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Posts by noahremillard
Joined: Dec 31, 2012
Last Post: Dec 31, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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noahremillard   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / I'm a city girl; BOSTON U Sup/ Good Fit [2]

Overall it is a good essay.

When you say, "My hopes were dashed of finding the perfect school; none offered what I desired. Though one day I saw the light at the end of the tunnel; I came across Boston University" it is a little conflicting. Maybe say "my hopes of finding the perfect school quickly faded when none seemed to fit all of my criteria."

"When the time came that I had to begin my college search"

I like the your word choice overall, but tighten up the transitions and flow.
noahremillard   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Guest lecture on nanotechnologies/ DUKE U; PRATT ENGINEERING [2]

This is my essay for the Pratt School of Engineering at Duke. Feel free to point out grammar errors, etc. Thanks for the feedback.

(For Engineering Applicants Only) If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke. (one to three paragraphs)

My freshman biology course was the first time I was exposed to a true lab setting. Within the first month we had viewed cells in mitosis through a microscope and created our own semi-permeable membrane. This new form of learning sparked an interest in science in me that has since consumed my academic life. In the last three years, I have spent countless late nights reading a Stephen Hawking book or a recently published microbiology articles. But my desire to become an engineer didn't arise until last February, when I attended the local Engineering Banquet. Every year the engineers in my town hold a banquet to which they invite high school students who are interested in engineering, with the focus of the event being a guest speaker. This year's guest was Dr. Gabriel MontaĂąo, a research scientist from Los Alamos, who had prepared an introductory presentation on nanotechnologies. Before this lecture, I had never even heard of nanotechnology; as Dr. MontaĂąo began to explain his research, I was quickly hooked. He began his presentation by explaining cantilevers and carbon nanotubes and quickly transitioned into his lab's research into the applications of quantum mechanics. He explained how gold atoms change colors when manipulated at the nanoscale and how this technology is being applied at Los Alamos. His lab was developing smart fabrics that change color when exposed to deadly toxins and even technology that could lead to non-invasive cancer biopsies. When he finished I asked him numerous questions and tried my best understand what I had just heard. When I was finally satisfied, I turned around to find an empty room: everyone else had left.

Before Dr. MontaĂąo's lecture, I viewed science as a conglomeration of knowledge that was interesting but somehow disconnected with everyday life. His brief presentation forced me to realize that science is around me everywhere in the products of engineering. More importantly, I realized that the innovations in engineering being designed today are more incredible than ever before. Although I don't know exactly what my major will be in college, my end goal is to be a part of this exciting field. I feel that the best way to accomplish this goal is to study engineering at Duke University. One reason that Duke is my first choice for college is that Duke allows engineering students to explore their options. While some students may enter college knowing that they are going to major in bio-nuclear engineering, I am uncertain as to what type of engineering I want to specialize in. The fact that Duke encourages students to explore each engineering major and then make their choice comforts me. Another reason I believe Duke is the best fit for me is that undergraduates are encouraged to research. My favorite days in my science classes have been the lab days that I have had extra time to explore slides with a microscope in physiology or build a pulley system in physics. This desire for hands-on learning seems to be exactly what Duke tries to foster in its engineering students. I would love to be part of an undergraduate research team or an engineering club or competition.

The culture of Duke is another reason why I want to attend the Pratt School of Engineering. While Pratt is relatively small in number of students, the large university feel is maintained by the community between the two main schools. While Pratt students are in small classes that include hands-on learning and interaction with professors, they are exposed to an array of perspectives from the students of Trinity, something homogeneous engineering only campuses miss out on. Although I have yet to visit Duke personally, I am confident that I'm not misjudging the culture of Duke. All it took for me is one shot of the student section at a Duke basketball game on ESPN to realize it is not just a one-dimensional engineering school. With several students were painted completely blue, the entire student body seemed to be in attendance and the sound was so loud I could hardly hear the announcers. The camaraderie and diverse culture are a huge indicator for me that if I attended Duke, I would not only get a great engineering education, but I would also make lasting connections and friendships. The hands-on learning opportunities, the intimate classroom settings, and the diverse culture of learning have all made me realize that Duke is the best university to help me reach my ultimate goal of becoming an outstanding engineer.
noahremillard   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Special needs student ; STANFORD - WHAT MATTERS TO YOU AND WHY? [16]

I love this essay, but the only thing I had a problem with was that you didn't really explain why it matters to you. Maybe expand on why you first started volunteering and why it makes a difference to them. Maybe say how fortunate you feel that you don't struggle with these things and why it means so much for them to overcome these difficulties.

I'm kind of splitting hairs here but it's hard not to when it's written so well.

Good luck with Stanford!
noahremillard   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Bryn Mawr: What will I gain? [3]

I love first paragraph but in the second sentence maybe say "at that age..." because using eight years old again seemed repetative to me. Also, the "...I thought there was nothing." kind of confused me.

The second paragraph is good because it shows your passion for different cultures, but the second sentence could be tightened up. Maybe, "Living in a country referred to as the "melting pot, " not many can say that they have been exposed to or even have tried to explore different cultures ."

The first sentence of the third paragraph is a run-on.

The fourth paragraph is very good but the last sentence is a little choppy.

Overall it is very personal and shows your passion well. Good luck!
noahremillard   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / I want to be a part of Science and Engineering; Why Harvey Mudd? [2]

This is my essay for Harvey Mudd's prompt: What influenced you to apply to Harvey Mudd College? What about the HMC curriculum and community appeals to you? (500 word limit) It is about 40 words too long and I don't feel like it is very personal. Don't be afraid to be harsh. Thanks!

Although I am uncertain of the specific role I will play in the scientific community one day, I have always known that science and engineering is the field of which I want to be a part. My freshman biology class sparked my interest in science and ever since, I have focused most of my attention on my technical classes. Additionally, I spent a lot of free time researching contemporary discoveries - staying up late reading a Stephen Hawking book or skimming through microbiology articles. As my high school career comes to a close, I have shifted this attention to determining the best institution at which to further my education. While some engineering colleges are better known or have endowments large enough to buy a small country, I hope to attend Harvey Mudd College instead. One of the things that draws me to Harvey Mudd is the type of majors offered. Some colleges offer upwards of 20 science and engineering majors, while HMC offers a modest nine. This might scare a prospective student who has already made up his mind that he wants to major in bio-nuclear engineering, but I would like to keep my options open. I like the idea of simply majoring in engineering or a science which would give me countless options for graduate school or careers.

Because I attended a high school where higher level science courses often only have fifteen to twenty students (from the 1,100 student body) sign up, I have seen the value of having different perspectives when tackling a problem. Every year, the few science enthusiasts in the school beg anyone to sign up for honors science courses just so that these classes will be offered. This often leads to a physics course with a few students who would much rather be playing their guitar or reading Shakespeare than calculating kinetic energy. But when I have worked in groups with them, I cannot count the number of times they have solved a problem that stumped the rest of us by simply interpreting it differently. The value of different perspectives is a huge reason I am applying to Harvey Mudd. While HMC is comprised only of STEM students, the fact that it is located in and collaborates with the entire Claremont Consortium appeals to me. Many engineering colleges are so homogeneous in the type of student they contain; they only have one perspective on numerous issues. Harvey Mudd's collaboration with the other Claremont Colleges allows for a diverse academic environment that encourages multiple viewpoints.

The final piece in the puzzle of the perfect college for me is the ability to research as an undergraduate. Taking notes during Power Point presentations and lectures is important, but the basis of all learning is applying the concepts. This is why I would be excited to undertake a clinic project and capstone research project with a group of my peers. I think the way Harvey Mudd approaches undergraduate research is perfect for preparing me to be a part of the scientific community. Harvey Mudd's broad-based majors, the Claremont community, and the research opportunities available are why I believe Harvey Mudd is the best place for me to continue my education; and the location doesn't hurt either.
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