meteruya
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / College adviser, Dr.Powell/ S yracuse supp/ Who & what influenced? [15]
That would be fine by me
That would be fine by me
meteruya
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / College adviser, Dr.Powell/ S yracuse supp/ Who & what influenced? [15]
Ok! Just tell me which essay in particular you want me to look at.
at nayeloyjello: Utilizing questions in an essay, especially the rhetorical ones you have used, are very hit and miss when it comes to college applications. That is, some people will like it right off the bat when they read them and for others, it just won't work. As for me, I appreciate the use of a new technique. However, I think you might want to cut out a question so that it won't seem like you're bombarding the college applications reader. "Her advice made me see the bigger picture, How will I be able to adapt to new surroundings if I can't escape that comfort zone that I love so much? how will I be able to succeed if I can't make a life of my own? She made me realize that going away for college will open up my eyes to things that I never encountered before. "
If you want, you may also reword the questions into sentences. Example: If I am not able to escape from my comfort zone, I won't be able to adapt to new surroundings. Living in such a competitive world, it would be nearly impossible for me to succeed if I can't make a life of my own living independently.
These are just suggestions but feel free to use them as you wish!
Ok! Just tell me which essay in particular you want me to look at.
at nayeloyjello: Utilizing questions in an essay, especially the rhetorical ones you have used, are very hit and miss when it comes to college applications. That is, some people will like it right off the bat when they read them and for others, it just won't work. As for me, I appreciate the use of a new technique. However, I think you might want to cut out a question so that it won't seem like you're bombarding the college applications reader. "Her advice made me see the bigger picture, How will I be able to adapt to new surroundings if I can't escape that comfort zone that I love so much? how will I be able to succeed if I can't make a life of my own? She made me realize that going away for college will open up my eyes to things that I never encountered before. "
If you want, you may also reword the questions into sentences. Example: If I am not able to escape from my comfort zone, I won't be able to adapt to new surroundings. Living in such a competitive world, it would be nearly impossible for me to succeed if I can't make a life of my own living independently.
These are just suggestions but feel free to use them as you wish!
meteruya
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Sitting in Washington Square Park, surrounded by radiant students, I immediately felt at home [4]
I'm guessing that this is one of those essays with a very limited character/word count so you were trying to get as much information down as possible. My advice would be to hone in on specifics about the campus. I see this type of question as your chance to show off your knowledge of the school. If you give only vague, "it has the majors I want", the school won't be very impressed. Cite specific club names, internships, maybe even a student help committee. Highlight anything that you find interesting that will make the college take note that you do know your stuff about the campus and about the curriculum.
I'm guessing that this is one of those essays with a very limited character/word count so you were trying to get as much information down as possible. My advice would be to hone in on specifics about the campus. I see this type of question as your chance to show off your knowledge of the school. If you give only vague, "it has the majors I want", the school won't be very impressed. Cite specific club names, internships, maybe even a student help committee. Highlight anything that you find interesting that will make the college take note that you do know your stuff about the campus and about the curriculum.
meteruya
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / College adviser, Dr.Powell/ S yracuse supp/ Who & what influenced? [15]
no problem! :) I wish you all the luck in finishing your applications!
no problem! :) I wish you all the luck in finishing your applications!
meteruya
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / College adviser, Dr.Powell/ S yracuse supp/ Who & what influenced? [15]
This is a good essay that's full of good points you might want to expand on. I don't know the word limit for the essay, so I am unsure whether you can afford to expand on some of the ideas you have presented. I actually had the same experience with my own college counselor, so I understand the feeling of being told to go outside of one's own comfort zone and the overall anxiety of doing so. There are some grammatical errors I have highlighted in bold below:
A person that influenced me to apply to Syracuse University was my college advisor, Dr.Powell. I always talked about how I wanted to go to New York University and how I enjoyed living in the city. However, what I realized was that I did not want to leave my comfort zone. I did not want to leave the home-cooked meals behind. Dr.Powell always said to me that if I do stay in the city I will miss out on the college experience. In October 2012, I went on a college trip with Dr.Powell and other students. where?When we arrived in Syracuse, it was acomplete change of scenery?new scenery There were no skyscraper buildings, but instead a small city with a couple of shops. Immediately I fell in love with the campustalk specifically of what you fell in love withWalking through the campus all I saw were orange sweatshirts with " Syracuse" printed on themand I I came to a conclusion that these students must have a lot of pride and spirit for their school. As I kept touring the campus, I began to realize that I cannot depend on my parents for everything, I knew that if I kept depending on my parents I would not be able to transition into independence and then to adulthood. The advice that Dr. Powell really opened up my eyes. Her advice made me see the bigger picture, How will I be able to adapt to new surroundings if I can't escape that comfort zone that I love so much? how will I be able to succeed if I can't make a life of my own? She made me realize that going away for college will open up my eyes to things that I never encountered before.
The questions you pose at the end are thought-provoking. You may want to delve into more detail on exactly what stood out to you when you toured the campus. But other than that, this is a great start to your essay! All it needs now is some minor tweaking and revision (and, perhaps, some expansion if you have enough space left).
This is a good essay that's full of good points you might want to expand on. I don't know the word limit for the essay, so I am unsure whether you can afford to expand on some of the ideas you have presented. I actually had the same experience with my own college counselor, so I understand the feeling of being told to go outside of one's own comfort zone and the overall anxiety of doing so. There are some grammatical errors I have highlighted in bold below:
A person that influenced me to apply to Syracuse University was my college advisor, Dr.Powell. I always talked about how I wanted to go to New York University and how I enjoyed living in the city. However, what I realized was that I did not want to leave my comfort zone. I did not want to leave the home-cooked meals behind. Dr.Powell always said to me that if I do stay in the city I will miss out on the college experience. In October 2012, I went on a college trip with Dr.Powell and other students. where?When we arrived in Syracuse, it was acomplete change of scenery?new scenery There were no skyscraper buildings, but instead a small city with a couple of shops. Immediately I fell in love with the campustalk specifically of what you fell in love withWalking through the campus all I saw were orange sweatshirts with " Syracuse" printed on themand I I came to a conclusion that these students must have a lot of pride and spirit for their school. As I kept touring the campus, I began to realize that I cannot depend on my parents for everything, I knew that if I kept depending on my parents I would not be able to transition into independence and then to adulthood. The advice that Dr. Powell really opened up my eyes. Her advice made me see the bigger picture, How will I be able to adapt to new surroundings if I can't escape that comfort zone that I love so much? how will I be able to succeed if I can't make a life of my own? She made me realize that going away for college will open up my eyes to things that I never encountered before.
The questions you pose at the end are thought-provoking. You may want to delve into more detail on exactly what stood out to you when you toured the campus. But other than that, this is a great start to your essay! All it needs now is some minor tweaking and revision (and, perhaps, some expansion if you have enough space left).