Posts by hexxcoat

hexxcoat

Mar 13, 2013

Essays / How to write "essay of my choice" ? Need advice! [6]

Mortality, Mortality - define and give more information
Methods of data collection. Problems associated...
explain if this information is valid in your region. for example, in the US malaria related issues wouldn't be a very effective topic
Define each major thing (mortality, morbidity etc) at some point not too far from the beginning or at the beginning.
Establish credibility. Why would we want to listen to you? What have you done on the subject or who do you know? Are you citing someone? It's okay if you don't know enough as far as you can cite those who do.

Why is the topic important?
Go on from here

hexxcoat

Mar 13, 2013

Undergraduate / MUSIC, My escape; NYU Transfer - What Intrigues You? [7]

I think it's good. as a fan of music, I understand your views, but I think it would be better to fixate on one thing you like and make it big.

Word limits are major problems in these essays.

hexxcoat

Mar 13, 2013

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; How the Internet has helped with my studies? [5]

some problems with tense, numerics, capitalization

hexxcoat

Mar 13, 2013

Undergraduate / My team was posted to a day care during a youth rally; Extracurricular activities [5]

Thank you. I have tons of other activities to write about but I don't want to risk looking proud.
Like this one:

Running for class president taught me to respect mortality as a leader. My opponent promised to rip the walls apart and install ACs in the freshman dorms all in less than a week, while I retorted that I would be focusing on "more important things". All I meant was increasing the rigor and prestige of the school was priority. Before I could explain my point, I had been portrayed as a despot. I lost the elections and joined the senate where I began working on expanding the Physics curriculum, honors program, athletics and of course, the cooling system. The amount of support I got made me realize that the students were truly interested in working, but not without a sense of comfort. Though I had a genuine vision for the school, disregarding the immediate needs of my comrades would nullify any achievement whatsoever. I knew it would take ages and tons of paperwork (and probably a hike in fees) to rewire the dorms, but I should have shown some effort.

I'll fix the first. Thank you very much.

hexxcoat

Mar 13, 2013

Undergraduate / My team was posted to a day care during a youth rally; Extracurricular activities [5]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

When my team was posted to a day care during a youth rally, we noticed a baby with strabismus. As a child, my parents had ignored mine thinking I would outgrow it -a common misconception. I told the mother about surgery but she felt it too costly, so we started a fundraiser. It was hard to motivate people to make donations because crossed eyes didn't seem like a threat, but I knew the social stigma I faced and the scopophobia I developed because my eyes weren't normal. Home by home, we convinced people to stand up for the child and just when we thought we were making no progress, a huge donation came in from a man with strabismus. He had seen our fliers and he understood. He did a better job at spreading the word and convincing the mother to carry on with the operation. Through him we started an awareness program across hospitals in the state. This and an award of service was more than my team bargained for, but nothing made us happier than large number of parents who hearkened.