Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by medgirl44
Joined: Feb 19, 2009
Last Post: Feb 22, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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medgirl44   
Feb 20, 2009
Undergraduate / common app short answer- macaroni penguins [4]

I don't think you need to add at the end "and now I know what macaroni penguins are too!"
It is funny, but if you are looking to cut words those would be some.

Also, maybe you should cut out a few of the minor details. Those are my only thoughts, because I think this essay sounds great. It would be weird to cut a lot of that out.

250 words, is a hard minimum to work with.
medgirl44   
Feb 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Georgetown - Somalian Pirates [8]

i think that this essay has really good structure, just make sure your sentences flow nicely, and make sure your conclusion is strong.
medgirl44   
Feb 19, 2009
Undergraduate / PSEOP Admission Essay - post secondary essay (every ounce I have) [8]

I need to write an essay for post secondary on why i want to be in this program and what courses i plan on taking. it should be a regular 5 paragraph essay double spaced, and will be judged on content and correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Please critique me and tell me what i could do to make this better. Thank you!

PSEOP Admission Essay

Tha-thump, tha-thump, tha-thump, tha-beeeeeeep, was the sound that came out of the heart monitor as my grandmother's heart faltered and stopped for 30 seconds in her sleep. The doctors did everything they could, including putting in a pacemaker, to help her survive. If it weren't for them I would have lost my grandmother that night. Doctors, especially cardiologists, save many lives everyday, and have saved both of my grandparents, which is why I want to become a doctor after high school graduation. Medical school consists of a lot of work, effort, and time, and I am willing to put in every ounce I have. I deem that Kent State's Post Secondary Enrollment Option Program (PSEOP) is the best way that I can prepare myself for a college atmosphere, for the respect and responsibility needed, for the increase of difficulty in work, and for an appreciation of what college life will be like.

The first reason that I wish to participate in Kent State's PSEO program is because it will help me become familiar with a college work environment. A college has a more mature way of interacting than a high school does, and I believe the way students interact is important to how well they do in their field of study. College is much more difficult because there is a wide variety of people and in order to be comfortable a person needs to be exposed to these situations in advance. I also believe that this program will teach me the proper respect that I need to have for my peers and elders in order to succeed. I live in a very small community, which is why when I heard about this option I realized it was exactly what I needed. In the PSEO program I will be able to acquire these skills, to make my experience a little bit easier when I attend my 4 year college.

The second reason that the PSEO program will make a difference in my future is because it will help me learn the difficulty of work, and how to manage my time. In high school many times a student will get at worksheet that can be completed in a matter of ten minutes, but in college there is a lot more researching and bookwork. The work will be much more difficult and will require a lot more effort, but I am willing to try my hardest. I will need to study more often and be able to manage all of my time to pass my classes to get the proper credit that I need to graduate. So far in high school I have taken challenging classes and still have managed to achieve a high grade point average. Colleges are more strict and require more time, but the better education a person gets the more of a chance they have to head down an efficacious path in life.

Furthermore, at Kent State I plan on taking any classes that will help me succeed and get one step further in the direction I need to go in for a proficient education. If I can take a few courses in science or math and get college credit for them, and high school credit for them, I have a better chance to be qualified for the colleges I apply to my senior year. I was planning on taking a few more writing or English classes to help me improve my writing and grammar skills to the best of my ability. An extra course in humanities would also help me with appreciation of our history of arts, and great thinkers. Taking these courses at a college level will also present me with knowledge that will help prepare me for college, and give me the experience I need.

As a result, I think that college will present me with a more strict atmosphere, a harsher workload, and many new challenges that I am willing to accept. I have established many goals for myself and have achieved most, if not all, of them. I have obtained a high grade point average so far in my high school years, and have not had any disciplinary actions taken against me. I participate in many extra curricular activities, and love to do everything I can to represent my school in a positive way. I strive to continue making higher goals for myself and accomplishing them throughout college, and I believe that the PSEO program will help me follow through with that. Which is why I know I can also represent Kent State's PSEO program in an optimistic way, and I would love to earn a spot in this program.
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