Posts by TexasGirl2013

TexasGirl2013

Jan 6, 2013

Undergraduate / competition / no compassionate and considerate ; LMU / Fr. Arrupe? [6]

Hello :)
I think you should change where it says

It is harder and harder for people

To: It has become more difficult for people...

That's all i could think of. Your intro is very well written.

TexasGirl2013

Dec 30, 2012

Undergraduate / My mom has had a huge impact on my life; Someone who had impact on me [2]

Hello! :)
The topic to this essay is: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

I chose to write about my mom, and this is what i have so far:

As a child I grew up with only my mother in my life. Throughout the years, I have learned that there are many difficulties that come with being a single parent, especially one that has moved from a different country and is struggling with a language barrier. Until this day I have yet to figure out how my mother was able to keep everything in place in other to provide me with everyday necessities. My mom has had a huge impact on my life; she has opened up a world of inspiration, determination, motivation, and love for me. She has shown me that anything is possible if you just work at it.

My mother was born in a little run-down town in Mexico, until she found out that she was pregnant with me. With me being her first child she wanted to make sure she did everything she could do to provide me with a better childhood than the one she had to live through. She moved to the United States on her own at the age of twenty.

Any suggestions on how i can make my essay better?

TexasGirl2013

Dec 30, 2012

Undergraduate / The white banner; Common app short answer [5]

HI! :)
Well first off, i am not sure what your topic is, but your first sentence doesn't seem to make a lot of sense, and it also seems to be a run-on sentence. You might want to look over it.

Also, where it says "Amid those, there was mine.", i think it would sound better if you said "Amid those, was mine."

"Last several months, from informing representatives of participant schools to conducting the rehearsal of ceremonies, from purchasing colorful balloons for decoration to coming up ideas for "Global Village", I never really slowed down my pace." INSTEAD TRY, "In the last several months, i've been informing representatives of participant schools, conducting the rehearsals of ceremonies, purchasing colorful balloons for decorations, and coming up with ideas for "Global Village", and i have yet to slow down my pace.

Well thats all i could come up with. I hope this helps! :)