Posts by sandytoes5

sandytoes5

Dec 31, 2012

Undergraduate / Program/Track team& coaches/ Myself; Syracuse - Why apply?/ Dream Person [3]

1. 1.My college search began when I started researching colleges that offered earth sciences. One of my major collegiate interests is this program and not only did Syracuse University offer this program, it is highly regarded. After stumbling upon this school, I knew for sure that it would be one of my top picks because it also has an amazing track team as well as coaches. I wish to participate in this level as I have been in contact with the friendly coaches. Mr. Stowe, my extremely intelligent english teacher, also went to SU. Once he heard me mention the name, he immediately pulled up a chair and shared everything about what SU has to offer. **provide a couple examples as to what your teacher shared** And from then on I knew Syracuse was a perfect fit.

3. All my life I was overjoyed with the thought of becoming employed.

If there is no word limit, I would change it to "All my life I was overjoyed with the thought of employment." Just an idea. Hope it helps cause I'd try to avoid using "being".

Throughout these few years not only have I learned great customer service skills but I learned to something much more valuable. Building relationships can make your life truly worthwhile.

Replace the period with a colon "Throughout these few years not only have I learned great customer service skills but I learned to something much more valuable: building relationships - a trait that can make your life truly worthwhile."

I've learned that by simply being helpful and kind, and engage in conversation, you really can make someones day.

I would reword to "I've learned that through simple helpfulness and kindness and an engagement in conversation can really make someone's day"

I know I've been real nitpicky, but all these things are just personal touches I would use.

Hope this helps!

sandytoes5

Dec 31, 2012

Undergraduate / "Why do we bother keep a dog?"; Stanford / What matters to you & why? [3]

Hi everyone first post here. I'd love feedback on this essay. Thanks so much everyone ahead of time! I want to submit this as soon as possible. By the way, there is a 2000 character limit.

What matters to you, and why?

CHARACTER COUNT: 1987

I feel like I have wondered "Why do we bother keep a dog?" too often. Sometimes, dog ownership does not add up. Take our dog, Lacey. We feed, walk, bathe, clean up after, and provide for her. In response, she constantly begs for food, squats and mightily resists any physical movement involving her being limited to a leash, dirties herself as she tumbles in our front garden's soil, destroys nearly every slipper and sock I own, and seemingly takes for granted the luxuries we cater her. She is also reserved and dives away from any passer-by innocently attempting to pet her - the same way victims try to evade their killers. This, others imply, results from poor ownership on my part.

Even so, Lacey means the world to me. Over our relatively short time together - about 16 months - we have developed a mutual love is difficult to describe and can only be understood through experience. Every day, I look forward to returning home from the stresses of daily life to have Lacey greet me with an unbridled excitement only rivaling that of a teenage girl meeting Justin Bieber for the first time. She then, in her excitement, trails my every step the way Lenny followed George. By doing so, she gives me with a stronger sense of security and comfort, knowing that I mean something to someone. This feeling is is a rarity these days. I also sometimes find it easy to forget to whiff in a fresh breath of air and relax. Lacey's calm and docile personality reminds me to do so. Her nonjudgmental nature and eagerness to please also makes her willing to listen to my many rambles and join me in my random compulsions to go for a jog. Time alone with her opens an invisible portal into a more imaginative and less self-conscious world, one where I do not care about making a complete fool of myself.

Yes, I understood the responsibilities and accompanying stresses of dog ownership but my family and I still chose to adopt Lacey. And that has made all the difference in her life and in mine.

END
I fear that I've spent too much time talking about Lacey (my dog) and not enough about myself. I hear from others saying "Oh sure Stanford would love to consider Lacey for admission. Tell me about yourself." But I feel that I've more than sufficiently described my role in my relationship with my dog.