects when we could've probably done them on our own. He responded by telling me that a good engineer has to know how to communicate effectively and that means being able to work as a team because real-life problems are solved through group efforts.

Thus, my background as an engineering student in the Project Lead the Way program has influenced the types of problems I want to solve by showing me the importance of constantly working diligently and working with others.

Undergraduate / Warm and inviting community ; HMC Supp: Why Harvey-Mudd? [3]

Ok so I feel like I kind of answered the question but at the same time I'm not sure I did. So if someone could please help me that'd be great. Please keep in mind that I'm not the best writer and thank you so much for taking the time to help me.

Prompt: What influenced you to apply to Harvey Mudd College? What about the HMC curriculum and community appeals to you? (500 word limit)

Response:

If I were to be completely honest, then I would say that everything about Harvey-Mudd College appeals to me. However, the main thing that coerced me into applying to Harvey-Mudd was my visit to the campus when I attended the Fall FAST program. When I visited the campus, I was able to meet theof Harvey-Mudd students, and as my visit progressed, I learned about Harvey-Mudd's curriculum through the faculty and the two classes I sat in on. Overall, my two day experience with the community and the curriculum of Harvey-Mudd was beyond excellent because it appealed to my heart and especially to my mind.

What appealed to my heart the most during my visit to Harvey-Mudd were the people, and how they were all so kind and attentive throughout my stay. In particular, my host, Vincent Fiorentini, and his friends all welcomed me into their group and made the anxiety of entering a foreign environment a lot easier for me, and ended up making the experience of being a college student for a day that much more memorable, exciting, and authentic.

Furthermore, I also had the privilege of conversing with some of the faculty of Harvey-Mudd, which I found surprising because, at most of the colleges I had visited, faculty were almost impossible to reach in person. In fact, I felt that I knew some of the Harvey-Mudd faculty more than I knew my own guidance counselor. Anyways, the fact that Harvey-Mudd's students and faculty are some of the kindest people I have ever met and that I was able to get to know them so well over such a short period of time appealed to my heart by providing the promise of a friendly and accepting community.

What appealed to my mind the most during my visit to Harvey-Mudd was the curriculum's ability to supply me with a diverse and rigorous array of knowledge. One of the main problems I have been having with deciding on which colleges to apply to is the fact that the majority of these colleges require me to focus on math and science, and forget everything else. Now, I love math and science as much as the next HMC applicant, but I still enjoy learning about the social sciences and arts; this is why I really like the opportunity made possible by Harvey-Mudd's Core Curriculum. Furthermore, from sitting in on two of Harvey-Mudd's classes and talking to the students, I am aware of the challenges that await me at Harvey-Mudd and that just excites me even more. You see, the challenges of Harvey-Mudd's curriculum appeals to my mind because I have always craved academic challenge because that is how I know that I am learning something new.

To say that my visit to Harvey-Mudd College was excellent is truly an understatement. It was as unreal as the square root of negative one. I can only hope that I get the opportunity to go back as an admitted Harvey-Mudd student.