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Posts by omid_sarox
Joined: Mar 25, 2013
Last Post: Jun 17, 2013
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From: Canada

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omid_sarox   
Jun 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / Mind is very vulnerable and fragile; Death and the Maiden / Visual Essay [4]

Hello everyone.
I gotta make a visual essay (finding/taking pictures and relate them to the play) on Death and the Maiden and write an essay on what each pictures represents. I'm not quite sure if I'm in the right track or not though and that's why I need help. I need to add one more point to the essay but I can't think of anything so please if you have read the play help me in the other point. For the last two paragraph I less too few sentences but I can't think of anything to add.

So here's my visual essay on Death and the Maiden. My theme is sexual violence. Do you see any mistakes?

Human's psychological state of mind is very vulnerable and fragile. Every nuance physical or emotional fluctuation has impact on its consistency. One physical action that has enormous subversive impact on psychological state of mind is sexual harassment. In the play Death and the Maiden, Paulina is sexually tortured and raped. The sexual violence causes immense psychological and emotional damages to Paulina, which stay a lifetime without proper healing.

The sexual violence Paulina suffers makes her live in constant terror and fright. The image on the top left of a woman who is holding a gun and looking out the window resembles Paulina's terror when she is about to meet a stranger. The darkness in the image shows the severity of her fear. When she hears a car coming toward her house, she takes out her gun because she suspects danger. She is always cautious and have herself prepared to react for a similar incident.

Paulina's sexual life is ruined after the rape and sexual torture. She is unable to reach an orgasm. She says "... when we would be making love and I could feel the possibility of an orgasm building, the very idea of currents going through my body would remind me and then-and then I had to fake it ..." (Pg. 28). The image of an emotionless women on top left represents Paulina being indifferent about sexual intercourse. The image is in black and white which represents that Paulina is sexually senseless. She is deprived of the most delightful sensation a woman can have. When she makes love with Gerardo, she remembers the sexual violence she suffered and it prevents her from reaching an orgasm. Therefore she has to fake an orgasm so Gerardo does not think it is his failure.

Paulina lives within socializational boundaries defined by her experience of sexual violence. The image a lonely bird hanging away from other birds symbolizes Paulina's aversion of meeting people. The lonely bird is hanging below other birds, which shows Paulina is socially below other people. She always tends to keep her distance from people because she feels insecure. Furthermore, she stays away from people so she would not meet the men who tortured and raped her. "... the only way of going out with you to cocktail parties in spite of the fact that I couldn't help asking myself if one of the people there wasn't-perhaps not the exact same man, but one of those people might be ..." (Pg. 28). Paulina has to fake a smile and pretend that she is happy when she goes to parties with Gerardo. Her fear of people has prevents her from socializing, and therefore, she is a housewife.

The sexual violence has affected Paulina's taste of music. She is unable to listen to Shubert's Death and the Maiden because it reminds her of the time she was raped. The image chosen is a broken cassette which resembles Paulina's hatred of Death and the Maiden. It shows that Paulina broke her Death and the Maiden cassette because she cannot listen to it. "She also dislike parties because she cannot stand listening to the song Death and the Maiden if it is played." (Pg. 16) The image's background is gray, which symbolizes the depression. She also dislike parties because she cannot stand listening to the song Death and the Maiden if it is played. She says "... I always pray that they won't put on Schubert"(Pg. 17)

Paulina is avid for taking revenge on the people who tortured and raped her by putting them on a trial in order to quell her agitation. The image of a gavel at the bottom of the magazine spread symbolizes Paulina's keenness for putting the culprit of the rape on trial. When Gerardo asks Paulina what does she intend to do, she answers "We're going to put him on trial, Gerardo, this doctor."(Pg. 20) That is what Roberto promised her to do. She is eager to take revenge even though she knows it would harm Gerardo's occupational reputation and the country's political relations.

The image of the mirror at the center of the magazine spread is the mirror at the end of the play. It helps the audience connect the images and quotations with their personal lives. In the play, the mirror is put in a way that the audience can see the actors and themselves together. The mirror makes the audience ponder if anybody among them have experienced similar brutal sexual violence; or if they have sexually violated anybody. It attempts to bring reality and more sense to the play.

The images and background is edited in a way that fits the theme. The background is chosen to be black and purple because black conveys death, and purple conveys fear. Images are darkened so they convey Paulina's emotions. Paulina is mentally ill as a consequence of sexual violence. Her life is ruined and her state of mind has heavily damaged.
omid_sarox   
Mar 25, 2013
Undergraduate / I'm a DREMER; Characteristics or perspectives I possess that make me unique [4]

you won't have what to live for.

What do you mean her?

in the world, because without them, there would be no one to discover

rs and doers but,

rs and doers, but, most of all,

es to imagine

imagnation

ith the time, but, for example

still dream with a tre

you can't dream "with" a tree house

ly build one, because this dr

"stuff" or "thing" is not a proper word in essay writing. They are too general. Try to be more precise.

You use too much commas. You use commas where you can use dots.

Overall you have a good writing
omid_sarox   
Mar 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / IETLS; Machine Translation Vs Human Translation [5]

I have done the TOEFL test and I am fairly familiar with how your essay should look like. At first try to write as much as you can. The minimum they want is 300 words, but it's best if you write at least 50 words more.

Use words and phrases like "furthermore, on the other hand, similarly, consequently" to connect your sentences. they'll like it.
You have some grammar mistakes and I guess you got comment on them. try to minimize them. If you are unsure about the correct way of writing a phrase, don't risk it and change your sentence!

Use more complex grammar like "the more, the better, not to mention that, needless to say, there is no doubt"
Again, they ask you for at least 300 words not 250. Try to write more than that.

Good luck
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