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Vision/ Intelligence/ imagination/ leadership/ action - Topic of study/ Values&Priorities

mylesd 6 / 10 1  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
Prompt: If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why?

No ideas jumped out at me for this prompt but I think this works.
I need some help editing it. So please, comment and criticize.

In today's society, everywhere I look I hear the importance of education being stressed. I also, from a young age, have been told time and time again to focus on my education. What I have never heard stressed, however, is learning the ability to apply one's knowledge and envision a plan for the future. Helen Keller once said, "The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision." That is why if I founded my own college or university, the mandatory topic of study would be to develop students' vision.

All successful people, men and women, are immense dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision. Achieving a goal or resolving an issue takes more than just vision, however. It takes intelligence, imagination, leadership, and action, all of which would be valued at my university. In the world today, especially America, technology can solve many problems on its own; if everyone backed a leader, with a common vision, we could address today's issues with the same vigor that placed a man on the moon in 1969.

shmegg 7 / 26 1  
Dec 31, 2012   #2
however; It takes

own.I f everyone backed a leader. with

What specific subjects would be mandatory and why? (use subject that will promote vision, and then have that be the reason and elabortae more on that)
tahanw13 5 / 19  
Dec 31, 2012   #3
he mandatory topic of study would be the development of student's visions.
turtlefence - / 5 1  
Dec 31, 2012   #4
I think what shmegg tried to point out is that there is no example of an actual topic of studies here. You've clearly answered the second question quite well, stating the values of your institution, and explaining why. But shouldn't there be some sort of boundary as to what topic of study to take? For example, if I take Spanish 101 thinking I could fulfill that requirement, my academic advisor (and even I) would hardly believe that I am developing my vision for the future through taking Spanish courses. Unless I have some sort of proof of explaining how I tried developing my vision (such as a written essay or assignment), or following a specific track for that topic of study, then I wouldn't be fulfilling this requirement. Think about the first question a bit more. Good luck!
Athena - / 83 3  
Dec 31, 2012   #5

I feel that some of the sentences are disconnected from one another. Instead, try to create a better flow in each paragraph. I corrected a few of the grammatical errors that I found. Good Luck with your application!

Leanne :)
chocolateshoppe 5 / 19 4  
Jan 5, 2013   #6
This is good, my friend! It's so short yet you managed to capture your main idea with a single quotation. It's relatable, and it makes me want to go to your university. Not a whole bunch of grammar to correct and the ones that are there have long since been corrected by others :p

Great work I like it :)

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