Essays / For Significant Experience Can I Write about My School Educational Tour? [12]

Thank You very much :))))

Essays / For Significant Experience Can I Write about My School Educational Tour? [12]

I've made a correction in my essay and I posted here.
Can you please shorten this essay??? It's about 475 words. I want you to make it couple like in the above you did last time.

Every time when I talk about my birth place, Nepal, I cannot help talking about the beauty of snow-topped Mount Everest with the dazzling sunshine glaring down from a cloudless sky. Being predominantly a Hindu country, Nepal appreciates co-existence of diverse communities and religious followers such as Muslims, Christians and Buddhists. Although many youth tend to imitate western cultures I wanted to be different and contribute my share to protect our rich culture and traditions.

In February 19, 2010 it was the night of Sherpa Losar Eve Celebration. Losar is a Tibetan word for New Year. It is celebrated by Yolmo, Sherpa, Tamang, Gurung and Bhutia, although different regions in the country have their own respective New Year. It is also celebrated by Tibetans worldwide. I was going to perform a Sherpa Cultural Dance with my group consisting of 12 dancers. Among them I was the youngest. We had been practicing extremely hard to achieve perfection. The time had finally come to unleash our unique performance to a Live Audience. There were more than a thousand people and I was a bit nervous because this was my first live performance. I could see the smiles on their faces as they watched silently. I could feel their love and appreciation for our performance which began to increase my confidence little by little. Our dance was finally over with huge claps and elation from the crowd and our teachers backstage. But, it was just the beginning. This was not just a dance. It was preservation of our Sherpa culture by the youth of our time who are primarily driven by modernity and western cultures. It was showing that young people can do both, have love for the modern world and also respect our culture. Culture and tradition are very important, as being one of the citizens we should all have sense of preserving the culture and tradition of the country. And these cultural dances are more important because our culture and tradition can be reflected through it. Showing our culture through this dance we can give our youngsters and coming generation the knowledge about our culture and tradition and make them aware about our unique culture.

This great experience helped me to boost up my confidence and I was performing a cultural dance which made me proud to represent the culture and tradition of the country. I was very nervous at first but this dance taught me to be self confident and to throw out the nervousness inside me. Like us others should also perform the cultural and traditional program so that our coming generation will be able to know about our ancestors culture and tradition.

I had a great experience as it made me realize that my little contribution had so much impact to our society. I came out of this experience feeling more confident and ready to face the world for new challenges and opportunities.

Hope to hear from you...

Sincerely,
lakpa :))

Essays / For Significant Experience Can I Write about My School Educational Tour? [12]

Thank You very much for your suggestion. :)))

Now I think I'm really bad in English :p

Should I have to add some more information in this essay???And delete the useless one ???

Thank You Dumi Mam

Sincerely,
Lakpa

Essays / For Significant Experience Can I Write about My School Educational Tour? [12]

Please someone help me...I need an advice.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; SPACE VS MALNUTRITION- Which is more important? [5]

wow a nice start....

Essays / For Significant Experience Can I Write about My School Educational Tour? [12]

Hi
Finally I wrote an essay on Significant experience.Like u asked what is that experience, why is it important to me, how it peronally helped and what I learned from that experience.

For Experience I wrote about Live Dance performance.Down below there's an essay.please check whether my essay is good or not.And please make correction too.The essay should be 400 words but I had written more than 400 words so that we can remove some useless sentence.Maybe the essay is not in a right order so please Check that too. Thank You :))

PLS SEE BELOW;

Essays / For Significant Experience Can I Write about My School Educational Tour? [12]

Ahh Thank You Very Much From Your Advice.I'll Write my essay and post it.And after that you can Check.Thank You Once again :))

Lakpa

Essays / For Significant Experience Can I Write about My School Educational Tour? [12]

- Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
- Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

- Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

- Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

- A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

- Topic of your choice.

As Above these are the topics.I can write on any of the Topics.But At First I don't understand these Topics.What should I write or what i shouldn't write.So can you explain a little of these topics and Step to write an essay.And I'm confused How to start the Essay.What should I include at the Top????Please Please Please I need your advice.Thank you

Lakpa