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Posts by jmilla13
Joined: Feb 13, 2013
Last Post: Aug 20, 2014
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jmilla13   
Aug 20, 2014
Undergraduate / Common App: The serenity of Blue Lake [NEW]

I have always been fascinated by the perseverance of nature, the way the great landmarks of the world seem to remain the same despite everything that is changing in my life. Every year I return to the powerful and awe-inspiring mountains of Telluride, Colorado, and each time I am equally amazed. Telluride is a modest town located in a box canyon in the San Juan Mountains with a population of 2,300 people. My family hikes, bikes, rafts, and skis in these mountains, yet, for some reason, of all the various trails and rivers, I feel the most at ease at Blue Lake.

This past summer I once again made the 1,820 foot climb to Blue Lake. I had forgotten how challenging it could be to keep a timely pace on such a steep and rocky terrain, and it did not take long until I was breathing heavily and feeling the effect of the high altitude. This, along with the burn in my legs, was enough to make me question my decision to hike that trail again. I kept repeating to myself that the pain would be worth it the moment I reached the top, but at the time all I could think about was collapsing. Relief came from the black face rock that towered above all else. This monstrous figure marked the final leg of the trip, and the sight of it always excited me. I suddenly had the energy to pick up my pace for the last ten minutes. Finally, I came over the last hill and was able to see the deep aqua water that gave Blue Lake its name.

The lake was surrounded by tall snowcapped peaks that slowly melted into the lake. As I walked atop the stones that covered the shores, they emitted a sharp chink! that was reminiscent of bricks hitting the ground. The stones, I noticed, were blue-grey in color, and complimented the lake perfectly. I made my way to a squared boulder, my preferred resting place to enjoy the view. Though the temperature was distinctly colder by the lake that day, the earth beneath me had absorbed the sun and provided a contrasting warmth that I could feel beneath my palms. This... this was the place that had always relieved me of all my prior headaches.

That morning I had been stressed, rearranging my schedule to fit in work, sports, family. Yet on that lake, I was able to forget everything. Maybe my calendar was full, and maybe my life was changing too quickly, but those peaks, and that lake, were unaffected. No matter what my age, these mountains were changing too slowly to be any different in my lifetime. From the time I first wondered at these waters as a child, to that July when I was preparing for my last year in high school, the lake still reflected the same peaks I had seen nearly every summer. Realizing this humbled me. None of my worries mattered here, and once more I found myself admiring the nature around me rather than thinking on petty anxieties. This was the calming effect of the lake that I had worked so hard to achieve.

I will continue to return to the serenity of Blue Lake every year, to work hard for the summit in order to experience that same bliss I felt resting on that boulder. It is soothing to think that in the future, when I have a job and a family, I will always know where I can experience peace again. So, while a year from now I will be leaving my home and making great changes in my life, I can appreciate that Blue Lake will always be waiting, wherever I may be.
jmilla13   
Aug 19, 2014
Undergraduate / 'I KIND OF JUST WANT TO GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE!' - MY REASON FOR ATTENDING [2]

I consider myself lucky when it comes to the question, "What do you want to do with your life?" You see, for as long as I can remember, I have been captivated by the human body, animals, and plant life. I remember when I was four, my mother was pregnant with my younger brother Ian. I would sit and analyze her stomach and I even began coming up withforming what I now know as theories. As I entered high school I decided to explore my curiosities by taking a variety of science courses, such as biology, anatomy, and physiology. Towards the middle of my junior year I realized I had a true love for children and their well-being, so I decided I wanted to become a pediatric surgeon. With that decision being made I did further research and realized that biology would be the best major for achieving my dream career, and from there I was lead to a number of colleges and universities that just didn't seem like "me". In college I knew I wanted to experience academic growth, but I would also like to grow personally, socially, and spiritually, which a lot of colleges and universities didn't offer. Luckily Google led me to my first choice college: Loyola Marymount University. LMU became my first choice after reading their core values, two of which stood out to me the most being "Faith and reason," and "Service to others." I would also like to attend LMU for its eye staggering campus location. Being located on a beautiful Los Angeles bluff would bring natural peace and tranquility during times of stress. Diversity at LMU is also one of theanother reason I would like to attend, not just on campus, but off-campus as well.W ith Los Angeles at my fingertips,there are a variety of cultural opportunities, such as museums and art galleries to explore. FromWith further research I have found unity among the students, whether they are part of social justice clubs or Greek life, LMU doesn't encourage divisions among students. Last but not least I would like to attend LMU for its reputation of rigorous academics. I know if I attendedthat if I were to attend Loyola Marymount University, I willwould never go a day without being academically challenged, so that when I graduate, I will have a sufficient amount of knowledge to succeed in medical school, and achieve my dream job of being a pediatric surgeon.

I wanted to say to delete that last green comma but strikethrough looked weird on it.
Watch out for common expressions and phrases. Colleges want to see you use your own voice.
Your essay definitely answers the prompt and I can tell you are really enthusiastic about LMU. Some of your sentences seemed a bit long, so some commas would definitely do some good in there. Other than that, I only saw a few grammatical errors, like the use of their vs there. This seems small, but colleges like to see that students can go back to their fundamentals when writing.

Good luck and I hope you make it into LMU!
jmilla13   
Feb 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / Five-Mile High Wasteland-An argument essay on commercial climbing on Everst [2]

Please read this argumentative essay on whether the effects of commercial climbing on Mount Everest and its surrounding areas are beneficial or otherwise. All critiques are welcome and appreciated. (grade 10 advanced class)

Five-Mile High Wasteland



As one of the seven Natural Wonders of the World, it was important to Edmund Hillary, who was the first to summit the tallest mountain in the world along with Tenzing Norgay, to protect Mount Everest and support the Khumbu region that surrounds it. After reaching the top of the world, he had begun to notice the decline of the environment in the Himalayas, and pressed to make Everest and the surrounding areas a National Park. The Nepalese agreed that the area should be protected, but because the government could not afford to fund the project, Hillary reached out to the New Zealand government for the funds. In addition to Hillary's advocacy towards the environment, he also set up the Sir Edmund Hillary Foundation, which assisted the people of Nepal. The Sir Edmund Hillary Foundation built hospitals and clinics, two airstrips, and seventeen schools. However, Hillary did not anticipate the tourists that would eventually come in through those airstrips. When commercial climbing began to become a popular trade, Hillary spoke out against it, saying "I find it all rather sad. I like to think of Everest as a great mountaineering challenge, and when you've got people just streaming up the mountain - well, many of them are just climbing it to get their name in the paper really ... It's all (ridiculous) on Everest these days" (Shaikh/Orr 2008).

The excessive climbing of Mount Everest is harmful to the mountain's environment and to the surrounding communities. The vast amount of climbers that pay to be guided up the mountain leave litter behind on the mountain, which is extremely difficult to remove due to the high altitudes and dangerous terrain. The large number of climbers and tourists have overwhelmed the small villages in the Khumbu region, which are now filled with pollution and waste. This has also promoted the building and usage of more factories, which are harmful to the environment. In addition to all of this the great amount of income the commercial climbing brings benefits only those businesses that have managed to succeed in the tourism industry, increasing the income inequality.

With the growth of commercial climbing on Everest comes the growth of trash that litters the peaks of the mountain. When climbing the mountain, climbers, especially the more inexperienced ones, have been known to discard of their trash and other equipment on the mountain. Such equipment includes "thousands of oxygen cylinders, gas cartridges, old tents, ropes, carcasses, as well as all sorts of human waste" (Allee 2011). This occurs because there is no effective way of collecting and disposing of trash high on the mountain nor any way to prevent the emergency circumstances in which climbers must leave behind equipment or neglect to take down tents. In order for this litter to brought down, climbing expeditions must be made up the mountain with the sole purpose of gathering as much trash as possible. Just last year a cleaning expedition "collected 1.5 tons of garbage brought down by climbers form the mountain, including remains of a helicopter that had crashed into the slopes during the 1970s" (Mathema 2013).

Similar problems with pollution occur in the surrounding communities. Before the expansion of tourism in the Khumbu region, the economy was based on substainable agriculture. In other words, each household was self-sufficient and produced food to be sold or traded. However, "increasing focus on tourism has marginalized the traditional local subsistence agriculture shifting it to transitional agriculture system" (Shrestha 6). Now there are more factories, which in turn leads to more pollution in the region and on the mountain. Tests show that the smoke from the factories is producing high levels of arsenic and cadmium in the snow high on the mountain. This snow runs off into rivers which the surrounding communities use to drink and clean. Tourism has also caused an increase in waste in these areas because they are unable "to cope with the solid waste or pollution; there are no recycling or waste management facilities at all" (Allee 2011). This has created deplorable living conditions for those in the Khumbu region.

A popular argument supporting the opinion that commercial climbing and tourism has brought prosperity and attention to Everest could be made in the case of those Sherpas and lodgers who were lucky enough to benefit from the influx of money, but many of the residents unable to take advantage of the commercial climbing industry in the area have only grown poorer. The income inequality has grown significantly since commercial climbing and tourism came to the region. Studies have shown that "households in villages which are not optimal for tourism have significantly lower incomes compared to households that are involved in high paying mountaineering employment or other tourism based businesses" (Shrestha 5). In other words, while some Sherpas and other business owners, such as lodgers and guides, become wealthy from the large profit jobs in mountaineering, those who have not made it in the commercial climbing business, which is a great deal of the population, become increasingly poor in comparison to these others. Therefore, when the prices inflate because the wealthy are becoming wealthier, those on the other side of the income inequality will be left being able to afford less and less.

In conclusion, the overall effects of commercial climbing on Mount Everest have produced, tons of garbage on Mount Everest that requires extreme efforts to remove from the mountain, pollution and waste throughout the villages in the Khumbu region due to the area's inability to handle so many people in such small villages, air pollution from factories which are present in the snow high on the mountain, and an increasing income inequality between the wealthy and the less fortunate. The benefits of excessive commercial climbing are heavily outweighed by the disadvantages, and taking a heavy toll on Everest and its people.

Works Cited

Allee, Hofhaymer. "Saving Mt. Everest Project 2011-2012." Savingmounteverest. EcoHimal, 17 Nov. 2011.

Goldenberg, Suzanne. "The Mission to Clean up Mount Everest." The Guardian. Guardian News and Media, 13 Dec. 0023.

"Government Fails to Exploit Mount Everest Economically | Ktm2day ||| Ktm2day." Ktm2day Ktm2day Government Fails to Exploit Mount Everest Economically Comments. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Jan. 2013.

Marshall, Michael. "Mt. Everst Shows Signs of Pollution." Washington Post. The Washington Post, 06 Dec. 2010. Web. 23 Jan. 2013.
Mathema, Paavan. "Trash to Treasure: Turning Mt. Everest Waste into Art." CNN. Cable News Network, 16 Jan. 2013. Web. 05 Feb. 2013.
"Sir Edmund Hillary Biography." Academy of Achievement. N.p., n.d. Web. 13 Feb. 2013.
Stevens, Stanley F. "Tourism, Change, and Continuity in the Mount Everst Region, Nepal." JSTOR. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Jan. 2013.
Tshering Sherpa, Ang. "The Facts and Economics of Mountaineering in Nepal." - UIAA. UIAA, n.d. Web. 23 Jan. 2013.
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