13579e
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Use of fear' - University Application Essay - Significant Challenge [4]
As soon as the month of April came near, most conversations began to fall onto one similar topic. Student Government elections incited a great deal of curiosity in every grade. As an eleventh grade student, I finally had the opportunity to run for an executive position. However, the loss from a past election had intimidated me tremendously. I couldn't bear the thought of a second loss and I could not imagine failing to reach my largest high school goal. During my campaign preparations for Secretary, fear continuously irked in the back of my mind and I became uncertain with whether or not I wanted to continue through. Eventually, I knew that if I wanted to succeed, I had to consider a different perspective on my intimidation. I realized that my fear was merely an extra challenge driving me to go beyond what I already knew I was capable of. Soon enough, I began executing each part of my campaign even grander than I had previously. Every sign, every poster, and every banner was improved and worked on until perfection. Through my campaign, I had learned that while past unsuccessful events may seem like daunting failures, they should be perceived as lessons and guides for future improvements. With a new outlook on my fear, I had successfully achieved the position of Secretary.
I need to cut down 21 words!
please critique
As soon as the month of April came near, most conversations began to fall onto one similar topic. Student Government elections incited a great deal of curiosity in every grade. As an eleventh grade student, I finally had the opportunity to run for an executive position. However, the loss from a past election had intimidated me tremendously. I couldn't bear the thought of a second loss and I could not imagine failing to reach my largest high school goal. During my campaign preparations for Secretary, fear continuously irked in the back of my mind and I became uncertain with whether or not I wanted to continue through. Eventually, I knew that if I wanted to succeed, I had to consider a different perspective on my intimidation. I realized that my fear was merely an extra challenge driving me to go beyond what I already knew I was capable of. Soon enough, I began executing each part of my campaign even grander than I had previously. Every sign, every poster, and every banner was improved and worked on until perfection. Through my campaign, I had learned that while past unsuccessful events may seem like daunting failures, they should be perceived as lessons and guides for future improvements. With a new outlook on my fear, I had successfully achieved the position of Secretary.
I need to cut down 21 words!
please critique