Writing Feedback / IELTS - Attending a live performance; On a live show people are more involved! [2]

Hello there! Please, pals, assess my essay and what score can I get for that essay?

Q:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example a play, concert or sport event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

A:
There is an argument that people may get more pleasure by observing a live show than watching it on television. While I accept the fact that overwhelming amount of people prefer to watch a performance on the TV, I completely agree with that statement for two reasons.

First of all, people on a live performance are more involved. Have you ever seen an exited face of a boy who was invited to assist a magician in a circus, for example? Actors often work with the audience, talk to people, try to conduct a link with them. Moreover, producers may organize an extra show for the audience. For instance, I saw how children were involved into a little competition before a hockey game and a child who scored more goals got a prize.

Second, such a pastime is a good way to cement relationships between relatives. For example, my wife and I frequently go to the theater or concert. After a show we discuss it and share our impressions. At home we hardly spend an hour together because of children and grandparents. Besides, attending a live performance helps to develop a special bond between a father and children. For instance, I take my son with me to see an ice hockey game and during the game I discuss with him various topics such as the ice hockey rules or importance of a nice behavior in society.

To sum up, I totally agree with the argument that observing a live performance is more delightful. On a live show people are more involved and it is an appropriate way to improve relationships with relatives.