J Lincoln
Mar 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / He tried to be somebody that he is not; GRAMMAR CHECK [NEW]
He tried to be somebody that he is not. He tried to change the way he talked, sit, walked, eat and even the way he sleep. He did all of this just because of one reason and the reason is for the one he loves. Lennort is a young high school boy with feminine features, joins Blue Rosen; the all-girl band that Kyra, an androgynous girl of the same age, performs lead electric guitar in their high school life is anything but typical. Kyra is the "prince" of her all-girl school while Lennort is the "princess" of the neighboring all-boy school. It all starts when Lennort went to Blue Rosen concert and saw Kyra performance. He fell in love with her at first sight and because she looks so cool on the stage. Blue Rosen vocalist, Ali want to retired from Blue Rosen because she wants to further her studies in Paris. Kyra had to find a new vocalist for Blue Rosen and had an audition for new vocalist of Blue Rosen. Lennort heard about the audition and secretly sneak into all the all girl school to participate in the audition. He disguises as a girl and no one was suspicious about his identity and of course it went smoothly because of his feminine features.
Lennort was so nervous while waiting for his turn to sing because the contestants are all good and talented but the main reason that makes him nervous is Kyra. He will have to sing in front of Kyra, after 15 minutes of waiting, now it is his turns to show his talent but while his stand on the stage he saw Kyra waiting for him to sing. Lennort start to sweat because he is nervous and his hand shaking while holding the microphone. At first when Kyra saw Lennort, she thinks that Lennort is really a cute girl and she never seen her before, she thought that Lennort might be a new student the music had started and Lennort starts to sing but suddenly his voice did not come out. Kyra saw that situations and said " relax, don't worry we won't eat you just take a deep breath and imagine that you are in your own world and we are not here "Lennort follow Kyra advice and start to imagine that he is in his room, he took a deep breath and start to sing for a second time and this time his voice finally came out. Lennort's voice was so mesmerizing, Kyra were impressed by his voice. "Thank you, I will call you later for the result "said Kyra. Lennort felt happy because he manages to show his talent.
After two days of audition finally it's time to choose which of the contestants will be Blue Rosen vocalist. There are about ten people that are selected. Kyra and the other member of Blue Rosen are discussing which one of the contestants is suitable to be Blue Rosen vocalist.
He tried to be somebody that he is not. He tried to change the way he talked, sit, walked, eat and even the way he sleep. He did all of this just because of one reason and the reason is for the one he loves. Lennort is a young high school boy with feminine features, joins Blue Rosen; the all-girl band that Kyra, an androgynous girl of the same age, performs lead electric guitar in their high school life is anything but typical. Kyra is the "prince" of her all-girl school while Lennort is the "princess" of the neighboring all-boy school. It all starts when Lennort went to Blue Rosen concert and saw Kyra performance. He fell in love with her at first sight and because she looks so cool on the stage. Blue Rosen vocalist, Ali want to retired from Blue Rosen because she wants to further her studies in Paris. Kyra had to find a new vocalist for Blue Rosen and had an audition for new vocalist of Blue Rosen. Lennort heard about the audition and secretly sneak into all the all girl school to participate in the audition. He disguises as a girl and no one was suspicious about his identity and of course it went smoothly because of his feminine features.
Lennort was so nervous while waiting for his turn to sing because the contestants are all good and talented but the main reason that makes him nervous is Kyra. He will have to sing in front of Kyra, after 15 minutes of waiting, now it is his turns to show his talent but while his stand on the stage he saw Kyra waiting for him to sing. Lennort start to sweat because he is nervous and his hand shaking while holding the microphone. At first when Kyra saw Lennort, she thinks that Lennort is really a cute girl and she never seen her before, she thought that Lennort might be a new student the music had started and Lennort starts to sing but suddenly his voice did not come out. Kyra saw that situations and said " relax, don't worry we won't eat you just take a deep breath and imagine that you are in your own world and we are not here "Lennort follow Kyra advice and start to imagine that he is in his room, he took a deep breath and start to sing for a second time and this time his voice finally came out. Lennort's voice was so mesmerizing, Kyra were impressed by his voice. "Thank you, I will call you later for the result "said Kyra. Lennort felt happy because he manages to show his talent.
After two days of audition finally it's time to choose which of the contestants will be Blue Rosen vocalist. There are about ten people that are selected. Kyra and the other member of Blue Rosen are discussing which one of the contestants is suitable to be Blue Rosen vocalist.