Posts by keleigh24

keleigh24

Jan 12, 2013

Undergraduate / Major in Computer Science, local community - Why Lafayette? [3]

bobesman94
I think the first part is good.

But while the offered academic programs were remarkable, I found the number of on-campus organizations and clubs that match my interests outstanding. What immediately caught my attention, however, was Lafayette's implication both in the local community, especially into the children education field, and in places in need around the country and the globe, through programs such as Alternative Spring Break.

All these things, coupled with the low student - faculty ratio and the wonderful words current students say about Lafayette, made me realize that I would spend the best years of my life in Easton, as one of your students.

But- However,
What immediately caught my attention, however, was Lafayette's implication both in the local community, especially into the children education field, and in places in need around the country and the globe, through programs such as Alternative Spring Break.- Run on sentence. possibly start off with "Immediately, I was impressed by Lafayett's..."

student:faculty
words current students say- wonderful assesments current students have about Lafayette also last sentence is a run on

keleigh24

Jan 12, 2013

Writing Feedback / a Short Story on "Carry On" [2]

peiting94
It's 2 o' clock in the morning, I woke up to the sound of silence. Well, my partner was not laying beside me on the bed. My hands searched for him blindly in the darkness. I still can feel his warmth on the bed. He was probably leaving not so long time ago . I gasped and whispered to myself, "He must been at somewhere else." Soon, I grabbed my coat and dressed it and went out from the house which was surrounded by warm air.

Well- Don't use well to start a sentence like this. Even though you might use it in conversation, it's not neessary in writting

He was probably leaving not so long time ago- Use the same tense throughout the sentence. "He had probably just left."
Soon, I grabbed my coat and dressed it and went out from the house which was surrounded by warm air- Soon is not used correctly. Too many "and"s it makes it a run on sentence- "Quickly, I grabbed my coat and put it on as I ran out into the cold."

It was snowing outside. The street was covered by the crystal clear white snow. The street was not silent as it was in Christmas mood. The cars were cutting like knives in a fist fight. I still could see some sweet couples and lonely pedestrians walking on the street. My eyes were non-stop rolling searching for him. I wondered where could he been . Suddenly, I trembled .

The street was covered by the crystal clear white snow.- you can't say it was crystal clear and white. Pick one
The street was not silent as it was in Christmas mood.- Instead of saying "not silent," use an adjective to describe what it sounds like- "The street was full of laughter, as everyone was in the Christmas mood."

been- be
Suddenly, I trembled- Suddenly I began to tremble. no comma

keleigh24

Jan 12, 2013

Undergraduate / Real Human Being; USF Nursing- Carry out University mission [2]

Its not done, but I know I need help on it
Prompt: Please compose a one or two page essay about yourself that tells us how you will help the University to carry out its mission:To promote learning in the Jesuit Catholic tradition so that students acquire the knowledge, skills, values and sensitivities they need to succeed as persons, professionals and architects of a more humane and just world. What do we mean when we say USF embraces Jesuit values? For centuries, Jesuits have advanced academic excellence in the service of humankind - educating students of all cultures, beliefs, and capabilities, inspiring them to strive for justice. In USF classrooms, we compel you to question, reason, and explore new ideas. You'll find yourself part of an inclusive community enriched by many perspectives. You'll apply skills and knowledge to the pressing challenges of our time.

ESSAY: One of my dad's favorite quotes is: "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." (Nelson Mandela) The values of education and hard work have been fundamental to my upbringing; taught by my parents who have put so much of themselves into their own business. Growing up, spending endless hours and weekends at their office, I discovered what it means to have determination and to be successful. Even though I was not brought up in a completely devout Catholic family, my parents also made sure to stress the importance of religion. I learned most of what I know today from high school. I had several friends with different faiths, and decided to go to church/ synagogue/temple with them to checkout each one. I didn't find a new faith in any of them, but I did learn about the people there and have a new appreciation for what each one has to offer.

Growing up, I didn't know what I wanted to be like some kids do. I thought wanted to be a "movie star," lawyer, international business woman, dental hygienist; however, these dreams, weren't really my dreams. I never was able to really say, why or how much I wanted to pursue these dreams. They were simply my responses to people asking what I wanted to do with my life. It was not until I was exposed to the field of nursing that I truly understood who I am and what I want to become.

My desire to become a nurse is not simply a response but a passion that seems to have been building my whole life. I have always felt a sense of compassion and empathy towards all people. However, somewhere between making my spaghetti look like the loop of henle and referring to bacteria and viruses as microscopic supervillains, I learned that I also have a love for the scientific aspect as well. My passion for becoming a nursing encompasses who I am as a person and my yearning to help and advocate for others on an intellectual and physical level; while also being on a life long journey to continue to educate myself. There are always more questions unanswered and things unknown.

I currently volunteer at Scripps Green Hospital, which has taught me more about humankind than I ever thought possible. In a place where I have had opportunities such as; being in the operating room to observe a CABG (coronary artery bypass graph), helping put the deceased in body bags, getting family members glasses of water, and even being a patient there myself; I have learned what it means to be a real human being, with real pain and real feelings- that even small gestures are not without impact