Writing Feedback / Women should work (paragraph) [7]

it is an undeniable fact that working women are in a more powerful position than they used to be First and most important reason why women should work that it is difficult for an even elementary family to make a living by just one person's working. Secondly, women who are dependant on men financially, lose their freedom and can not find their way into social life. For instance, even if some non-working women exposed to domestic violence by their husband, as they do not have the financial means to support themselves or their children, they prefer enduring violence instead of divorcing. Thirdly, working women has a possitive effect on psychology and behaviour of children. Children of working women start doing their own work by themselves from childhood as compared to children of non-working mother. To illustrate, if the children of non-working woman need a toy or a cloth they ask their mother to give them that toy. So they become fully dependant on their mother as their mother is easily available to them. Finally, whereas non-working women stay with their children for the whole day, working women pass the half of the day out. Thus, they might feel more attached to her children and wife. To sum up, working is indispensable to all women.

I am a new learner of english, please help me on my mistakes.
Thanks.