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Posts by turtlefence
Joined: Dec 30, 2012
Last Post: Dec 31, 2012
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Posts: 5  
From: Lebanon

Displayed posts: 5
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turtlefence   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Vision/ Intelligence/ imagination/ leadership/ action - Topic of study/ Values&Priorities [6]

I think what shmegg tried to point out is that there is no example of an actual topic of studies here. You've clearly answered the second question quite well, stating the values of your institution, and explaining why. But shouldn't there be some sort of boundary as to what topic of study to take? For example, if I take Spanish 101 thinking I could fulfill that requirement, my academic advisor (and even I) would hardly believe that I am developing my vision for the future through taking Spanish courses. Unless I have some sort of proof of explaining how I tried developing my vision (such as a written essay or assignment), or following a specific track for that topic of study, then I wouldn't be fulfilling this requirement. Think about the first question a bit more. Good luck!
turtlefence   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Since I was little I loved to sing; Common App: Short Answer and Personal Essay [14]

I think you're fine and just need a few adjustments in the beginning:

"When words fail, music speaks"; every time I sing, I feel free. It relaxes me and washes away my problems. T his is why, in middle school, I decided to enroll in a s inging s chool. Before taking these classes, I used to be introverted and shy, and I didn't adapt easily to new environments, so I found myself struggling in the beginning. Months later, I began to change.

turtlefence   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Since I was little I loved to sing; Common App: Short Answer and Personal Essay [14]

I tried to cut down on characters by using shorter words because your short answer was above 1,000 characters (If I remember correctly this includes spaces). It's still a bit above the limit.

This is my first time reviewing something and I feel like I'm giving uncertain advice (so please take what I say with a grain of salt), and sorry if this might also seem blunt:

In middle school I decided to enroll in a Singing School and studied there for two years. Before taking these classes I used to be introverted, shy and somewhat closed to people(closed off from people?) . I didn't adapted easily to new environments, I found myself struggling and had stage fright. Months later I began to change; I became more open to people which helped me a lot because I was new inmiddle school and had trouble making new friends and feeling comfortable with myself , it took me six months to adapt (after some months following those six months? I'm confused) . Singing helped me become less shy and introverted be cause I had to sing every class in front of my peersduring each class and had to receive my teachers'(if it's more than one teacher)criticism . It taught me that my shyness wouldn't take me far (take me far in life, maybe?)away and that I had to speak my mind, talk in public and make my voice heard. I met new people that taught me different things(explain what you actually mean) and let me be myself without holding back; I learned not to be afraid of new situationsor environments just because I felt strange and out of place. Sometimes getting out of my comfort zone would benefit me and would teach me to grow as a person. Fighting for my dreams and goals, I gained more self-confidence and I thank singing for that.

Hope this helps!
turtlefence   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Warm and inviting community ; HMC Supp: Why Harvey-Mudd? [3]

Now, I love math and science as much as the next HMC applicant, but I still enjoy learning about the social sciences and arts; this is why I really like the opportunity made possible by Harvey-Mudd's Core Curriculum.

Using the word "core" might confuse the readers into thinking you're referring to the Common Core, which consists of math, science, and engineering courses. The curriculum is divided into three groups: Humanities/Social sciences, your major, and the Common Core, so referring to the curriculum as a whole would be more fitting. That isn't to say they won't know what you meant to write, but you should take it out just so that you don't seem like you've mixed up their terms.

I'd love to provide actual constructive feedback but I haven't started my first draft of this supplement, so I've been working on that lately. Good luck!
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