Posts by CottonWood

CottonWood

Mar 23, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS- What's more enjoyable? - Attending a live performance or Watching them on TV? [4]

mhss
Hi mhss!
I think that the main mistake you made is you didn't answer the question. The question was do you agree or disagree that attending a live performance is more enjoyable. You wrote

After considering both aspects, I am convinced that what is important is the selection of the event to which one should participate or which can be watched on the screen.

However, you don't answer the question. It is not obvios for me do you like to go to a football stadium or do you prefer to stay at home.

In the conclution you wrote

it is hard to decide which way is more enjoyable.

Does it mean that you do not know the answer?

Occasionally I wrote the same essay in the same period. Please, take a look at mine too.

CottonWood

Mar 23, 2013

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Attending a live performance; On a live show people are more involved! [2]

Hello there! Please, pals, assess my essay and what score can I get for that essay?

Q:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example a play, concert or sport event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

A:
There is an argument that people may get more pleasure by observing a live show than watching it on television. While I accept the fact that overwhelming amount of people prefer to watch a performance on the TV, I completely agree with that statement for two reasons.

First of all, people on a live performance are more involved. Have you ever seen an exited face of a boy who was invited to assist a magician in a circus, for example? Actors often work with the audience, talk to people, try to conduct a link with them. Moreover, producers may organize an extra show for the audience. For instance, I saw how children were involved into a little competition before a hockey game and a child who scored more goals got a prize.

Second, such a pastime is a good way to cement relationships between relatives. For example, my wife and I frequently go to the theater or concert. After a show we discuss it and share our impressions. At home we hardly spend an hour together because of children and grandparents. Besides, attending a live performance helps to develop a special bond between a father and children. For instance, I take my son with me to see an ice hockey game and during the game I discuss with him various topics such as the ice hockey rules or importance of a nice behavior in society.

To sum up, I totally agree with the argument that observing a live performance is more delightful. On a live show people are more involved and it is an appropriate way to improve relationships with relatives.